tsabs Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 i actually just read some more of your post and realized that it sounds like it is borderline abusive. When you spend more time being afraid to talk to your lady because of her reaction to things than actually talking, that is a very bad sign. She needs to talk to someone honestly about where this is coming from and stop using you as her emotional whipping boy.
Trialbyfire Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Sorry ladies but I'll have to agree with Phateless on the bike ride thing. I also get low blood sugar when hungry, even shaky sometimes, so if I don't eat something substantial, not just a little snack, driving would be dangerous. She over-reacted or she can't relate to how deadly serious this is.
Author Phateless Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Sorry ladies but I'll have to agree with Phateless on the bike ride thing. I also get low blood sugar when hungry, even shaky sometimes, so if I don't eat something substantial, not just a little snack, driving would be dangerous. She over-reacted or she can't relate to how deadly serious this is. Thanks, TBF. This goes back to that driving dynamics and situational awareness thing, lol. http://www.motorcycle-accidents.com/bike_photo/4-21-02_c.jpg
Trialbyfire Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Thanks, TBF. This goes back to that driving dynamics and situational awareness thing, lol. http://www.motorcycle-accidents.com/bike_photo/4-21-02_c.jpg Yes, it's serious but if you note in this thread, the way other members reacted, when they can't relate to low blood sugar shakiness, that's how a misunderstanding like this, can take place. It's a matter of knowing the other person and trusting in their judgement, which doesn't happen often on an open forum like this. But...it's to be expected and worked towards, in a mature relationship.
Author Phateless Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Yes, it's serious but if you note in this thread, the way other members reacted, when they can't relate to low blood sugar shakiness, that's how a misunderstanding like this, can take place. It's a matter of knowing the other person and trusting in their judgement, which doesn't happen often on an open forum like this. But...it's to be expected and worked towards, in a mature relationship. Agreed. What really gets me is that I explained everything to her before I left work. I told her I was trying not to eat because of dinner but remembered how I almost passed out that one time and decided it was a matter of personal safety, so I ate half a sandwich before getting on the bike. I think any adult would be able to put things in perspective here.
zicke Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Sorry ladies but I'll have to agree with Phateless on the bike ride thing. I also get low blood sugar when hungry, even shaky sometimes, so if I don't eat something substantial, not just a little snack, driving would be dangerous. She over-reacted or she can't relate to how deadly serious this is. I have low blood sugar as well, however, I KNOW to snack throughout the day in order to combat the effects. You cannot ignore it all day and then blame it, it is what it is. It's not HER PROBLEM that he has low blood sugar, it's HIS PROBLEM. His alone to deal with. If riding a motorcycle is that dangerous for him, he needs to quit riding the bike, the guy has obviously dropped his bike more than once based on his own statement of "the last time I crashed". They call them donor cycles for a reason. (And yes, I've ridden a bike, more than once). The problem I see is: he only sees his side, not hers. Ever. If she gets irked, all of the sudden he's the victim of someone who "doesn't understand him". Please. I know there are women out there who are horrible partners, I know some in my personal life, heck my MOM is a drama queen partner, and I've had to talk her down many times. It's tiring, I get it. If his partner is that bad, he NEEDS TO LEAVE ALREADY. We are hearing his side only. And his side is all, me me me, what I want, what I do, and she just should be all understanding and not put up a stink. He cannot see OUTSIDE of himself. That is what's bugging me about his posts. He'll admit to standing her up for dinner and then wonders why she's pissed. Tell me, no one here would be a smidgen upset? Please!
Author Phateless Posted July 24, 2009 Author Posted July 24, 2009 1. I didn't stand her up, I pushed the time back. 2. I was at work all day and I eat when I can. Was going to go hungry to please her but thought better of it for safety reasons. 3. I understand why she's upset, but the proportions are seriously out of whack. It's ok to be miffed, but to blow up over these little things is outrageous.
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Sorry Zicke but you don't alway remember to eat, if you're really busy. When it hits, it hits hard and sometimes, unexpectedly. This is a mountain out of a molehill. He did go for dinner so he didn't stand her up. Making a meal is no big deal. Leftovers are no big deal. Phateless, correct me if I'm wrong but you probably did eat, just not as much. Edit - just saw your post. We crossed posts.
Thaddeus Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 People, people, you're missing the forest for the trees here. He didn't cancel the dinner date or simply not show up. He called her, told her what the situation was and she went over-the-top dramatic over it. He has the right to adjust his plans based on circumstances as they arise, especially when the circumstances are out of his control. The issue is not whether he had to change plans - and he kept her informed of those changes - it's the fact that her reaction was way out of proportion to the change. Plans change. Big deal. Happens every day. What's unacceptable, at least in my book, is her drama-rama reaction to it. And I honestly don't think it's going to get any better, sorry to say.
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Wow, I'm kind of floored that people would be defending this girl. We're talking about an issue of life and death/personal safety over one little meal! If Phateless had been my fiance, I would have told him to eat and ride safely!!
aloneanddepressed Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 just curious if the OP has any other examples of her blowing things out of proportion? this thread is interesting, but the meal with uncle, and bike ride incident are getting old. :rolleyes:again, no one should get mad at someone if they had to eat, especially after physical activity.
Thaddeus Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 WE've moved on Thad' date=' we are discussing this now[/quote'] The point remains intact though. She had a choice of how to react. She could have come to him with arms open wide and a big hug and smile and say something like, "So good to see you! I'm so thankful that you're here safe." Or she could rag him out, over and over and over again, about missing a meal. Which person would YOU rather come home to?
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 I agree Thaddeus. Add in the FACT that he's willing to ride 50 miles to go see her after a busy day, half-starved and she rips into him? Holy Dinah, am I the only woman here that can see how childish and selfish she's being?
zicke Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Sorry Zicke but you don't alway remember to eat, if you're really busy. When it hits, it hits hard and sometimes, unexpectedly. This is a mountain out of a molehill. He did go for dinner so he didn't stand her up. Making a meal is no big deal. Leftovers are no big deal. Phateless, correct me if I'm wrong but you probably did eat, just not as much. Edit - just saw your post. We crossed posts. Oh please. Phateless brought it up as "just another" example of how inflexible his girlfriend is. He did NOT go for dinner, he came over, and said, yeah, uh, I'm full. What woman, or man for that matter wouldn't be peeved? When you are in love with someone, you want to do nice things for them, there's preparation, buying the food, planning the menu, getting dressed, preparing the table, etc.... This is not the first time that Phate has done this, heck, his title post was the same situation, except the excuse is: "my Uncle is in town, yeah, the dinner you planned? Not gonna happen". With a few hours notice. The first time? Sure, I'll give a pass, **** happens, the second time? Ummm....this is becoming a pattern, a year and a half later? (After probably numerous times of the same thing happening. Phate, if you don't like her cooking, quit accepting dinner dates already)...I'm pissed. Has no one here ever planned dinner with their sig other? Seirously? It's something you plan and look foward to, it's a DATE. If I planned a menu, bought the food, and the man I was dating for a year and a half said "Yeah, I'm full" I would be pissed. What scares me is that Phateless is riding from I see from his avatar, a very fast bike. He's dropped his bike more than once. Is no one concerned that he could potentially kill himself or someone else while not eating like he should? I drive a really small car, your bike, if you dropped it on the freeway could potentially kill me. My car is built to save my life, but your bike, if you pass out, will kill me if I am behind you on the freeway. Phate, get some specialized help regarding your low blood sugar. You should not be riding a bike if you've dropped and been "escorted" to the hospital more than once because you forgot to eat. That...is selfish. MIght as well drive drunk. Know your body, make plans appropriately. Not that hard.
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Unless she made him lobster bisque, with field greens and a homemade raspberry vinaigrette, with lobster risotto, ummm...a standard meal is no big deal to prepare... Wow...just...wow...
CLC2008 Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 I had to go back and look at some of your posts to get a better picture... When I'm angry at someone, I spend the entire time being angry, from when they wronged me to when they apologize. I find myself holding people accountable for all the time I spent trying to get an apology out of them. Is this fair of me? Just wondering your thoughts. Like if my friend dents my car, but doesn't apologize for a week, I will have a week's worth of anger for him, IN ADDITION to the anger of my dented car. In addition to thiis, if I get an apology for the banged car, I will still be angry at him for taking a week to apologize so it's hard to just accept an apology and let it go. I hold stuff in until I burst then it's a storm So my gf says. My perspective is that I try to play it off and let it ride until I'm sure it needs to be talked about. Truth is, I hold it back until I can't anymore. I'm sensitive and insecure tho, and there are lots of little things I play off all the time. The way it is now, sometimes I'll bring stuff up that she doesn't have an answer for, and so she'll change the subject either because she doesn't have a solution, or she feels attacked by the way I bring things up. So i have to bring it up again later and so on. How do I figure out how to express myself so that she understands my point of view without dumping too much on her at once? She feels attacked, criticized, etc. This is the second girl I've had this problem with so now I'm trying to figure out if I just so happened to pick two girls with similar communication issues, or if this is MY problem that I need to fix. One thing I've noticed is that I find it necessary to express all the hurt feelings I have at once. I want her to know how I'm feeling. Not because I want to make her feel guilty, but because I want her to understand where my head is so that she understands my actions. Unfortunately, she just feels like I'm beating her up. Help me fix this. I really like this girl and I can see that I'm seriously damaging the relationship very quickly. From the perspective of an outside observer (and perhaps your gf), the “sandwich” isn't really about the sandwich...
zicke Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 The point remains intact though. She had a choice of how to react. She could have come to him with arms open wide and a big hug and smile and say something like, "So good to see you! I'm so thankful that you're here safe." Or she could rag him out, over and over and over again, about missing a meal. Which person would YOU rather come home to? Whatever Thaddeus! He "promised" yet again to come over for dinner and she prepared food, and all of the sudden, kicking it in front of the TV? Or maybe some sexy time without any sort of connection before hand? What a DREAM!!!! She had a choice to react, and the more I read, I would have been completely pissed as well. So, Thad? When someone blows off your plans, you welcome them with open arms? Seriously? Doormat much? No, I've done the open arms thing, and let me tell you, it leads ONLY to more, "Oh well, I will stifle my feelings YET again, because, HE SHOWED UP" YAY! WONDERFUL!!! He GRACED me with his presence. Please, may I suck your cock now? And the guy who's getting dinner made? He doesn't give a crap, she did it before, she'll do it again most likely. Sorry, not buying it.
New Again Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Agreed. What really gets me is that I explained everything to her before I left work. I told her I was trying not to eat because of dinner but remembered how I almost passed out that one time and decided it was a matter of personal safety, so I ate half a sandwich before getting on the bike. I think any adult would be able to put things in perspective here. Maybe I should clarify my statement - yes, I think that your gf overreacted about the sandwich thing, BUT it seems to me that throughout this entire thread you're saying how unreasonable your gf is and so on - you're the one dating her, not me. BUT with a lot of the language you're using when you describe these situations, and with the examples you've given of this behavior, it seems to me like there's much more to the story. Maybe your word choice in this thread has to do with your frustration and doesn't accurately reflect your attitude and interaction with your gf and toward relationships. So, in short, yeah your gf is being obnoxious and so on, but I agree with the other posters who said that they don't think it's all on her.
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Think outside of the b&w box, eh?So what's your point? I'm all eyes waiting for some wisdom or the largess of an out of the box...thinker.
CLC2008 Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 So what's your point? I'm all eyes waiting for some wisdom or the largess of an out of the box...thinker. Who said I was referring to you.... But thank you for the compliment.
darknightie Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 I agree w/ CLC- the sandwich incident was not really about the effing sandwich. There was underlying issues there, she was more or less simmering in. Then he gave her a reason to blow, and blow she did. The point of blame is completely irrelevant. This relationship is and has been on a downward slope. Just his trying to make amends, or using a filter on his words to try to do some damage control, only exacerbates the entirety of this situation because he has serious resentment issues. These two love drama. Thats all there is to it.
Angel1111 Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 I just keep thinking that it will improve. She's taking steps to improve but they are baby steps and I'm not sure if I have the patience for the marginal improvements I'll see. I'll fast-forward you to the life you'll have with this person if you end up marrying her; or if she ends up getting 'accidentally' pregnant. My nephew married someone just like this and, 9 years down the road, he'd give his right arm to get away from her. She accidentally got pregnant (right) just as he was about to break up with her. They got married and now have two kids. He loves his children to death, but can't stand his wife. She calls him about 15 times a day to talk about absolutely nothing, and when I suggested to him that he just stop picking up the phone, he said that would be even worse. She never trusts him and because she has gained about 100 lbs since they married, she trusts him even less. Whenever I'm around them, they argue a lot, or it's just the opposite - they're very cold toward one another. And she jumps on him about the dumbest things. Personally, I wouldn't care if I had 15 kids with her, I'd leave. I don't know how he takes this self-centered, childish nut he's married to. If you stay with the woman you're with, you'll have a very similar life to my nephew. It is truly sad.
darknightie Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 I'll fast-forward you to the life you'll have with this person if you end up marrying her; or if she ends up getting 'accidentally' pregnant. My nephew married someone just like this and, 9 years down the road, he'd give his right arm to get away from her. She accidentally got pregnant (right) just as he was about to break up with her. They got married and now have two kids. He loves his children to death, but can't stand his wife. She calls him about 15 times a day to talk about absolutely nothing, and when I suggested to him that he just stop picking up the phone, he said that would be even worse. She never trusts him and because she has gained about 100 lbs since they married, she trusts him even less. Whenever I'm around them, they argue a lot, or it's just the opposite - they're very cold toward one another. And she jumps on him about the dumbest things. Personally, I wouldn't care if I had 15 kids with her, I'd leave. I don't know how he takes this self-centered, childish nut he's married to. If you stay with the woman you're with, you'll have a very similar life to my nephew. It is truly sad. I wonder if your nephew is my co-worker, lol. He sits on the phone, at least 5 times day @ work, reassuring her that he loves her. And the female voices in the background are just "passerbys". GAG ME. But seriously, you are right on the money. Hell on EARTH is in your near future if this continues. THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. You will suck the life out of each other. We all have those people who simply bring out the worst in us. Its a simple fact. You have met your "match", my friend.
Recommended Posts