Shockedhusband Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I just thought I would give everyone on here a bit of an update on whats going on in my world. You can read my original posting here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t188267/ Its been about 3 weeks since I filed for divorce from my wife and I think in that time we have had the best relationship we have had in quite sometime. Everything has been very pleasant, no fighting, no yelling, just cooperation between the two of us to get the divorce completed. We actually sat down last night to separate all of the marital possessions and got through it in about an hour, even deciding on selling some of the stuff (larger items that we both don't want) to cover credit card debt so we both don't have any coming out of the marriage. We have decided to sell the marital home and I couldn't be happier about that. The only problem with it is that it is going to have to be a short sale. I am hoping to come out of it with minimal impact to my credit report. I actually couldn't be happier about things right now if I tried. I am truly excited about the future and what it may hold. I am free to walk whatever path I choose. I think the decision to get rid of the house plays a huge role in this as it frees up so many options. Some of the things I have come away with during this process is that you have to rely on yourself for your happiness. Like wise you can not be responsible for the happiness of someone else. You can provide someone with support they need to be happy but they are responsible for their own happiness. "Love" blinds you and clouds your brain. Looking back on my experience through all of this I find that most of the decisions I made early on in the process were not logical decisions at all. If you find yourself caught up with a wayward spouse you really need to take a couple steps back and start thinking with your brain and not your heart. If contact has not ended marriage counseling will do nothing and is a waste of money. Let me repeat that, If contact has not ended marriage counseling will do nothing and is a waste of money. Continued contact between a WS and OP is nothing but a knife in the heart to a BS who wants to work on the marriage. If there is still contact there is no way your marriage can be salvaged.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 SH....when its all over, the fog will lift, the sun will come out, and you will be able to breath and think to yourself...."ah...its so nice to not have her around". Short sale or not, attorneys fees or not, financially you will bounce back and you can start living. congratulations on your independence from her
Teslacoil Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Some of the things I have come away with during this process is that you have to rely on yourself for your happiness. Like wise you can not be responsible for the happiness of someone else. You can provide someone with support they need to be happy but they are responsible for their own happiness. I learned this a very, very long time ago on my own and it's a good mantra to follow, not just in love but for life in general. I'm glad things are hopeful for you now and that you're looking forward to a bright future. That's the right attitude to go forward with.
Reggie Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I felt the same way. And, I felt good about the fact that I gave my XWW every opportunity to come clean, stop the affair and try to repair what she had damaged. Some folks just do not have the courage to look in the mirror. Life will be a lot better for you , now.
2.50 a gallon Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 It is a new life, enjoy! At first the future appeared to be so bleak and letting go was scary. But as it turned out, as you said, it did prove to be exciting and fulfilling. I was able to open doors that I never knew existed. I made new friends that I never would have met. Looking back, life with her would have been boring and dreary. Yes the future proved to be many times happier than I would have ever expected and I can honestly say "Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!" to my XW. Where ever she might be.
seibert253 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 The greatest thing will be later on down the road, months, years, whatever, when you get the "I made a mistake". No honey, you made a choice, the wrong one. I made a choice, the right one. Peace.
Author Shockedhusband Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 One thing I am really excited about is I will be signing up for an adult developmental hockey league. I have always wanted to do that and any time I brought it up to my wife she thought is was a stupid idea.
2.50 a gallon Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Have yourself a game plan for the "I made a mistake" scenario. The one I heard was "I was only fulfilling a fantasy" It almost caught me off guard. Five years later I got a phone call from her fiance. He was hot under the collar wanting to know why I was still fooling around with her. At first I thought it was in regards to my then GF. After some confusion I figured out he was talking about my XW. It seems she had stayed out late the prevous night and told him that she had run into me and we had spent the night talking. We lived in a large metropolitan area, lived several cities and 50 miles apart. She didn't know where I lived and vice versa. I was surprised to find that even though I hadn't thought of her in months, that there were these invisible emotional threads. Twenty years later I crossed paths with my ex MIL, and again, for just a second they resurfaced.
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