You'reasian Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Why would you date someone you've met who is overweight? By this I mean 40+ lbs more than a healthy range for their height/build. Personally I find it difficult to initially be attracted to this, but I'd like to pick LS's brains to find some reasons. What qualities do you look for - physically, mentally and emotionally?
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 What qualities do you look for - physically' date=' mentally and emotionally?[/quote'] http://dansemacabre.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/flogging-dead-horse.jpg What rocks someone's boat is unique to them. Everyone is entitled their preferances. What's your trash, will inevitably be someone else's treasure, and vice versa.
paddington bear Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I was just discussing this today with a friend. And had forgotten (or blocked out!) the fact that I put on a lot of weight for a few years. Now I'm back to a normal weight, not super-slim, but not what would be described as fat or obese. From my perspective. Members of the opposite sex's eyes slid over me and on to the next available slim person when I was fat, thus making me feel more fat and more unattractive and worthless. So the former fat me would answer your question with 'no, people do not want to date overweight people unless they've got some fetish for it'. The slim me would say that now men do look at me with lust/interest. However...I wonder if it's down to one's attitude. I have a very good female friend who is very large. Much bigger than I ever was. She always had a circle of men around her when we socialised together and I was ignored. Why? Because she did and does exude sexuality, sensuality and more than that, she had a twinkle in her eye was fun and exciting to be around - this was not a case of the jolly fat person using humour to hide the fact that inside they are miserable about their weight, this was her loving herself and enjoying life. And people respond to happy, secure people, no matter what size they are. Whereas when I was overweight I was miserable, felt uncomfortable and unattractive, and the people around me picked up on that and treated me accordingly. I have a male friend who revealed his weight to me the other day and I was shocked at how high it is. But he carries it well, would never have thought of his as fat, even though I guess he is a bit. So in his case, that would be no problem for me, again, maybe that's down to his attitude. He doesn't act like a fat person who is ashamed of himself. Lastly, there is carrying a few extra pounds, there is being overweight and then there is being morbidly obese. Morbidly obese, apart from not looking very attractive also means that person is usually sweaty, out of breath, cannot play sports, run to catch that train that's about to pull away from the station and so on, and I think along with how it looks, it's all those other side-effects that have an impact.
Thaddeus Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 For me personally, I'm not a fan of overweight women and would probably not date one. I have in the past but, for whatever reason, it just didn't work out. I simply find it difficult to be physically attracted to someone who's overweight by, say, 30 pounds or more. I've been accused of being "shallow" for that. Oddly enough, those accusations have almost always come from women who insist that their man have, say, a full head of hair or be taller than they are. So one person's "shallow" is another person's "standards." All that said, whatever floats your boat, right?
Author You'reasian Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 I was just discussing this today with a friend. And had forgotten (or blocked out!) the fact that I put on a lot of weight for a few years. Now I'm back to a normal weight, not super-slim, but not what would be described as fat or obese. From my perspective. Members of the opposite sex's eyes slid over me and on to the next available slim person when I was fat, thus making me feel more fat and more unattractive and worthless. So the former fat me would answer your question with 'no, people do not want to date overweight people unless they've got some fetish for it'. The slim me would say that now men do look at me with lust/interest. However...I wonder if it's down to one's attitude. I have a very good female friend who is very large. Much bigger than I ever was. She always had a circle of men around her when we socialised together and I was ignored. Why? Because she did and does exude sexuality, sensuality and more than that, she had a twinkle in her eye was fun and exciting to be around - this was not a case of the jolly fat person using humour to hide the fact that inside they are miserable about their weight, this was her loving herself and enjoying life. And people respond to happy, secure people, no matter what size they are. Whereas when I was overweight I was miserable, felt uncomfortable and unattractive, and the people around me picked up on that and treated me accordingly. I have a male friend who revealed his weight to me the other day and I was shocked at how high it is. But he carries it well, would never have thought of his as fat, even though I guess he is a bit. So in his case, that would be no problem for me, again, maybe that's down to his attitude. He doesn't act like a fat person who is ashamed of himself. Lastly, there is carrying a few extra pounds, there is being overweight and then there is being morbidly obese. Morbidly obese, apart from not looking very attractive also means that person is usually sweaty, out of breath, cannot play sports, run to catch that train that's about to pull away from the station and so on, and I think along with how it looks, it's all those other side-effects that have an impact. Excellent points. Personality matters alot. Like Star Gazer mentioned, people look at different things - I think this is important. I'll clarify that the 40+ lbs isn't muscular weight. You could describe it between fat and obese.
Author You'reasian Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Wouldn't touch a fat dude. Why? What if he was intelligent, smart, funny, capable and owned a really nice boat? ....just threw in the boat their for effect.
Author You'reasian Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 In the past I've been willing to overlook someone whose up to 40 lbs overweight, because personality matters a little more. As of recent, I've tightened my standards in regards to general health/lifestyle.
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 There is overweight and there is obese.. I wouldn't date an obese person.. although my last ex was overweight.. but he was younger and 'hard'.. it wasn't that 'jelly' fat..
Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Why? What if he was intelligent, smart, funny, capable and owned a really nice boat? ....just threw in the boat their for effect. Because if someone is overweight, it's most likely because they don't exercise and eat like crap. I'm pretty into fitness (albeit I can have a horrible diet at times), so our basis lifestyles would be so divergent, that this would become an issue very quickly. If I'm going out for a run, and he's eating chips on the couch, I'd be disgusted with him. Our health is the most important gift we can give ourselves, and if someone doesn't have any regard for their own, then I would also assume they let other key aspects of their lives suffer. How big is the boat, though? (jk!!!)
AlektraClementine Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 My fiance is 6'2 280 lbs. Definitely overweight. Why would/do I date him? Because he is a wonderful man. He treats me exceptionally well, he gets me, he is kind and understanding, funny, independent, confident. As far as attraction in concerned, I've never felt more attracted to anyone. Slim does not = fit for dating.
39388 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Why would you date someone you've met who is overweight? By this I mean 40+ lbs more than a healthy range for their height/build. Great personality and some overweight or obese women have beautiful faces and nice curves
Bayern Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I spend a lot of time and effort maintaining a fit body. I don't think it's much to ask for my partner to do the same (or at least look the same). Honestly, maybe they don't have to be tip-top shape, but until I start gaining serious weight, I'm not interested in dating someone who is seriously overweight.
D-Lish Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I always talk to this nice shy guy in the dog park- he's about 25, slim, cute- a little quiet, but super sweet. He came with his gf this evening and I was shocked. She was obese, angry, rude and miserable. She had a perma-snarl on her face- and she was loudly nagging him in front of everyone. Unless she was having an off day... I can't imagine why a nice guy like this would put up with such a woman. To each their own I suppose. I'd date a guy that is a little overweight- as long as he isn't snarling and miserable all day long.
New Again Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I don't think I would ever date or be attracted to an obese man, so I can't really answer the question. Yes, personality is incredibly important, and it's not all about looks. However, values also play a part, and someone who is obese probably does not share many of the same values as me....for example, caring about one's health and so on (basically what Jilly Bean said).
Sam Spade Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I don't think I'd be able to date an overweight girl - unless they are somehow a really, trully amazing person that is somehow attractive in spite of the fat. It is possible, but probably very rare, so it's safe to simply say 'no'. Even in this case, there is probably some weight limit beyond which even an amazing woman would be undateable. And I'm not even too hung up on perfect body - my GF would look stunning if she lost 10-20 pounds, but I'm not even sure I care that much. (She has a little tummy and cheeks - the cutest things in the world, so it'd be sad to see those go )
AlektraClementine Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I always talk to this nice shy guy in the dog park- he's about 25, slim, cute- a little quiet, but super sweet. He came with his gf this evening and I was shocked. She was obese, angry, rude and miserable. She had a perma-snarl on her face- and she was loudly nagging him in front of everyone. Unless she was having an off day... I can't imagine why a nice guy like this would put up with such a woman. To each their own I suppose. I'd date a guy that is a little overweight- as long as he isn't snarling and miserable all day long. Yeah - I don't think overweight is the key here. I've met PLENTY of slim people with nasty attitudes. To each their own. I'm a slim girl and I'm absolutely head over heals for my big ole' manly man!
Bayern Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 That being said, I have to feel extremely sorry for some who are over weight. It's not always their fault. One person can have the exact same diet and workout routine and have extremely different weights.
butcher's hook Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I'd date a guy who is 40lbs over weight so long as the weight is evenly distributed ie. not all in the gut and skinny arms legs and if his face is still nice. I just can't get into overly chubby faces unfortunately...
Citizen Erased Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I tend to favour skinny guys but really, a little weight wouldn't bother me. A lot would. I can't watch someone I care about eat themself to death.
socialight Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 i have been spending some time with a girl who needs to lose about 30 pounds to be in healthy shape. Right now, 5'2 and 145, should be 5'2 110 or 115. But you don't have to look hard to see that, underneath the blubber, this girl is a freaking fox. She is gorgeous. And fun, and sexy, and smart. So I will give it some time and see what happens. But if someone was just lazy, fat, unattractive, and didn't care, screw them, I am not giving them the time of day. The magic secret most girls don't know is that 80% of looks is effort. It's really that simple. IF you do your time in the gym, and eat right, and just do something nice with your hair and get some decent clothes, there isn't a girl on this planet that rates below a 6. It's on the girls who don't care, or won't put in the work, who fall below that line.
Ariadne Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Why would you date someone you've met who is overweight? By this I mean 40+ lbs more than a healthy range for their height/build. Personally I find it difficult to initially be attracted to this, but I'd like to pick LS's brains to find some reasons. What qualities do you look for - physically, mentally and emotionally? To be fair, nowadays is very hard to stay in shape for most people. Lives have become more sedentary than ever, and food has become the most unhealthy and readily available. Food high in sugar and fast food is what you find the most. Any meal that you buy has easily 700 cals, and with a few of those regularly and you'll become obese (including cappuccinos, bagels, and other seemingly healthy choices) In order to be skinny people have to commit to a life of exercise for which they don't have time for, unless they really are serious about it and get up at 5am to go exercise. And to make their home food meals which has become inconvenient since people don't have much time to cook, either. And for that they must go shopping regularly for fresh food. And the truth is that few people have the metabolism to be skinny no matter what, unless they are very young. That combined with the increase in dissatisfaction, stress levels, and depression, is a bad combo for healthy bodies. I'm really not surprised at the increasing weight of people in general, and I can't say I blame them given the environment we live in today.
New Again Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 It's not about being "skinny" it's about being healthy. They aren't necessarily the same thing.
GoodOnPaper Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 What qualities do you look for - physically' date=' mentally and emotionally?[/quote'] My wife is 100-120 lbs overweight and I used to think that that was the limiting factor in our relationship. No. IMO, intimacy is everything. Give me a 300 lb woman who is open emotionally and uninhibited sexually over a "normal" weight woman with hangups.
Sam Spade Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 To be fair, nowadays is very hard to stay in shape for most people. Lives have become more sedentary than ever, and food has become the most unhealthy and readily available. Food high in sugar and fast food is what you find the most. Any meal that you buy has easily 700 cals, and with a few of those regularly and you'll become obese (including cappuccinos, bagels, and other seemingly healthy choices) In order to be skinny people have to commit to a life of exercise for which they don't have time for, unless they really are serious about it and get up at 5am to go exercise. And to make their home food meals which has become inconvenient since people don't have much time to cook, either. And for that they must go shopping regularly for fresh food. And the truth is that few people have the metabolism to be skinny no matter what, unless they are very young. That combined with the increase in dissatisfaction, stress levels, and depression, is a bad combo for healthy bodies. I'm really not surprised at the increasing weight of people in general, and I can't say I blame them given the environment we live in today. This is all true, but in the end of the day, it's just excuses. It is really very simple: if a person ingests more calories than they burn, they get fat. The body does the math for them. That is ALL there is to it. Sure, it is easier for some, but it doesn't change the simple fact that if you want to not be fat, you can. Leading the life you've describe, I've gained up to 20-30 pounds over my ideal weight, but it has always been temporary - I'd eventually get disgusted by myself and whip myself into shape. There are so many fat people, that I am afraid that quite soon this will begin to be perceived as normal .
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