frustrated924 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 my boyfriend when we are intimate, he seems to be a aggressive more so than other guys ive been with. does this sound like anything strange to you? during sex a few times he gets this tone and tells me to look at him during sex. he'll sound annoyed and be like "look at me". its not that i go out of my way to not, but i think its a little weird for a guy or even a girl to be telling someone to look at them during sex and much less act like they are put off if the person isn't looking right at them. also once he accidentally pulled my hair and thought i liked it, so then he acted like he liked to pull on it, is this odd? when we have sex and he is on top of me, sometimes i tend to slide up towards the head board-not on purpose, if you know what i mean. it seems like he gets aggravated by this. he will then grab my thighs and use a hard grip with his hands, and pull me back down. i swear it has left some small bruises before. i mean, he's not being abusive or nothing i guess. it just seems like he too aggressive in a way. tell me what you think
kizik Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Wow. Just wow. This guy is a total weirdo! And you sound like you've never had anyone else.
Els Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Do you THINK he is annoyed or it just strikes you as annoyance before noone has ever treated you this way in bed before? I dunno, there are two basic possibilities: 1) He's an aggressive jerk, 2) He likes to be dominant in the bedroom. Bit hard to find out which without talking to him about it. When he left the bruises and you didn't like it, you should have already talked to him about it. Why are you waiting so long?
Author frustrated924 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 thank you for replies. to the first reply, no he is not the only one ive been with. but i have not been with many. also, i didnt really notice bruises except a few times. i assumed it was just regular bruises like sometimes you can get from sex. but i think it really might be where he grabbed me, im not just sure so dont want to mention it to him. i think its more weird he told me to look at him in a stern voice. maybe he is trying to control in bed. oh and im not sure if he is annoyed or what it is. it appears to be like he is aggravated
GorillaTheater Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Tough to say. My wife likes a little hair-pulling, and we both like for me to generally be dominant in the sack. But I don't speak or act "harshly" to her either. The domination is primarily physical, but loving. If that makes any sense ...
Kamille Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 frustrated, it doesn't matter one bit what we think about this. What matters is how you experience your sex life? Would you prefer a different kind of lovemaking? If so, what would you like? Don't be afrait to share this with him and tell him. Only a jerk wouldn't want to discuss your sexual needs with you. Does it bother you that he is this rough? Then talk to himabout it. Maybe he does like it rough and you two can come to compromise about it... Times when you two engage in gentler more loving sex and times when you agree to get kinkier (as long as you also enjoy it at times). For me, sex is a form of communication. It doesn't sound to me like you two are in symbiosis when it comes to the act.
TheIrishKid Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 A lot of this can be resolved with basic communication. Tell him what you do or don't like - let him know when something is painful and what your turn-ons and turn-offs are. That will give you a better idea of whether or not you two are sexually compatible and you can take it from there.
Els Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 im not just sure so dont want to mention it to him. i think its more weird he told me to look at him in a stern voice. Honestly, this is the part that bothers me the most. It seems it has been going on for a long time. You feel weird and uncomfortable with it. Why don't you want to mention it to him????
carhill Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Some men use sex as a release for anger and frustration, not necessarily directed at or because of their partner, but rather in general. The emotions are diffused and melded into passion and released with their orgasm. The OP's partner could be a jerk, or he could be insensitive about how he directs his passion in the bedroom. To me, those are different. The former is a more basic and global perspective, whereas the latter is more specific and more easily modified behavior. OP, how does your partner treat you outside the bedroom? Is he gentle and loving? How about when he shows you non-sexual physical affection?
Lindarose84 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Personally, it all sounds pretty normal to me...but then again, it's all relative.
boldjack Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 OP, It may be that in past relationships, the woman preferred him to be stern and agressive, so he has gotten into the habit of behaving that way. You need to talk about it with him, rather than letting it go, assuming he is ok out of the bedroom.
Els Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 While I personally love rough sex, I do NOT agree that any woman should have to put up with even 'mild' rough sex if she's not comfortable with it. Or any man for that matter. :rollseyes:
Author frustrated924 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 its not that i really have had a huge problem with it. the reason i asks is out of bedroom he has been acting what you may say a jerk about some things. now i wonder if he is insensitive in the bed as well. i mostly wondered if just in general this sort of behavior is perceived as WEIRD. is it an INDICATOR of his personality or who he is? i dont mind a little roughness in the bed, but considering how he acts out of the bed now im questioning all of this.
Author frustrated924 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 I had posted this other thread, but no one has responded. this is another example of his behavior. i think he is being a jerk here and now im wondering about in bed as well. if this helps. i am posting my OTHER thread below: "A guy I have know for about seven months. We met online. We talk a lot online but on phone. We have also been hanging out in person as well. We got in an argument online the other night. He kept bugging me to cyber with him haha i know. i told him i wasn't in the mood and stuff. he wanted me to turn on my cam and i said sorry i'm not in the mood tonight and really tired. his reaction was maybe i don't turn you on anymore, and this mad me really mad! we hadn't really got into a bad argument, but he kept making comments like he was going to go take care of his business alone and this was making me feel bad like he was accusing me of being a bad gf and not helping him on the stupid internet. i never refuse him in person. dumb right? so we kept talking about this and i probably should have just said ok fine and logged off but i didn't not. i asked him if he was going to go talk to someone else or look at other girls online. he said "why do you care you ,don't help me" AH! this really made me upset. then this is when i think he crossed the line, he was like "good thing i don't cheat like most guys do when a girl says no". What do you think of what he said to me. Was that last comment a threat or what can you make of it? it really hurt me and that he even used the word CHEAT. he said he was just tired and not thinking, but i dunno. tell me what you think. Thank you"
GorillaTheater Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 He may or may not be a psycho, but he's definitely a Class I dick. Agreed, dump the chump.
Els Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 is it an INDICATOR of his personality or who he is? i dont mind a little roughness in the bed, but considering how he acts out of the bed now im questioning all of this. No. There is no connection as long as the roughness is consensual. The stuff my bf and I practice in the bedroom is... well.. quite a few degrees further than hair-pulling and stern orders. But that's only because we both (and I cannot over-stress the importance of this) agreed on it. He's the most dedicated, sweetest guy ever to me outside the bedroom. It is only weird if he continues doing so even AFTER you communicated your discomfort to him. But you haven't. I had posted this other thread, but no one has responded. this is another example of his behavior. i think he is being a jerk here and now im wondering about in bed as well. if this helps. i am posting my OTHER thread below: "A guy I have know for about seven months. We met online. We talk a lot online but on phone. We have also been hanging out in person as well. We got in an argument online the other night. He kept bugging me to cyber with him haha i know. i told him i wasn't in the mood and stuff. he wanted me to turn on my cam and i said sorry i'm not in the mood tonight and really tired. his reaction was maybe i don't turn you on anymore, and this mad me really mad! we hadn't really got into a bad argument, but he kept making comments like he was going to go take care of his business alone and this was making me feel bad like he was accusing me of being a bad gf and not helping him on the stupid internet. i never refuse him in person. dumb right? so we kept talking about this and i probably should have just said ok fine and logged off but i didn't not. i asked him if he was going to go talk to someone else or look at other girls online. he said "why do you care you ,don't help me" AH! this really made me upset. then this is when i think he crossed the line, he was like "good thing i don't cheat like most guys do when a girl says no". What do you think of what he said to me. Was that last comment a threat or what can you make of it? it really hurt me and that he even used the word CHEAT. he said he was just tired and not thinking, but i dunno. tell me what you think. Thank you" Based on this post alone, he sounds like a jerk who can't keep his blood flowing to the right head, though.
Bayern Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 As you can see, it all depends on who you are talking to. Some people think the whole thing is strange, some thing parts are alright etc. I would say if bruising is due to him you need to talk to him. When you make sure it is/isn't of course. I don't get the whole making you look at him, but some I do understand. The domination is primarily physical, but loving. If that makes any sense Yes, makes perfect sense. Couldn't have said it any better. Physical imposition might be ingrained in the male's mind. Look at animals...
Author frustrated924 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 just wondering why you would say he is psycho man haha. Psycho-man.... I'd beat a hasty exit...
Els Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 just wondering why you would say he is psycho man haha. Re-read the post that you pasted here... Honestly, is ANYthing that we're saying getting through to you? I'm sorry, but I think we're getting to be as frustrated as you are...
carhill Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 His behaviors and emotions are erratic. Consistency is a sign of mental stability, even if negative. I've had enough exposure to such instability to recognize some of the signs. Happy to be wrong Regardless, I think he's a poor choice in a partner, for you.
Author frustrated924 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 i NEVER said i didnt get what is going on.... but is the term psycho appropriate to describe his behavior? plus i was asking the poster who said this, not you Re-read the post that you pasted here... Honestly, is ANYthing that we're saying getting through to you? I'm sorry, but I think we're getting to be as frustrated as you are...
Els Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 i NEVER said i didnt get what is going on.... So, about the 6 posters or so who kept asking you to communicate before you brought up your 2nd post...? but is the term psycho appropriate to describe his behavior? plus i was asking the poster who said this, not you You don't need to be carhill, nor experienced in such stuff to tell that it IS appropriate. Anyhow, carry on. Good luck.
2sunny Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 i NEVER said i didnt get what is going on.... but is the term psycho appropriate to describe his behavior? plus i was asking the poster who said this, not you if he is what do you plan to do about it? keep dating him? break up? you aren't really acknowledging info presented or solutions here... from my perspective - his bedroom manner sounds like he's adventurous and fun - but then again i like a man to sometimes be very dominant! that includes hair pulling, spanking and orders from him! yet, his actions outside the bedroom are showing his disrespect and disregard for you as a woman... i'd totally dump him asap - no matter how fun he was in the sack.
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