bluewolf17 Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Ahhh! My rollercoaster of getting over him is definetly in a dip. I feel really low these past two days. I have an anxiety of calling him up, texting him, emailing him, etc. But I have nothing to say! Everythings been said. Why some days are like this-I may never know. Please just comment me back and tell me I am doing the right thing. He didn't want to get back together. He said he wanted to "wait and see" what happens, but he put in no effort. I had to do all the dirty work. I won't call! I know it would only end in me feeling more hurt. That's the only thread I am holding onto today. Some reassurance please.
lovdnlost Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 you're doing the right thing by staying away and NOT messaging him or contacting him in anyway!! Its hard to deal with the anxiety for sure. i know it must be extremely overwhelming. but trust me, you will only hurt more by contacting him. it may be a temporary relief but that's not what you want for yourself. you want the long term gain from all this so please just stay NC. go for a walk and leave your phone behind. listen to some feel good music and turn it up real loud!! call up some friends and just be around some positive people who love you!! "wait and see"??? screw that.....we shouldn't have to wait for nobody. he either wants to be with you or he doesn't and if he puts in no effort, just remember that actions say it all. words are empty without them. you're strong, you're better off without him...you can do this!! i believe in you!
delajoonal Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 whatever you do today..at least today...DO NOT CALL HIM! keep posting her on LS every 5 minutes if you have too..just to let out what's in your head and heart...BUT do not call him...you will be sooo sorry for showing the weakness....keep up the good work..NO NC:)
Meaplus3 Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 As tough as this may seem right now, you are doing the right thing. And the more you stick with NC the easier this will become. Keep up the good work and don't give in. Things will get better with time. Mea:)
Taucher Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I have nothing to say! Everythings been said. I had to do all the dirty work. I won't call! I know it would only end in me feeling more hurt. That's the only thread I am holding onto today. These are your reasons why you need to keep NC-ing. I too am on NC. I am on day 9. This day has been harder than the others and I dont know why. And, like you, I dont think that there is anything I can say to my ex. Bluewolf, your ex told you he wants to 'wait and see'. Not a helpful thing to say, but if (and I mean IF) he means this, then it is up to him to contact YOU. The way I look at it with my ex is that she is either; 1) thinking about me a lot, missing me and wondering if she did the right thing. In this case, let her think. It is up to her then to contact me. She can miss me for longer until she HAS to contact me. 2) she has moved on and is glad that I am out of her life. If she is feeling this, and I call, it is ONLY going to hurt me. I might annoy her a bit but nothing good will come of it FOR ME. Contacting an ex will validate their decision to leave you. They have lost feeling for you and contact will just confirm this. 3) she is glad we split up but misses me a bit and feels guilty. If she is feeling this, and I call, she is still going to be glad we split up but is going to miss me a little bit less. Contacting an ex will make them feel less guilty (if you are nice and polite) or will make them not guilty but glad they left you (if you are angry and demanding) You can do it! I am here with you, on day 9. You are 4 precious days ahead of me. Take care T
Author bluewolf17 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Thank you all. I haven't, and won't. Temptation is a mother #$$#er! And I know he would answer, and we would talk and laugh. That's the crappy part. Taucher you hit the nail on the head. Thanks for the reminder. Good luck with your NC too. Tommorow is two weeks. What a goal! And only 9 days until I leave for Europe!! If anything, being in another continent will further the distance my heart has on him. Really. Thanks to all that responded.
ON MY OWN Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Ahhh! My rollercoaster of getting over him is definetly in a dip. I feel really low these past two days. I have an anxiety of calling him up, texting him, emailing him, etc. But I have nothing to say! Everythings been said. Why some days are like this-I may never know. Please just comment me back and tell me I am doing the right thing. He didn't want to get back together. He said he wanted to "wait and see" what happens, but he put in no effort. I had to do all the dirty work. I won't call! I know it would only end in me feeling more hurt. That's the only thread I am holding onto today. Some reassurance please. You are a wonderful person and derserve better than the @#$% he dished out to you!! Plain and simple. I have been spending months trying to get passed my ex fiance throwing me away like what we had was nothing and there will be plenty of hard days. Trust me you though there will be more heartahche then you can ever begin to imagine if you go back and forth. I dont believe every situation is the same however I believe there are similar types of people who think a certain way and if they dont get some sort of counseling on their behaviors and treatment of others it will not likely change. Check out the "Nah" lyrics by Shania Twain, that'll help. Also laugh TONS. I wouldnt go on a date too soon either, because I didnt want to risk hurting someone else in the process and rebounding unknowingly. It is called responsibility, some have it and some dont. I also have a thread called "chatterbox" in coping that was supposed to help with something like this. I havent checked it in a while, but wasnt taking off too well, feel free to say anything you want, you deserve to, after all a broken heart is so very fragile and deserves that time. There was another thread someone else posted but I couldnt find it. Music, laughter and loveshack have been great to me during a time of one of the biggest losses in my life other than family members dying. Hope something any of the LS friends have posted helps!
gypsi Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Hey bluewolf I am on day 17 of NC i was so tempted to break it again today so you know what i did i arranged a dinner at my house and invited all of my friends and guess what by the end of the night i realized i didnt think about her once and that i would have felt like such a loser if i texted her again! So how about i challenge you to see who can go the longest without any contact
Author bluewolf17 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Your on Gypsi! Mmm..fancy dinner sounds good! Maybe I will stop off at the fresh seafood market and throw somthing together for my roomates.
ON MY OWN Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Hey bluewolf I am on day 17 of NC i was so tempted to break it again today so you know what i did i arranged a dinner at my house and invited all of my friends and guess what by the end of the night i realized i didnt think about her once and that i would have felt like such a loser if i texted her again! So how about i challenge you to see who can go the longest without any contact I like this and think it can have healing effects on both of you. Best of luck to both of you and will look in on you two and see how your doing!:bunny:
SweetyBear Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Good for you for being in NC for so long already. I already know you keep yourself busy and you're doing all the right things and I'm happy for you in that regard. I seriously wish for you, and for all of us, that the process was more predictable. I wish that we'd know when to expect a bad day and could plan accordingly, you know? I guess real strength shines through on these days, not on the easy days. My prediction would be that the more "bad" days you get through with no contact, the fewer and further between the bad days become. Good luck to you as you plan your trip!
georgia girl Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Hey there... I'm on day 13 too and dear God, I just want him to come crawling back to me today! I won't contact him because every time I think about it, I remember him posting that he was "single" on his Facebook before he let me know that. But, I so want to give in when he contacts me. Thankfully (or not-so-thankfully) he hasn't done it today. Keep up the no-contact. It's very helpful to know that someone else is out there in the same boat. We can do this together.
Author bluewolf17 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Thanks to all! I am so freaking glad I didn't reach out to him. Today I don't feel the urge at all. Yesterday I went home and made dinner for my 3 roomates and baked cookies instead. And I wore a red dress the whole time. So 1950's
gypsi Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Lol awsome sounds like it was fun, i am on day 11 not 17 made a mistake oops! Wish it was day 17 tho...no desire to contact her today but she was in the back of my mind half of the day
georgia girl Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Hey there. I'm now on day 14 and didn't contact at all today either. Of course, he texted me (so does it count as no contact when he does but I don't reply). Doesn't matter. Eventually, he'll get it through his thick, unyielding head that I'm not playing this game. Pick a pole, pal. You're either in or out. I can live either way but I refuse to live somewhere in the middle. I'm worth more - we are ALL worth more.
Author bluewolf17 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Awesome Georgia girl! We are on the same day! Today is my NC 14. Two whole weeks since I told him no more contact. Three weeks since I saw him last. It does feel good. Your right..it's so hard when they are reaching out for you. THAT'S WHEN POWER AND DEDICTION TO HEALING REALLY KICK IN. It's easy to be NC when they AREN'T contacting you. It's maintaining contact when they give you little "reminders'. Your right, in or out. I was also stuck in the middle. Completly unfair and painful. I didn't heal at all the 5 months we were in limbo. Lets keep it up!
georgia girl Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 My new motto is that the ONLY thing I will respond to is to a commitment from me. There's no negotiation here. He can be as confused as he wants - just not on my time!
marmaliade Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 My new motto is that the ONLY thing I will respond to is to a commitment from me. There's no negotiation here. He can be as confused as he wants - just not on my time! Hey Whats' your situation? I'm on NC day 2, but my motto is the same
RogueAC Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 I won't call! I know it would only end in me feeling more hurt. That's the only thread I am holding onto today. Bluewolf! Don't do it! You deserve so much more than this lame guy and his "wait and see" attitude. Read what you wrote above -- it will only end in YOU feeling MORE hurt. You don't deserve to be hurt again!!! End the pain/frustration of the past 6 months and you will finally start to really heal and move forward. The urge will pass. It will get easier. Keep strong!!!
lizzylizliz Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Everyone on here's right...don't contact them!!! I just texted my ex and I feel even worse. It DOESN'T make you feel better. It makes you feel horrible and vulnerable, instead of cool and aloof, which was what I was going for. Sending him a text saying I miss what we had has just set me back a few weeks...ahhh! Don't do it to yourself. And yeah, georgiagirl's right....unless they are begging for you back and showing you commitment, don't even bother. Its needless suffering for yourself!!
EmperorR Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Don't contact stay strong it'll just bring you down and you feel more horrible. Trust me I've been there so many times, if you context him 99 percént you will feel more worse after.
Taucher Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 DONT CONTACT! Day 11 for me now. I am quite interested to see how long I can go without contacting. It's a competition with myself and it is making me want to not contact. Plus, I dont want to know what she is doing. No way. T
georgia girl Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Bluewolf and Taucher, you're doing great. Isn't it empowering to stop being a victim and get on with your life? I was so tired of feeling sad all of the time because my boyfriend dumped me. Now, I am starting to take an interest in other things again and I seriously think it's becuase I've been no-contact for so long. Marmaliade, my situation is that my boyfriend of a year became very distant with me and I suggested a break. He took me up on it without a second's hesitation and has been happy as a little clam every since. In the meantime, however, he keeps texting me, emailing and has shown up at my house twice. However, at no time, has he said that he's willing to commit to me or that he wants our relationship back. (Sometimes he pretends we're just buddies and sends me texts like when we were dating about nothing in particular and at other times he has said he missed me.) Therefore, my belief is that he hasn't said a single thing to me yet that would garner a response from me. My theory is: text all you want, then I know you're still hanging on. If I don't respond, you have no idea what I'm doing! Good luck with no contact!
Taucher Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Thanks for your encouragement georgia girl. Unfortunately, after 13 days, she texted me today. Nonsense about our flat and have I heard from the landlord etc. She knows that we have to wait and that I am sorting it... I am a stupid man though, and I replied, explaining the process about our deposit etc again. Now, I feel a bit worse. Especially as she seems so cold. However, NC starts here. Again.
angelface78 Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 I AM ON DAY 33 ONE MONTH ALREADY of NC!!!! ITS SOOO HARD....IM HAVING A BAD DAY TODAY. HIS SISTER SENT ME A MSSG ON MYSPACE AND SAID SHE MISSED ME A LOT AND THAT SHE FEELS BAD BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HER BRO AND I WILL NOT BE GETTING BACK TOGETHER. IT HURT SO BAD TO HEAR THAT. I KNOW HE IS WAITING FOR ME TO CALL BUT I WONT. WITH GODS HELP AND THIS WEBSITE MAYBE I CAN KEEP GOING. I DONT WANT HIM TO KNOW I AM SUFFERING ;( GOD BLESS EVERYONE ON THIS SITE....I HOPE WE CAN ALL GET THRU THIS. I KNOW WE WILL SOMEHOW ;(
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