Hedgewitch Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Hi, forum! This is my first post and is a bizarre one. Long story short I met someone through an anonymous board because I was looking for a very specific type of roleplay via instant messenger. He was expected to remain "in character" and I was myself. I had done this before but the man fell in love with me and the roleplay was over as his mask unfurled. We still speak incidentally and are friends. On that note, I am married. The roleplay with this man was perfection. I revealed all my deepest, darkest secrets to him and we spoke every day like clockwork for about a month. It was pleasurable. The conversations were witty, illuminating and deep. He was a gentleman. I began to become interested in the man behind the roleplay. I sent him pics and he liked them. I told him I had abandonment issues and he told me he was "not one to abandon things." Our last chat was the longest and finally I things got kind of sexual becaue I wanted them to. I sent him some tame nudes and he told me approved (my words not his). I gave his character permission to go get some loving somewhere. We ended the chat on a very high note, his last words to me were "you will never leave my mind". 10 days later, he has not logged on or returned a single email. He has abandoned me. I am perplexed. I figure there are a few possible scenerios here: - He is just bored of/sick of of me. - He has a spouse who does not want you speaking to me. - He's a sadist who gets off on messing with people's heads. - He didn't like my body - He is injured or something has come up - ??? I'd love some advice on this matter. He really seemed to care about me. Why couldn't he just send me a simple message saying goodbye? I don't know where to start! Thanks in advance for responses. I miss...my friend!
Thaddeus Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Here's why:I gave his character permission to go get some loving somewhere. We ended the chat on a very high note, his last words to me were "you will never leave my mind".He likely took that as something like, "This has been fun. Now time to move on to other people/characters/whatever. Good bye." Then again, I've not done anything like this so perhaps I'm not fully informed as to the protocol of these things.
Author Hedgewitch Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 You're probably right but there's other factors. The roleplay was for therapeutic and he knew it. He knew I had abandonment issues and my lament over his disappearance did not go unspoken. I guess I just thought he cared more and I thought he liked me. I think it's low of him to destroy the paracosm I created to help me deal with things I can't contend with in real life and it seemed really out of character for him too. I'm still confused over this. Incidentally, when I gave his character permission to seek someone else it was on the condition he returned to report what happened. The character he plays is...obedient in a sense although the relationship was more nebulous/complex. It's like he did the most out of character thing that would cause the most destruction. He won't even reply to my message requesting closure. He knew he was helping me. Why would he do something so cruel and am I insane to continue hoping he'll return?!
CarrieT Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Let me guess; Alt.com or the Janus Society? Happens all the time in those circle....
Author Hedgewitch Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Nope, neither. And the character he played was a fictional one. A mercenary. And he played him flawlessly. I doubt I will ever find one better. I find myself wondering if he got the pics and lied about liking them which caused him to abandon me or he simply "got the goods" and left. It's the mystery that's killing me. I truly thought he respected me.
hoping2heal Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 You seem to be very affected by the "abandonment". I don't doubt you are, but what puzzles me is this : If you have abandonment issues, and are so distraught by it happening, then why on earth do you intentionally place yourself in situations with shady people that are likely to do that very thing? This person made a relationship with you by assuming a false identity, an alter ego. A charachter. He was up front about it, but that doesn't make it any different. Yet you opened yourself up completely and made yourself vulnerable. Then you went in for the kill, turning things sexual. You made it completely easy for someone to take advantage of your vulnerability ; handed yourself over on a silver platter. I'd know all about that kind of thing, I've made those mistakes in the past. I hope you learn something from this so you don't continue to open yourself up to people who have a neon sign flashing over their head for being the type who is going to use you then lose you.
Author Hedgewitch Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Originally the roleplay was just for entertainment purposes and I don't think either of us expected it to go exactly where it ended up going. I found the roleplay where I could. The character is not a well known one so my choices were somewhat limited. It's a long story as to why I needed (and need) to have this character played. I know it's odd. As the friendship became more intimate (and frequent), I confided things in him and the tone of the chats changed. He helped me. He wanted to. The character was one who would die before disloyalty and the man, well I thought the same of him but I guess I was wrong. Looking back on the chats, I still can't believe I'm in this position. He was "white knighting" me. There was affection there and intelligence. We gelled. I opened up to him. I'm fretting that he lied when he approved of my pics. Maybe he simply lied about liking my body? But then why would he make plans for the next chat? Hell, maybe he really is injured or something.
kimflute26 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Um, what is wrong with you? You're a married woman engaging in role playing and nude picture sharing with another man? Don't you have anything better to do with yourself? Sorry, but I have to be unforgiving here. First off, break off your marriage. It obviously isn't going ANYWHERE anymore. Secondly, when you ARE ready to find someone else, don't expect anything from random guys you meet online that agree to roleplay with you. He obviously got your nude pictures and ran with them. Good job!
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 The character was one who would die before disloyalty and the man, well I thought the same of him but I guess I was wrong. Since it was character role play isn't there some chance he chose to play someone he could never be in RL?
Author Hedgewitch Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Um, what is wrong with you? You're a married woman engaging in role playing and nude picture sharing with another man? Don't you have anything better to do with yourself? Sorry, but I have to be unforgiving here. First off, break off your marriage. It obviously isn't going ANYWHERE anymore. Secondly, when you ARE ready to find someone else, don't expect anything from random guys you meet online that agree to roleplay with you. He obviously got your nude pictures and ran with them. Good job! I beg your pardon but you do not know anything about my marriage so you have nothing to say about it. I have known my husband since I was a teenager and our marriage is as solid as marriages get. He does not restrict me in any way, shape or form and actually gets a kick out of me talking and flirting to other men. He understands that I cannot get everything I need from one person. I am lucky and will not be "breaking it off" any time soon thank you. I do not think it is anyone's position to judge what works for my husband and I. Island Girl, you may just be right! That actually sounds rather logical!
Lovin a scrapper Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I beg your pardon but you do not know anything about my marriage so you have nothing to say about it. I have known my husband since I was a teenager and our marriage is as solid as marriages get. He does not restrict me in any way, shape or form and actually gets a kick out of me talking and flirting to other men. He understands that I cannot get everything I need from one person. I am lucky and will not be "breaking it off" any time soon thank you. I do not think it is anyone's position to judge what works for my husband and I. You air out personal activities on a public forum and get upset when someone criticizes on it? You may think twice about posting these type of things then.
Author Hedgewitch Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Nah. I've read some insightful replies here that have been helpful. Ones making judgements on things that they know nothing about are not so helpful or intelligent though. The question had nothing to do with the marriage but someone decided to assume things they had no idea about and to that what can I do besides set the record straight? Although having a perfect stranger tell me my marriage is "going nowhere" is quite amusing. Ask for advice on a completely unrelated subject, and get off point marriage advice right out of left field. We got a laugh out of that.
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