Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Phateless, sometimes relationships aren't meant to last forever. That's why we date and have relationships, so we can hopefully one day, find someone who it's going to work out long-term with. You can't fix someone else. For that matter, even if it's not all her, it doesn't matter. The two of you don't appear to be compatible for the long-term. One more thing. Try not to regret any relationship. You live and learn and have some happy times while you're doing it.
confusedcookie Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 OMG, I can't stop posting tonight, but I wanted to make another comment about this thread. To the last post, this sounds a little similiar my ex. He did things like this. He would try to please EVERYONE, and there were a few times i remember, he would basically put me last, and someone else before me. He did this more than once. I realize family is important, but come on. If you already had plans with her first, then why would you not just tell your uncle you already had plans? It makes her feel unimportant. She still may have overreacted, but who wants to feel like the last priority on your list. omg, it's exactly like my ex too, and he made me feel so bad about it. our first big fight was about this problem, and our last fight was the same problem too... my ex would try to please everybody, he would make plans with me, and then if someone else phoned him, he would agree to it... i was like his lowest priority... i would get upset, and he would say that i was a drama queen and that i overreact to everything, and all his friends think i'm a selfish bitch, because he gives a one sided story of, "my gf is mad bc i went out with the boys without her"... at first, i thought it was a culture thing, but not i see it's universal lol sometimes girls may overreact, but you say you apologize, but we can hear it in your voice when you're sincere or not, if you just , "okay, fine, sorry", we know you don't mean it... if you asked my ex, he would have described me exactly like the your gf in your post, but i can say that sometimes guys don't understand and see our side of the story...
Author Phateless Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 OK, I figured out why our fights are always blowouts. Typically her apologies are a quick "I'm sorry." When I'm upset about something, if I say anything after she apologizes she starts turning things around on me and saying it's my fault. So I'm upset about something and I'll say one or two things and she'll be ok with it but she never lets me finish talking about my feelings. She always turns it around and makes it about her feelings before I have a chance to finish what I brought up. Then we go around and around in circles, arguing everything related. I keep trying to bring it back to the original subject but she says, "NO, we've already talked about that." Very frustrating. These arguments take hours when all I wanted was 5 minutes to stay on me. I just feel like she'll never let anything stay about me for more than a minute or two, which isn't long enough to get my feelings out and be ok with her apology. It's like she hurts me, I talk about my feelings, and then all of a sudden her feelings about what I just said are all she can think about.
dreamergrl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I wonder what you hope to gain by continuing to try.. and try and try.
New Again Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 OK, I figured out why our fights are always blowouts. Typically her apologies are a quick "I'm sorry." When I'm upset about something, if I say anything after she apologizes she starts turning things around on me and saying it's my fault. So I'm upset about something and I'll say one or two things and she'll be ok with it but she never lets me finish talking about my feelings. She always turns it around and makes it about her feelings before I have a chance to finish what I brought up. Then we go around and around in circles, arguing everything related. I keep trying to bring it back to the original subject but she says, "NO, we've already talked about that." Very frustrating. These arguments take hours when all I wanted was 5 minutes to stay on me. I just feel like she'll never let anything stay about me for more than a minute or two, which isn't long enough to get my feelings out and be ok with her apology. It's like she hurts me, I talk about my feelings, and then all of a sudden her feelings about what I just said are all she can think about. Huh. I was in a relationship like that once - where we would argue about stupid nothingness for HOURS. It was frustrating, and otherwise emotionally draining and exhausting. Thank god I don't have to deal with that crap anymore. Huge sigh of relief. Yeah I loved him, but I'm much happier now. Just sayin. 1
dreamergrl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I think that some people can't communicate to each other. And if you can't communicate with each other, how do you plan on having a healthy LTR?
fallendisguise Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 OK, I figured out why our fights are always blowouts. Typically her apologies are a quick "I'm sorry." When I'm upset about something, if I say anything after she apologizes she starts turning things around on me and saying it's my fault. So I'm upset about something and I'll say one or two things and she'll be ok with it but she never lets me finish talking about my feelings. She always turns it around and makes it about her feelings before I have a chance to finish what I brought up. Then we go around and around in circles, arguing everything related. I keep trying to bring it back to the original subject but she says, "NO, we've already talked about that." Very frustrating. These arguments take hours when all I wanted was 5 minutes to stay on me. I just feel like she'll never let anything stay about me for more than a minute or two, which isn't long enough to get my feelings out and be ok with her apology. It's like she hurts me, I talk about my feelings, and then all of a sudden her feelings about what I just said are all she can think about. I've read this entire post and really want to put my two cents in. First of all, this is a very unhealthy relationship and I would advise moving on. However, I happen to be someone who has an EXTREMELY hard time leaving even when the reasons I should are being me over the head. If you love her and you want to stay with her why don't you do this.... You've said that you're both taking a peace break right now and don't want to talk about relationship issues, but maybe you should. Why don't you meet up with her and greet her warmly, hug, kiss, love you, or whatever so her guard isn't up. Then sit her down and tell her you love her and that this relationship means a lot to you, but there are some things that you would like to talk about. Lay some ground rules. Like no giving your point of view or interrupting until the other person is done talking/explaining how they feel, be respectful of what the other person is saying and truly try to see where they are coming from even if you don't agree, etc. Then tell her how you feel. Instead of saying "YOU do this, or YOU do that, or I don't like it when YOU, blah, blah" approach it from a "WE" standpoint. As in, "I feel that WE argue about things that are superficial and hide the underlying issue and WE aren't acknowledging that issue, and I feel that WE should come up with a game plan to figure out how not to do this, so WE can treat each other better." You get the point. That way you are not pointing the finger or placing blame. You are creating a safe environment to talk about things and not putting the other person on the defense. And maybe agree to not bring up specific instances so that you can avoid arguing about the same things and instead bring up how you FEEL. Because like other posters have said those things (the sandwich, dinner, etc.) aren't the real reasons as to why you are fighting. Just my thoughts.
confusedcookie Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I've read this entire post and really want to put my two cents in. First of all, this is a very unhealthy relationship and I would advise moving on. However, I happen to be someone who has an EXTREMELY hard time leaving even when the reasons I should are being me over the head. If you love her and you want to stay with her why don't you do this.... You've said that you're both taking a peace break right now and don't want to talk about relationship issues, but maybe you should. Why don't you meet up with her and greet her warmly, hug, kiss, love you, or whatever so her guard isn't up. Then sit her down and tell her you love her and that this relationship means a lot to you, but there are some things that you would like to talk about. Lay some ground rules. Like no giving your point of view or interrupting until the other person is done talking/explaining how they feel, be respectful of what the other person is saying and truly try to see where they are coming from even if you don't agree, etc. Then tell her how you feel. Instead of saying "YOU do this, or YOU do that, or I don't like it when YOU, blah, blah" approach it from a "WE" standpoint. As in, "I feel that WE argue about things that are superficial and hide the underlying issue and WE aren't acknowledging that issue, and I feel that WE should come up with a game plan to figure out how not to do this, so WE can treat each other better." You get the point. That way you are not pointing the finger or placing blame. You are creating a safe environment to talk about things and not putting the other person on the defense. And maybe agree to not bring up specific instances so that you can avoid arguing about the same things and instead bring up how you FEEL. Because like other posters have said those things (the sandwich, dinner, etc.) aren't the real reasons as to why you are fighting. Just my thoughts. that sounds brilliant =) i wished i knew all these things before i started dating... lol
Author Phateless Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 I've read this entire post and really want to put my two cents in. First of all, this is a very unhealthy relationship and I would advise moving on. However, I happen to be someone who has an EXTREMELY hard time leaving even when the reasons I should are being me over the head. If you love her and you want to stay with her why don't you do this.... You've said that you're both taking a peace break right now and don't want to talk about relationship issues, but maybe you should. Why don't you meet up with her and greet her warmly, hug, kiss, love you, or whatever so her guard isn't up. Then sit her down and tell her you love her and that this relationship means a lot to you, but there are some things that you would like to talk about. Lay some ground rules. Like no giving your point of view or interrupting until the other person is done talking/explaining how they feel, be respectful of what the other person is saying and truly try to see where they are coming from even if you don't agree, etc. Then tell her how you feel. Instead of saying "YOU do this, or YOU do that, or I don't like it when YOU, blah, blah" approach it from a "WE" standpoint. As in, "I feel that WE argue about things that are superficial and hide the underlying issue and WE aren't acknowledging that issue, and I feel that WE should come up with a game plan to figure out how not to do this, so WE can treat each other better." You get the point. That way you are not pointing the finger or placing blame. You are creating a safe environment to talk about things and not putting the other person on the defense. And maybe agree to not bring up specific instances so that you can avoid arguing about the same things and instead bring up how you FEEL. Because like other posters have said those things (the sandwich, dinner, etc.) aren't the real reasons as to why you are fighting. Just my thoughts. I had tried all of that, exactly that, and much more, all with the same results. I've been in therapy for several years so I'm familiar with everything you're saying. Things are much better now, but still very trying because in arguments she tends to get off-topic, misinterpret things, or confuse the issue. Sometimes she'll give non-relevant responses which make me wonder if she truly misunderstands the issue, or if she's subconsciously trying to sabotage the conversation. I've become much better at identifying a conversation that is going nowhere and walking away from it, and our discussions happen in a much calmer way, although the content is still quite circular at times. Huge progress, but still very challenging.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I had tried all of that, exactly that, and much more, all with the same results. I've been in therapy for several years so I'm familiar with everything you're saying. Things are much better now, but still very trying because in arguments she tends to get off-topic, misinterpret things, or confuse the issue. Sometimes she'll give non-relevant responses which make me wonder if she truly misunderstands the issue, or if she's subconsciously trying to sabotage the conversation. I've become much better at identifying a conversation that is going nowhere and walking away from it, and our discussions happen in a much calmer way, although the content is still quite circular at times. Huge progress, but still very challenging. It's been 4 years bro. Time to move on.
Els Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Ah, okay. Read your first few pages, and I understand where you're coming from a bit better now, in relation to your latest dilemma. A lot of what you mentioned in your first post and your most recent one sounds like miscommunication or contrasting communication styles to me, honestly. What stands out to me the most is where you say that she brings up issues that she's insecure about, you feel like she's blaming you and you're not at fault, and all of that escalates into a huge fight. Yet she should be discussing such issues with you, she just should not be bringing it up in a manner in which it sounds like you are at fault, or you should not be interpreting it as such. See what I'm getting at here? Things like this take time and effort on both parties' sides to work on and compromise with, IMO. There may be some base incompatibility in that it has taken you both so long for so little progress, but I do think that these are things that most LTR couples do need to work on at some point or another of their R. Also, are you an INTJ, by any chance?
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 The title says it all. I just can't take it anymore. Everything I do is overanalayzed and blown out of proportion. If I apologize, she keeps pushing the issue until she gets me furious at which point I go off on her and demand she apologize for starting a fight. Eventually she finally apologizes briefly and then expects me to drop it instantly, but I can't just let it go like nothing happened once I reach that state of anger. This goes around in circles and I just have no idea what to do. In the beginning I tried to stay assertive and calm but she has pushed me to the point where I'm bordering on rage every time she brings something up. (which is almost daily) They're ridiculous things too, like being two hours late to her house and missing a dinner she made because my uncle is in town from across the country and I had to have a family dinner with him. I even kept her updated ahead of time and she still got all butt-hurt. She brings up little stuff that upsets her and wants to talk it out with no regard to her being insecure DESPITE me doing nothing wrong. I have to argue with her 10 - 15 mins before she admits that maybe I didn't do anything wrong, but it always turns into a fight first. She never backs down and apologizes until she gets me furious. Is there hope with this one? Is she insane? Should I run like hell? What can I do to make this work? I'm exhausted.... Too tired to give a ton of advice but if my guy was 2 hours latest my place I would be pissed. That being said, maybe you guys aren't right for each other. Don't act innocent, because she may be insecure but you also may not be helping. She isn't crazy, just maybe not the one for you. That being said, I get pretty insane mad about things and my man deals with it all in strides. Depending on how long you have been together could decide whether you dive deeper to understand where she is coming from or just just your losses. It isn't a list cause, just one that could take more work than you are willin to put in.
Author Phateless Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Ah, okay. Read your first few pages, and I understand where you're coming from a bit better now, in relation to your latest dilemma. A lot of what you mentioned in your first post and your most recent one sounds like miscommunication or contrasting communication styles to me, honestly. What stands out to me the most is where you say that she brings up issues that she's insecure about, you feel like she's blaming you and you're not at fault, and all of that escalates into a huge fight. Yet she should be discussing such issues with you, she just should not be bringing it up in a manner in which it sounds like you are at fault, or you should not be interpreting it as such. See what I'm getting at here? Things like this take time and effort on both parties' sides to work on and compromise with, IMO. There may be some base incompatibility in that it has taken you both so long for so little progress, but I do think that these are things that most LTR couples do need to work on at some point or another of their R. Also, are you an INTJ, by any chance? Lol it's been years since I took the Meyers-Briggs. I need to do it again. I did take a personality test with my employer though, and it revealed that I'm mostly blue, which is ideas. InColor Insight - Achieving Growth Through Awareness Thanks for the very helpful reply, and I agree 100% that she should be discussing issues with me in a productive way! The constant insecurity really isn't much of an issue anymore, but conflicting communication styles definitely still is. I think part of the problem is that she genuinely does seem to blame me for her feelings, even though she says she doesn't. It also seems as if she expects that by default my actions will follow her feelings, and she's upset when they don't, although again, she says this isn't the case. Here's a very minor example - it annoys her if I don't three-fold a towel before I put it back after every time I use it, and I understand her feelings perfectly because I have a few quirks like that myself, but there's no way I'm going to do it because it takes too damn long and I grab the towel frequently when I'm in the kitchen. I might, however, be willing to three-fold the towel once or twice in a day. She expects that after telling me her feelings I will do what she wants by default and doesn't seem to leave much for room for anticipating that I might understand her perfectly and still not do what she wants, but have a perfectly good reason for it. I believe we should discuss her feelings as one issue, my feelings as a separate issue, and then decide together on a course of action, which is what I always try to do. Now obviously if something bigger comes up my actions might follow her feelings! If she tells me that she doesn't like it when I talk too much about my progress in the gym because she's self-conscious about her own body, then I'll shut up right away and not question it! Or if she tells me that she's sick of hearing about geeky computer and Android stuff then I'll cut it out because I know it bores her. That's perfectly fair. Another example from the past - On the other hand she might feel insecure about one of my close female friends and want me to stop hanging out with her, or stop confiding in her for advice. I can absolutely understand her feelings and validate them, but I most certainly will not cut myself off from my support system, and it's on my gf to be enough of a big girl to understand my actions and not be upset about them. In these cases where we disagree, she needs to learn to keep her cool and talk it out with me instead of getting overly upset and emotional and making a productive conversation impossible.
Author Phateless Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Too tired to give a ton of advice but if my guy was 2 hours latest my place I would be pissed. That being said, maybe you guys aren't right for each other. Don't act innocent, because she may be insecure but you also may not be helping. She isn't crazy, just maybe not the one for you. That being said, I get pretty insane mad about things and my man deals with it all in strides. Depending on how long you have been together could decide whether you dive deeper to understand where she is coming from or just just your losses. It isn't a list cause, just one that could take more work than you are willin to put in. Thanks for your reply, but there was an important clarification that you missed a few pages back. I wasn't actually late - much earlier in the day I had rescheduled with her to accommodate my Uncle who was in from out of town, and she had agreed to this. Since I only see him a couple times a year, I felt this was reasonable. She freaked out later and accused me of ditching her. Does that make sense? I wish Tony would edit the first post for me.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Thanks for your reply, but there was an important clarification that you missed a few pages back. I wasn't actually late - much earlier in the day I had rescheduled with her to accommodate my Uncle who was in from out of town, and she had agreed to this. Since I only see him a couple times a year, I felt this was reasonable. She freaked out later and accused me of ditching her. Does that make sense? I wish Tony would edit the first post for me. Yeah, it makes sense, but that isn't really the point. The point is that even if it is unfair, and even if you don't think it mattered, it mattered to her. Have you guys been together for a whole now? It all just sounds like you are getting tired of providing that security, which I get, but that doesn't mean that you can't own up to your role. You either try to shift your attitude towards her or you move on. It's possible, but it will take being more understanding and communication. I'm an emotional woman, an my man knows my feeling get hurt easily, he ha Ben amazing at making me feel better when I feel like he has done something wrong, and even in times when he doesn't think he has, he doesn't try to justify his side, he just opens his heart to validate my feelings. It's why we are so perfect together lol
Star Gazer Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 You either try to shift your attitude towards her or you move on. It's possible, but it will take being more understanding and communication. I'm an emotional woman, an my man knows my feeling get hurt easily, he ha Ben amazing at making me feel better when I feel like he has done something wrong, and even in times when he doesn't think he has, he doesn't try to justify his side, he just opens his heart to validate my feelings. It's why we are so perfect together lol Why do you do this? Go into other people's threads about their relationship troubles and talk about your own relationship and how perfect you think it is? Do you realize how rude and self-serving that is? Every relationship is different, as the two people in it are different. To use your 6/7-month relationship, which contains two very different people from Phate and his girlfriend of FIVE YEARS, as the example of how it should be, isn't fair or appropriate. Your relationship isn't one that everyone should try to mimic. I certainly wouldn't. I mean, I certainly wouldn't suggest to Phate that he change himself to suit his GF, the way your BF has for you. That's bound to build a lot of resentment and frustration... Oh wait, that's exactly what Phate *is* experiencing right now. Maybe you should take advice from him, not the other way around...? In any event, Phate: I think you've always known what needs to happen, and you come here for validation of that instinct. You'll do right by both of you if you end it. Don't waste anymore time. Life is too short. 2
Author Phateless Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Yeah, it makes sense, but that isn't really the point. The point is that even if it is unfair, and even if you don't think it mattered, it mattered to her. So you understand that I checked with her in advance to change the plan for a very good reason, and she agreed, and then later went back on our agreement and freaked out at me when I had done nothing wrong, according to an agreement we had made? You understand that perfectly and yet you're still on her side? Wow... Why do you feel she was in the right for doing that? I do not understand. Why do you do this? Go into other people's threads about their relationship troubles and talk about your own relationship and how perfect you think it is? Do you realize how rude and self-serving that is? Every relationship is different, as the two people in it are different. To use your 6/7-month relationship, which contains two very different people from Phate and his girlfriend of FIVE YEARS, as the example of how it should be, isn't fair or appropriate. Your relationship isn't one that everyone should try to mimic. I certainly wouldn't. I mean, I certainly wouldn't suggest to Phate that he change himself to suit his GF, the way your BF has for you. That's bound to build a lot of resentment and frustration... Oh wait, that's exactly what Phate *is* experiencing right now. Maybe you should take advice from him, not the other way around...? In any event, Phate: I think you've always known what needs to happen, and you come here for validation of that instinct. You'll do right by both of you if you end it. Don't waste anymore time. Life is too short. Thanks SG, I really appreciate the backup and the advice. I just feel sick to my stomach. 1
Els Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 (edited) I asked about the INTJ thing, because.... well. I recently read this joke, which actually does a pretty good job of explaining the personality types. You've posted a lot about your gf's responses during arguments and how they just don't make sense, and how that irks you. That sounds like a very personality type thing - I've found that as strange as it may sound, 'sense' is rather subjective. In an argument, it's not uncommon for both parties to be thinking that the other person doesn't make sense, but what they are saying makes perfect sense to themselves. Does that make sense? Here's a very minor example - it annoys her if I don't three-fold a towel before I put it back after every time I use it, and I understand her feelings perfectly because I have a few quirks like that myself, but there's no way I'm going to do it because it takes too damn long and I grab the towel frequently when I'm in the kitchen. I might, however, be willing to three-fold the towel once or twice in a day. Interesting. You mention she's been seeing a psychologist/therapist. Have there been any diagnoses of OCD? I had an inkling of that after your first post (the Obsessive part - hence the constant need to dwell on issues and overanalyze everything), but dismissed that as me just pathologizing behaviour, until the towel thing came up. She expects that after telling me her feelings I will do what she wants by default and doesn't seem to leave much for room for anticipating that I might understand her perfectly and still not do what she wants, but have a perfectly good reason for it. I believe we should discuss her feelings as one issue, my feelings as a separate issue, and then decide together on a course of action, which is what I always try to do. Now obviously if something bigger comes up my actions might follow her feelings! If she tells me that she doesn't like it when I talk too much about my progress in the gym because she's self-conscious about her own body, then I'll shut up right away and not question it! Or if she tells me that she's sick of hearing about geeky computer and Android stuff then I'll cut it out because I know it bores her. That's perfectly fair. What does she say when you tell her this? Also, whoa, you code Android? Mind if I send you a PM? I've been headdesking over being stuck on a project for ages. In these cases where we disagree, she needs to learn to keep her cool and talk it out with me instead of getting overly upset and emotional and making a productive conversation impossible. She certainly does. However, it sounds to me like it might be a feedback loop, as your style of handling relationship issues sounds slightly dissociative (not your fault at all, simply incompatibility with her style), which might feed into her insecurities and cause her to be more emotional? I'm not saying that it's your fault, mind you - if your gf had been here I'd have quite a lot to say to her as well. The crux of it, though, is that these issues have been brewing for years. Essentially, it's up to you to decide what the likelihood of positive change is, and whether or not you feel it is worth spending the next few years of your life with the current situation. Edit: Just thought of something that might help you. Your situation strikes me as having some similarities with the situation the bf and I were in a few years back, honestly, so I feel I can empathize. What worries me isn't that you're facing it, but rather how long it's dragged out without significant improvement. So, my question to you is: WHY does the thought of leaving make you sick to your stomach? Is it because you genuinely want this R to work? If you do, why? Otherwise, what keeps you in it? Edited June 2, 2013 by Elswyth 1
Star Gazer Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Thanks SG, I really appreciate the backup and the advice. I just feel sick to my stomach. If it was easy, you'd have ended it by now. Of course you feel sick. You care. You've invested. You have history. You don't want to hurt her. I saw those emotions on my ex's face when he broke the news to me too. Looking back, I actually feel for him. I know that wasn't easy and it tore him apart. At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for YOU and YOUR LIFE. You haven't been happy deep down in your core with this relationship for a long time, if ever. You've put in enough time to know what the dynamic is and how it will remain... I also know plenty of awesome girls in the Bay Area... Just sayin'. 1
JBlackstone Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Funny, you posted to my last post, and it was good advice....Then I read your post and had to laugh because I believe it may be my boyfriends side of the story if it was possible to hear both....Relationships suck! This would definitely be my boyfriend's side of the story too! I know how I behave in our relationship. I am very aware of it. I am trying to fix things, and like the OP i believe my boyfriend sticks it out because he believes things will get better. I feel as though I am making improvements but sometimes I'm not sure he sees it. We will be ok for a while and then something will happen and I blow up. Sometimes I just cannot control myself. I do know for me it was from sh*t in past relationships that made me this way (insecure and untrusting) and not anything to due with my current boyfriend. Perhaps, this could be the case with your girl, rather than a personality disorder. 1
Star Gazer Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Now obviously if something bigger comes up my actions might follow her feelings! If she tells me that she doesn't like it when I talk too much about my progress in the gym because she's self-conscious about her own body, then I'll shut up right away and not question it! Or if she tells me that she's sick of hearing about geeky computer and Android stuff then I'll cut it out because I know it bores her. That's perfectly fair. Woah. That's perfectly fair? That's not fair at all! You should not talk about things that are important to you and make up a great deal of your daily life, just because it makes her insecure about herself or it bores her? I dunno, man. I have body and athletic performance insecurities like many girls, and I want to hear about it because I'm PROUD of the progress my man (when I have one) makes, and actually brag on his behalf. And if there's something he's really into, like techie stuff, I listen within reason because it's important to at least pretend like you care about your SO's interests! You're bending over backwards, from what I can see.
Matmana Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 There is so much going on in this post that I can't keep up. Honestly, I used to date a girl that was very insecure and projected her problems onto me. As a boyfriend, the most important thing to do is support her and make sure you show her that you care. But also, you have to make sure you are happy and she doesn't make you miss out on things you enjoy. Try your best, but in the end you do have to make sure what is best for both of you. I hope everything is better now and I wish you the best of luck.
todreaminblue Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I dont see what the problem was if you told her before hand........why would she go ahead with the dinner if you couldn't make it? I have had friends cancel on me........while i have been preparing dinner....it happens...life happens.....if it was a constant thing you not turning up that wouldnt be fair would it?....that would warrant a need for a discussion maybe you should have an open and honest discussion with your gf....tell her exactly how you feel, tell her you dont want to be in a darmatic relationship like this and if things don't change, you can see it wont work, dont be mean just be honest....best wishes....deb
shexy Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 She thrives on drama. If you're sick of it, it's time to end it. She won't change - she just wants nonstop attention.
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