roopj Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Hey all, Common theme here but I'm having some problems I need some outsider input on. A little background: My gf and I have been dating for 4 years since weve been out of school. When we first started dating I wasnt treating her the best I could have been and was still going out to bars/clubs and talking to other girls. NEVER cheated on her, no kind of intimate contact whatsoever. But, she kept finding out about that I went to talk to an old ex girlfriend, or went out to a bar with my buddies and I could never figure out how. Come to find out, for the first 3 years she had figured out my master password to everything and had been scanning emails, facebook, myspace etc. and had read every conversation I ever had with anyone. The only way I found this out was that she left her email open at my house and I saw an email in there she had forwarded to herself from my account. I have forgiven her for that, but I dont feel like shes forgiven me for looking around back then. She flies off at me over the way I spend my money, my goals in my career, and who my friends are saying they are not what a family man should be like when he gets married; but were not married and I am extremely hesitant about getting married because I feel like something isnt settled between us. She was expecting me to earlier this summer when we went on a vacation together, but I hadnt planned on it until I felt comfortable we were honest and trusted each other, and I dont know how to get to that point. She has let me know recently that shes getting impatient and she wants to get married and have kids soon. But recently weve been fighting over how all this will go down if we do get married. She has a house and I do as well. Mine is bigger and in a better neighborhood, but she hates it. I dont like hers because the family living there before her got something in the vents and I have a pretty nasty allergic reaction to it if Im there longer than an hour. But she refuses to move out unless its to a new house. Given the economy though, that wont happen fast and Ive had a realtor tell me mine will sell faster than hers so I would be forced to move in with her. Along with that, were fighting about how to raise kids we dont have, having seperate bank accounts if we get married because she thinks I will blow all of my money if were in a single account, and it just seems so stupid. She says I dont communicate my feelings to her but when I do it ends up in a fight like it did tonight where we just hang up mad. I dont know how to compromise with her and make both of us happy. I want to get married and I want children, but I dont want mom and dad to argue constantly in front of the kids over everything. How can I get her to see my viewpoint and try and reach a compromise were both ok with? I hate to break things off after this long but I dont know what else to do if we cant resolve this. Any help would be appreciated, thanks - J
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