likestolaugh Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 hello fellow LS'ers... I know I'm reacting (paranoid) for nothing most likely, but I need make sure... My gf and I have been dating for 7 months. We've had a pretty good relationship generally (everybody goes through some issues... not major ones though). We talk everynight before bed, if nothing else just to say goodnight. When I'm out of town we communicate through text (avoid long distance charges).. Last night I sent her a text saying a few things and wishing her a goodnight. She never responded.... and so far today there's been no response form her either. This is very uncharacteristic of her. She's ALWAYS replied to texts, even if it was a couple hours later. I've had no communication with her in over 24 hours now... Everything seemed great with her when I left, and we texted each other when I was travelling... and it was all happy. should I be worried? It's just strange that I haven't heard from her at all like this.
RickValentino Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 You're paranoid bro. Relax. Only start fretting when it's over 48 hours. She'll give you a reasonable answer later, I'm confident of it.
boogieboy Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Yeah just observe her actions, dont interfere, let her initiate communication for a while. You'll know whats up when you start pulling back and she starts pushing, or if she doesnt. Know what I mean?
paddington bear Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Any, any indication of anything wrong between you two before you left? A hint of something, or was everything as normal? Any gut feelings on your part, or is this totally out of the blue? If this is totally out of the blue, personally, I would call her, if she doesn't reply leave a message saying 'Just hoping everything's ok, I didn't hear back from you and am a little worried that there's something wrong' - my first thoughts were, if this is totally uncharacteristic that maybe something bad has happened, someone's died or something. That there could be a major reason outside of your relationship as to why she didn't respond. If you have the gut instinct that the no reply is something to do with you and her and your relationship, then I would follow the above posters advise.
samspade Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Dude, chill out. I'm sure it's fine. Just back off a bit. Wait for her to contact you. Some advice: Texting/communicating by phone every night before bed is cute for a while, but it can be the kiss of death. This kind of sweetness just can't be sustained without losing its effectiveness. Give her the gift of missing you. You need to have a life outside of your GF. Texting good night every night is needy behavior and will repel her eventually.
Thaddeus Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 This kind of sweetness just can't be sustained without losing its effectiveness. Give her the gift of missing you.Very, very true. You know those box of chocolates you get at the grocery store? Having one is nice. Having two is better. Having three is... not so hot. Four is bad. More than that and your stomach might turn. "Sweetness," whether it's from a box of chocolates or constant texts/communications of "I love you" is best doled out in sparing quantities. That way it retains it's special quality.
Author likestolaugh Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Any, any indication of anything wrong between you two before you left? A hint of something, or was everything as normal? Any gut feelings on your part, or is this totally out of the blue? If this is totally out of the blue, personally, I would call her, if she doesn't reply leave a message saying 'Just hoping everything's ok, I didn't hear back from you and am a little worried that there's something wrong' - my first thoughts were, if this is totally uncharacteristic that maybe something bad has happened, someone's died or something. That there could be a major reason outside of your relationship as to why she didn't respond. If you have the gut instinct that the no reply is something to do with you and her and your relationship, then I would follow the above posters advise. nope, in fact before I left it seemed like things were better than ever to be honest. ok, and update: around 11 this morning I had sent her a text just asking if 'everything was ok over there'... about 3 hours later she responded... no mention of last night's no response (although she referenced something in my msg in her reply, so she saw it obviously at some point). Her text wasn't negative or anything... so I don't know (it was generally positive). Odd. about the calling every night thing... personally, I don't really want to do it (it takes up time, see). I don't know if she does either. I think a part of her likes it though. Maybe we bother don't want to feel like we're hurting the other person by saying that we don't need to do that EVERY night.
You'reasian Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 hello fellow LS'ers... I know I'm reacting (paranoid) for nothing most likely, but I need make sure... My gf and I have been dating for 7 months. We've had a pretty good relationship generally (everybody goes through some issues... not major ones though). We talk everynight before bed, if nothing else just to say goodnight. When I'm out of town we communicate through text (avoid long distance charges).. Last night I sent her a text saying a few things and wishing her a goodnight. She never responded.... and so far today there's been no response form her either. This is very uncharacteristic of her. She's ALWAYS replied to texts, even if it was a couple hours later. I've had no communication with her in over 24 hours now... Everything seemed great with her when I left, and we texted each other when I was travelling... and it was all happy. should I be worried? It's just strange that I haven't heard from her at all like this. Wouldn't sweat it. Call or text the next day.
paddington bear Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 nope, in fact before I left it seemed like things were better than ever to be honest. ok, and update: around 11 this morning I had sent her a text just asking if 'everything was ok over there'... about 3 hours later she responded... no mention of last night's no response (although she referenced something in my msg in her reply, so she saw it obviously at some point). Her text wasn't negative or anything... so I don't know (it was generally positive). Odd. about the calling every night thing... personally, I don't really want to do it (it takes up time, see). I don't know if she does either. I think a part of her likes it though. Maybe we bother don't want to feel like we're hurting the other person by saying that we don't need to do that EVERY night. OK then, well then you're getting the 'something's up' message. These messages always mean something's up. Always. So no one's died, there was no major trauma, so this is to do with your relationship to her. Most likely you've done nothing wrong, if things were great, well then it's not your actions. Some outside event, or something someone said, or some thought she's had has altered her behaviour towards you. However....You said you don't want to call every other night as it 'takes up time'. Is she picking up some 'duty' vibes from you? That you're doing this out of a sense of obligation rather than really wanting to speak with her and she is now backing off? And, if you genuinely don't want to be in constant contact, her not replying within a couple of hours is actually giving you what you want, so you should be happy. I do think though, for me, her sudden change is a warning bell. Something's afoot. Say n'owt and watch and see what transpires.
Author likestolaugh Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 no, I don't think she sees it as a duty. She'll usually call if I don't. And I do enjoy talking to her most nights... it's just sometimes I have other stuff I need to do too. I just don't get it though... she was SO SUPER affectionate the night before I left... things were great. Maybe this is nothing... then again... erg. and also, even on nights when she's been 'questioning the relationship', so to speak we've always communicated before bed. Even then.
Author likestolaugh Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 well she responded normally to the text last night. So who knows. Maybe I should just let it go.
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 no, I don't think she sees it as a duty. The question wasn't whether SHE views it as a duty, but whether she thinks YOU view it as a duty. I think she probably does. I just don't get it though... she was SO SUPER affectionate the night before I left... things were great. Maybe this is nothing... then again... erg. and also, even on nights when she's been 'questioning the relationship', so to speak we've always communicated before bed. Even then. She's been 'questioning the relationship'? BIG part to leave out, dude! Her being affectionate and then pulling back should be a BIG sign to you. Combine that with the vibes you are probably giving off about not wanting to contact her to save yourself some free time (), and you've got someone who's emotionally disconnected herself from you..... As she should.
Author likestolaugh Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 ok... I exaggerated that too much then. I'm not giving off those vibes to her. I know that, and she does enjoy our talks at night, now that we keep them shorter. It's just occasionally that I need time to do something else instead (like for work or something). I like talking to her, and enjoy the time I have with her even more. Anyway, she questions everything, gets super depressed over nothing (like the weather) during her pms... that's all I meant. We've had some nagging issues (such as lack of sexual activity... various reasons for that I'm not getting into)... but we've recently worked through them and are now behind us. I should also mention that I got a text this morning after I responded to a question she asked in her txt last night... this morning she wrote "Thanks love! Have a good day as well :-*:-*:-* miss you" oy.
Recommended Posts