converg3 Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 This is going to be long so bear with me. I have had a thing for this girl for quite sometime. I would always be in a relationship when her and her bf would break up, and vise versa. I have always known we were attracted to eachother but the timing never seemed right. It semed as though everytime her and her boyfriend would break up i would receive a call from her. I always felt like the guy "on deck". Well, about a month ago i received a call from her. Her and her boyfriend were officially done, and she wasn't doing well. I felt bad for her so i met up with her to catch up and have a beer later that night. we talked for a couple of hours, and on my way home she sends me a text thanking me for coming to see her and that it really helped. And another one telling me I'm a cutie. Of course i was ecstatic in my own mind to hear this, seeing as to how i had been into her for so long, so i tried to play it cool and responded by saying I felt the same about her. She then asked me to go out with her that friday, and we did and it was a good time. For the next two weeks we texted and talked basically the entire day, and each time we would see eachother, things got a little more intimate, resulting in us sleeping together a couple of times. She told me one night she really liked me and gave me several reasons why, but didn't want to rush into a new relationship right yet, and i completely agreed. Things were going pretty well, until this past weekend when her ex decided to show up at her house unnanounced. She still has looming feelings for him, of course, with them being on and off for four years, and he has been texting and calling her lately, which has her emotions going crazy, and now she is really confused. she makes it a point daily to tell me what an amazing person i have been through all of this, and how much she has appreciated me, but i can't help but feel a little slapped in the face. So today i told her i can't stay on this roller coaster with you right now, and that i think she needs to be alone so she can get herself together. I was very understanding and nice about it and told her that we shouldn't really be talking and hanging out for a little while, but that if she really needed to talk she could call. I really like this girl and she and i both feel there is alot of potential, but i just need advice on if I'm doing the right thing. I really hope she doesn't end up with her ex again, that would really hurt. I know I'm probably a sucker rebound, but i just want to hear some thoughts.......
Thaddeus Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 You've been suckered into being her emotional tampon. Friend-zoned, if you will. She gets all the benefits of a relationship with you without having to make any sort of commitment or physical intimacy. It sucks. Been there, done that, will never, ever do it again. From the link:The late comic Sam Kinison (1953-1992) coined the phrase "Emotional Tampon" in his first HBO comedy special "Sam Kinison: Breaking the Rules" in 1987, with this line: "So you just want to be friends, huh? Yeah, I think I know what that means. I become some kind of 'emotional tampon' you need three or four days out of the month... when no one else will take your f__king bullsh__...
Author converg3 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 without having to make any sort of commitment or physical intimacy.It's funny you should say that because we were being very intimate. I don't really know what to make of it.
New Again Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 It's funny you should say that because we were being very intimate. I don't really know what to make of it. There's a good chance she just misses that with her ex. That's textbook rebound.
Teslacoil Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I find it amusing that you describe sleeping with her a few times getting "a little more intimate". You should have waited until she was sure that she wanted to be in a relationship with you before you slept with her. Now instead of starting off in a romantic relationship, you're starting off in a "friends with benefits" relationship, which is infinitely more awkward to get past. Big mistake. You're probably right. She used you as a rebound (however intentionally or unintentionally), and you walked right into it. Your only hope is to attempt to convince her that a relationship with you will be a hell of a lot more rewarding than a relationship with her ex. Whether or not that works depends on how wrapped up she is with this ex and if a relationship with you can seem more enticing than going back to him. Either way though you're between a rock and a hard place. Don't sleep with her again until you know where you stand.
Author converg3 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 you're completely right, i mean, i know i have done stupid things. I just need to know if taking the step back and letting her sort things out is the right move for me, or if i should be somehow trying to convince her that i'm better for her....
boogieboy Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Youre not going to be able to change her mind about her ex while shes confused. She has to decide that she wants to move on, theres nothing you can do. So youre doing the right thing. Leave her be. If she really wants to try again, she will contact you, or you can try her again in another month or so.
Author converg3 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Yeah, i just feel at peace to have taken the step back. I would rather let her heal properly than use me as a crutch and throw me away when she's done.
lilymusiq Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 yea you dont want to be her backup that she knows she can always go to. if you really want to know you should jsut takl to her about it and put things out in the open or else this will just keep happening
Author converg3 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 A day after i tell her she should take some time alone to clear her head she's already making attempts to contact me. I really like this girl but i am wondering how i should respond........
Thaddeus Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 A day after i tell her she should take some time alone to clear her head she's already making attempts to contact me. I really like this girl but i am wondering how i should respond........You don't. You delete her text/email/whatever and don't give it another thought.
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