Leveller Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I would be interested to know what the good people of LS believe are the key warning signs that either a relationship is not going to work or that is it heading for the rocks...and can you tell or steer a course away?
Thaddeus Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Big red flags for me, personally: Financially irresponsible, which includes the delusion that "retail therapy" is somehow an actual accepted treatment for psychological issues ("I have a big hole in my life but I'll fill it with new shoes and that will make me feel better!)Overweight and not interested in shedding some poundsPhysically inactive (goes with above)Yells a lotSexual hang-upsEmotionally erraticIndecisiveUnappreciativeGold-diggerUncommunicativeHas little or no life outside of our relationship
Woggle Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 A lack of accoountability is the biggest. If everything she did wrong in the past was the man's fault and therefore justified I say run.
adamt Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 if your relationship on on a downward watch out for some of these things, usually some of them go together but individually they may not be an issue:- Starts going out with friends more They stay over less oftenThey have less time to see you they want to go out in a group rather than just with you Start going to the gym a lot and have a make over Spends more time on the laptop/internet Sex stops or drops to a minimum they go quiet or start to go distant they start to nit pick at things that were never a problem you speak less online or on the phone(less texting too) they go to bed/sleep earlier they sleep facing away from you they stop making plans for the medium and long term, like holiday and settling downthey start to roll their eyes or talk under their breaththey dont laugh at your jokes anymorethey dont return compliments or as touchy feelyThey are reluctant to be seen naked infront of you
Nedved Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Excellent post adamt!! i'd agree with most of your points there.
EmperorR Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 When they talk about their ex and how horrible he was
bluewolf17 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 adamt, I am ashamed to say I did all those things with a prior ex! That's dead on. It was like I was hoping he would just dump me.
tommo66 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 When they talk about their ex and how horrible he was yeah, true, it happened to me and my ex g/f went back to her ex b/f, she used too say how horrible he was all the time, i never really gave it much thought at the time. still don`t understand it though.
on edge Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 When they talk about their ex and how horrible he was That's usually a good sign that the individual is not over their ex.
adamt Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 adamt, I am ashamed to say I did all those things with a prior ex! That's dead on. It was like I was hoping he would just dump me. Yes, it had crossed my mind that the ex was wanting me to finish it for her. Looking back, a couple of times she would sit quiet thinking and she was probably wanting me to ask whats up and then i initiate things. Funny how you at the time you either dont see these signs, think they are nothing serious because other times the dumper seems still into you and think it is a mood or just a phase and don't want to read into things too much. But when you go NC after splitting up it all becomes clear when you add them all up. We split up in early may and looking back things probably started early december. She started getting selfish and mardy. We went out in a big group and she seemed to talk to me less and didnt ask me what i fancied doing when the group split to go to different place. she was starting to make decisions just for herself. then she became awkward didnt want to go to pizza hut we went to somewhere else but still had pizza. then valentines she wasnt bothered about going to a restaurant i booked. then for my birthday she wanted to go to a particular indian restaurant when i wanted to go to a different one. But at the time they dont seem major issues. I guess she was getting more selfish and not thinking as a couple anymore. First 2 years she seemed easy going and chilled out which was one of the attributes i liked. We never argued but just started to disagree on a couple of things. Her birthday was early june and when i was asking her a while before what she fancied, she just that i didnt need to spend anything as i had already bought some tickets for a gig ages ago for her birthday. we split before her birthday. another thing i just remembered was that her laptop would usually log into msn messenger automatically. I started noticing that once or twice she was on facebook chat before and after she was logged into msn. also on msn a couple of times her status was away, then she would go offline(battery power went) then she would log back in and go straight into away. When i was with her she would be on the laptop early morning or if at her house up early doing house jobs. god, the signs seem obvious now when i look back! Maybe i've read into some of the things too much but you get the drift of it. Anyway i hope what i have written helps out a few people to spot the warning signs early doors.
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