Sublime333 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 This is a follow up to an earlier post I made. Thanks paddington for your insight, I appreciate it! Soulsearch, for the record, it is not a relationship about sex. In fact more often than not we don't have sex when we are together and it's still just as great. Back to my main question, when a guy says "i don't want a girlfriend at this point in my life" after a few months...is it time to call it quits? I've always gone on the perception that if a guy really likes a girl, no matter where he is in his life, he will do whatever for her. I'm fine to continue the casual dating, in fact it's probably for the better....but if there is zero chance of this becoming more then I don't think it's worth my time.
Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Back to my main question, when a guy says "i don't want a girlfriend at this point in my life" after a few months...is it time to call it quits? If you want a relationship, yes - end it. I've always gone on the perception that if a guy really likes a girl, no matter where he is in his life, he will do whatever for her. I wouldn't go as far to say that he will do "whatever" for her, but I agree that no matter where he is in his life, if a guy is really into a girl, he won't let external issues prevent him from committing to and being with her. I'm fine to continue the casual dating, in fact it's probably for the better....but if there is zero chance of this becoming more then I don't think it's worth my time. Not sure if there is ZERO chance, but why settle for someone who's clearly substantially less interested and invested than you are?
butcher's hook Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I'm fine to continue the casual dating, in fact it's probably for the better....but if there is zero chance of this becoming more then I don't think it's worth my time. C'mon you are not really fine with casual dating. I'd say walk away. He told you he does not want a girfriend right now, listen to that and consider yourself lucky he had the decency to not lead you on further. Continuing on is accepting a fwb situation which you would then have absolutely not right to turn around on him and say he gave you false hopes.
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I've always gone on the perception that if a guy really likes a girl, no matter where he is in his life, he will do whatever for her. True and not true. Depends on the situation. If i find a girl i really like during school year..i will hangout with her..but wont be serious even if i really like her because it will take away from my studies and i pay way to much for my masters program to not pay full attention to it. All depends on the situation.
Thaddeus Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I've always gone on the perception that if a guy really likes a girl, no matter where he is in his life, he will do whatever for her.Your perception, unfortunately, is mistaken.C'mon you are not really fine with casual dating. I'd say walk away. He told you he does not want a girfriend right now, listen to that and consider yourself lucky he had the decency to not lead you on further.I fully agree. He told you clearly that he's not interested in a committed relationship right now. There's no underlying or hidden message, no subtle hint, no waft of innuendo. He's telling you the truth. If you're ok with casual dating, then by all means continue on. But if you're looking for a committed relationship, this dude isn't the guy for you at the moment.
Cora Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 It does not mean he may not be ready for a gf later on. The question is are you willing to wait? Is this guy worth it enough for you to want to wait for him to possibly be ready and want a relationship with you? If you have your heart set on a relationship rather than casual dating, why not go after what you want?
D-Lish Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I know from personal experience not to waste your time. I dated a guy that was upfront about not wanting to make a serious commitment- but his actions said otherwise. I chose to ignore his words and focus on his actions. He did afterall refer to me as his gf and at one point expressed angst over feeling he was falling in love with me I got burned....Badly. My advice is to walk away.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I know from personal experience not to waste your time. I dated a guy that was upfront about not wanting to make a serious commitment- but his actions said otherwise. I chose to ignore his words and focus on his actions. He did afterall refer to me as his gf and at one point expressed angst over feeling he was falling in love with me I got burned....Badly. My advice is to walk away. My response in your previous post was also based on personal experience. The guy TOLD me he didn't want a relationship, he wanted to keep dating other people, but he ACTED like I was his GF. I got burned, too. Whether or not you want to say it's about sex is not important. If it makes you feel better, he's getting the GFE (girlfriend experience) without any of the work that should go into an actual GF. I feel you're being used. Just make sure you listen when a guy says he doesn't want a GF - he's being honest.
burningashes Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Totally agree with other posters. I did this with my ex too, I hung on hoping that he'll "eventually" want me as a girlfriend after he broke up with me for that same reason. I was wasting my time and he had the cow for free the whole time. I excused his reason because I wanted to believe that he really wasn't ready, but guess what? For all you know, he could be looking for someone else on the side right now. Why not? He hasn't promised exclusivity to you and did tell you he didn't want to be in a relationship with you for whatever reasons. I got burned bad too and it's too bad I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Take what the man is saying as it is and make yourself busy. Better be busy than a-wasting your time by the time he comes back, you'll have found a better man who actually wants the same thing you do, with you. You won't even want him anymore. This is a true story, I know because it's happening to me Don't waste your time!
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