Aster Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 So a friend of mine (girl, college) and I have been growing apart for a while now, this summer and the past school year. To make a long story short: we met at the beginning of college, and quickly became pretty good friends. At one point she liked me more than a friend, but chose another guy to date. It ended up working out though, and we became really close, especially over the ensuing summer. But, as all triangles are prone to fail somehow, I started to "like" her that summer too, and by the time the next school year started I definitely liked her. Of course, she was still dating that other guy, and I felt like she would just "use" me as someone to entertain her when that other guy wasn't around/she was just bored and there was no one else to hang around out with. We had a bunch of confrontations, mostly about the same things (her using me, manipulation, etc.). Somehow we still stayed friends though, but for me, it was time to get over her--too much emotional strain with little payoff. And I felt that i deserved more from a friend than she gave. So when summer started, I didn't contact her--no text/im/phones. She texted/IMed on occasion, but eventually that stopped too. I did, though, make an attempt recently to make things better again, but all that resulted in was her yelling at me to stop causing trouble in her life. And after that I came to find out that she has been purposefully (at least, recently, seemingly after that conversation) avoiding talking to me. So clearly everything is not okay, and hasn't been for months now. So my question: is it worth saying anything at this point? or is this friendship pretty much over? She has been manipulative in the past, and definitely has not been a great friend (last year, actually, she was kinda a ****ty friend--never wanted to do anything except spend time with her bf). i miss her a lot, and it would make me really sad/hurt me greatly if this friendship was over, because i really cared about her.
singleforever Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 well it sound like this girl really does not know what she wants. she liked you but desided to go with another guy, she calls you but then desides she wants to avoid you... but to be fair you did avoid her for some time but anyways I would say to stay away from her, it will hurt you more if you try to keep wanting to be her friend, she has made her choices and she chose the other guy, what you need to do is find more activities, join some groups, meet new people and stop dwelling on the past. good luck
tblucky Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 this is textbook being used in the friend zone. walk from this.
Author Aster Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 thanks for the responses guys. Yeah, I think I knew all along to walk from this friendship, it's just that I really will miss her a lot...bleh...
tblucky Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I think you like the idea of being with her, but how does she actually make you feel? Create relationships that are healthier and involve more give and take. Maybe you can still keep in touch with her, but perhaps the boundaries of friendship have been broken a little too much. If you really care for her as a person, try first to create a little bit of distance and figure out if she's willing to treat you as an equal.
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