crissie Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Why does my boyfriend hate me so much that he would try to drive me to insanity?? Various times though out the past 3 years I knew he was cheating. First time I went on his email account while at his house, found the emails to set up dates..I logged out, and brought it up to him a week later, he said those were from a year before, I told him to log onto his account...He erased them all...The emails were not there! He proceeded to say that they were from the following year (I know they weren't) And then yelled at me for being insecure and saying if I couldn't control my jealousy he would break up with me. Few months later, he changes his phone number for work purposes, I am on the phone with him and he tells me how an ex girl friend just sent him a text saying: Oh sorry I text the wrong person, Hope you're doing OK...He went on to laugh and say how pathetic of an attempt that was to contact him...My question to him was, how does she have your new number? Without missing a beat he says I don't know good question, Maybe a mutual friend of ours gave it to her..I'm really not sure..I keep questioning until he says, Look I told you I don't know, I can't explain it, all I can tell you is I didn't give it to her and I haven't talked to her since we have been dating..You are starting that jealousy thing again and if you don't quit I am going to break up with you..... I have found evidence of him on dating sites, I have caught him texting, emailing, calling and "accidently running into ex girlfriends at the beach and hanging out with them" But yet I still let him tell me it's not true and that my jealousy is going to cause us to break up.... He finally broke up with me, I begged him to stay...I do love him, I thought he was the one I was going to marry..... He told everyone that I was crazy and he was afraid that I would do "something" to him, that my jealousy and insecurity was out of control, He yelled at me, telling me how I needed to get professional help...(which btw, I did) Why does/ did he do that? Does he hate me this much that he wants to drive me to insanity? Why do I take this? After he broke up with me I begged him for days to come back, I swore I wouldn't be jealous and I would learn to trust him..He said it was too late, Fix myself for the next guy because he wanted nothing to do with me.....I cried for days, finally I got help, I told them I need something, some kind of medication so that I wouldn't be so crazy... She told me she doesn't believe that I need any medications that I am just suffering from a broken heart and that broken hearts just need time to mend.. THEN WHY AM I STILL WILLING TO TAKE HIM BACK (for one) and two WHY DO I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH THAT HE CAN TREAT ME LIKE THIS AND I STILL THINK IT IS MY FAULT????
Phateless Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Low self esteem and general insecurity. This guy is a dick and you need to move on. I'm not sure why you think you need a relationship to validate you but hopefully through therapy you can make progress. I used to feel the way that you do and I can assure that it will get better in time. It may take a lot of time, but trust yourself that you deserve better.
Author crissie Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 I wish it was just low self-esteem and insecurity..I'm afraid it's something much deeper. I am over 30, I have never acted like this in any type of relationship. I know what I am, I know I could date pretty much any man I wanted...I know I am too good for him.... If I explained him most people would laugh.. actually all my friends do laugh and think I am pathetic for even liking him... It's something much deeper- I need medication
Phateless Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I wish it was just low self-esteem and insecurity..I'm afraid it's something much deeper. I am over 30, I have never acted like this in any type of relationship. I know what I am, I know I could date pretty much any man I wanted...I know I am too good for him.... If I explained him most people would laugh.. actually all my friends do laugh and think I am pathetic for even liking him... It's something much deeper- I need medication That is a self-limiting belief, Crissie! I want you to stop telling yourself you're messed up, because you might believe it! If this is the only relationship that has ever made you feel this way, then maybe it's the relationship itself that's doing it to you. I think you would do well to try to move on. In time you'll feel better.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I wish it was just low self-esteem and insecurity..I'm afraid it's something much deeper. I am over 30, I have never acted like this in any type of relationship. I know what I am, I know I could date pretty much any man I wanted...I know I am too good for him.... If I explained him most people would laugh.. actually all my friends do laugh and think I am pathetic for even liking him... It's something much deeper- I need medication I agree with Phatless. I don't think your crazy or need meds. It sounds like you got tangled up with a guy who is a jerk, and your depressed. Time does heal most wounds.
Phateless Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I predict you will feel a huge sense of relief when you can finally let him go.
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Bottomline - The guy is an a-hole! WHO cares what he thinks/feels. He has treated you like crap, has no respect for you at all. What is it that you loved/love about him? What good did he truly bring into your life? How did he make you feel good, loved, special and adored? To me, it sounds like he's selfish, he's a cheater, a liar, a PIG and has no respect for anyone period. BE glad he's not your bf anymore. Trust me, you can do better. HIS loss, not yours! Chin up and don't waste one more tear on him. He isn't worth it!
utterer of lies Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 WHY DO I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH THAT HE CAN TREAT ME LIKE THIS AND I STILL THINK IT IS MY FAULT???? Because you are weak. You'll be hurt and hurt and hurt again until you're strong enough. The great thing about it is: You're the one to decide if this takes days or years. Isn't life wonderful?
Author crissie Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 So what I am gathering is 1.) He's an Ass and has lying/cheating issues, then acts like most men with these issues and blames it on me 2.) I am weak because I know this is how he is yet I keep allowing him to do these things. I guess, in from the start I should have told him that I will not accept this behavior and walked way, giving him the chance to decide if he was going to change.. Now he has the upper hand and will never change because he figured out I can be manipulated into thinking I am crazy.... Guess another relationship lost.... At the point now where I am not dying inside, but still not at the point that makes me sure if he called me right now I would be strong enough to tell him to go #%&$ himself...in time I guess??
utterer of lies Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 So what I am gathering is 1.) He's an Ass and has lying/cheating issues, then acts like most men with these issues and blames it on me He blames it on you because he can, because you let him. 2.) I am weak because I know this is how he is yet I keep allowing him to do these things. Exactly. I guess, in from the start I should have told him that I will not accept this behavior and walked way, Exactly. giving him the chance to decide if he was going to change.. Yes, but most likely he won't/wouldn't have. Now he has the upper hand and will never change because he figured out I can be manipulated into thinking I am crazy.... Wrong. You can still put a stop to this, if you want. Guess another relationship lost.... At the point now where I am not dying inside, but still not at the point that makes me sure if he called me right now I would be strong enough to tell him to go #%&$ himself...in time I guess?? 'In time' is just a cheap way out for yourself. I would translate it as: I know it's wrong but I will probably let him treat me like this again. Maybe I'll hurt enough next time to finally stop it.
Author crissie Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 I think the only thing that is making this hard to believe that it's just him, is that he has no reason to stay with me and be a cheater. We don't live together, we do not have children together, He is by no means "stuck" in this relationship... So that gets me to thinking it is my insecurity and he isn't cheating... I just am that jealous and insecure.. I mean what reason does he have not to just say, Yes, I am cheating...I don't want you anymore??
utterer of lies Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I mean what reason does he have not to just say, Yes, I am cheating...I don't want you anymore?? Some people can't be alone. You might be his back-up plan. Maybe he wants regular sex with more than one woman. Who knows....does it matter? Should it?
Author crissie Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 What matters if he is cheating...Or if I am making it all up because I am insecure.... I just want to know which one of us have the problem.... I can't except throwing away this relationship if it was brought down by my "illusions" And he claims that is all it is...
donna29 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Ive been living with a man who has been living a double life for the past 3 years...cant believe i was so gulable to accept the feeble excuses......anyway im nursing a broken heart after 10yrs people tell me im well rid. im worth much more and you are too, look after number 1 xx
Author crissie Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Thanks Donna, and good luck too you on your healing. It feels shameless to complain about a relationship that was not as evolved as one that you are referring to... But on the other hand, I wish I just wish, I knew If he was really cheating... He wrote me a message just now...(para-phrased) is states, You will think I am full of **** but... you were my best friend and my lover, you understood all my faults and still loved me and I don't know where to find that again. I can't be with you because your insecurity is more then I can handle, and you need help. I can't be your friend because I can't stand to hear about you with other guys..... So his point still stands...He didn't cheat and I throw all of this away because I am crazy....
freestyle Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Hi Crissie, Please clarify something, are you now believing that he didn`t cheat, and it was merely your insecurites speaking? Or was the last phrase or your last post still quoting his message? I`d like to offer some help, but I`m not clear about your last post, so I`ll wait until I have that info.......... in the meantime, are you familiar with the phrase, "gaslighting"?
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