Feeling like an emotional retard?

[khyyy]

Well, besides the obvious and somewhat normal, being shy when it comes to talking with women... I'm a generally shy person on the whole scale. Pretty much for as long as I can remember I've been a fairly shy person when it comes to talking about ANY form of feelings... anything I feel will make anyone think less of me, or that would piss off someone I care about even in the slightest form.

 

I'm also heavily paranoid about what people think of me, again though I only get this feeling when it's from people I like. Stuff as simple as I'll text my best friend to see if he wants to grab lunch and not get a response drives me into like a good 30 minutes anxiety attack because I start thinking "Did I piss him off? Wtf why isn't he responding, it's not that hard to simply say "No"." Let alone when it comes to me liking a girl I get paranoid over the sheer fact of her looking at me.

 

I just turned 20 in June, and it seems like for the past 3 months or so I've been becoming more and more depressed with each passing day. Pretty much, if I don't have some form of social contact within like a 5 minute time span of my last contact with someone my chest starts to tighten and I get nervous and get that feeling like I'm loosing touch with reality. I guess it would best be described as extreme loneliness. I feel like a fix to some of this would be somehow managing to get a girlfriend, however back to all my other issues I have huge problems dealing with that whole aspect of life, plus I don't really get out much with how many hours I work a week, I'm usually working, or asleep. At the same time however, I don't want to somehow manage to even get over all my self image issues an get a girlfriend, and be one of those people that is overly clingy and annoying.

 

As for self-image I've always felt a horrible self-image. I mean, growing up through high school etc I had horrible acne, that at this point has left me with a decent amount of scarring which definitely kills self esteem. It was also a big reason I never really tried to get a girlfriend in High School. Now that I'm out of High School and doing the whole college thing, I feel like I have no "game" if you will because I dread looking like a moron because being honest I have absolutely no idea what to say to girls I like. In High School doing the whole "shy boy" thing probably would have been cute to some girls, but when your an adult it looks pitiful.

 

I've also been told by pretty much all my friends girlfriends (most of which are actually extremely good looking, like girls I'd consider highly out of my league) that the fact I don't have a girlfriend is just beyond them. Granted I'm sure most of them are simply trying to be nice to me and cheer me up, but then again I am very very good at hiding my depressions because I've been doing it for so long, my everyday life has become almost an act.

 

I'm also not good with talking about my emotions to anyone. Pretty much the only person I've ever talked to, and it was one instance was my best friend. It actually happened on my birthday this year, I was over his place just hanging out, and seeing him and his girlfriend just kind of smile and kiss you know like the flirty thing hit me hard. It's not like I hadn't seen this a lot, I lived with them for 6 months so I saw this kind of thing everyday pretty much. It was more the fact I started thinking "Well I'm 20 years old now, still have never had one interaction with a girl besides just being friends."

 

Last but not least, is the fact that I've NEVER not once can I remember had a good friend that was actually my age. I've always gotten along much much better with people of an older crowd. My best friend is 27, and of all my other good friends the youngest one is 24. I'm also not usually attracted to girls my own age, which makes it harder yet again... almost any girl I look at and think 'Wow, your hot and a good personality which I had the balls to do something to get you' is at least 1 year older than me.

 

Anyway, I'm just not sure what to do to stop feeling so utterly ****ty on a day to day basis anymore. I'm glad I'm not a moron or I'd probably have a drug problem right now, I mean the only time I'm in a good mood anymore is when I'm doing some recreational drug use. I'm not worried about ever getting an addiction to something like that though, I do it every so often for fun, but maybe once a month or something I'll take some ecstasy or throw back a painkiller. Just simply stating I've known people who felt the way I did right now and I'm glad I have a more rational thinking mind to tell myself that doing drugs on a daily basis will only make things worse.

 

Sorry for the long winded post, just have a lot on my mind heh

[Els]

Pretty much, if I don't have some form of social contact within like a 5 minute time span of my last contact with someone my chest starts to tighten and I get nervous and get that feeling like I'm loosing touch with reality. I guess it would best be described as extreme loneliness. I feel like a fix to some of this would be somehow managing to get a girlfriend,

 

While I too am a bit tired of seeing the same generic reply 'get to a therapist', I really do think you need one. If your anxiety can even manifest in psychosomatic chest pain and 'losing touch with reality', there really is not much that us unqualified people can do for you. You need a therapist, maybe even a doctor.

 

With that said, I too am a bit of a sociopath. I don't think you having a girlfriend would fix any of it. (In fact, you should never enter into a relationship hoping that it'll help you FIX something in your life). Having my boyfriend does not make me less sociopathic. The thing is that I'm happy with what I am -- it doesn't cause me any debilitation with regards to normal functions and daily activities. Also, my guy is every bit as sociopathic. So while being antisocial didn't prevent me from having a boyfriend, having a boyfriend did not 'fix it'.

[khyyy]

Well, in the sense of me saying "fix it" I was referring more along the lines that much of what I dwell on is that at this moment in my life, everything seems like it's leading nowhere. When I think about this I look at my two uncles both of which never had any form of serious relationships, and now there are 50 & 53 and miserable to all hell. I don't want to have that form of thing happen, and I'm scared to ****ing death of it. When I said fix it, I mean having a girlfriend would at least for the time being give me one thing to look forward to, and something to be happy about throughout my average day. Instead of just wanting to leave work so bad so I can just get home and take a nap then browse the internet and maybe read a book/watch a movie or something just to pass the time till I can wake up at 6am again and go to work.

 

Also I would rather not go to a therapist, I had a buddy who used to go to one, and if anything it ****ed him up more by going then when he used to just try and deal with the stuff himself. The only thing that ever seemed to help him was Lexapro, I feel like I just need some things to go right in my life so I have something, I guess "real" would be the term, to hold onto. I don't mean hold in the physical sense (well unless it was a girl I guess you would hold on to her lol), but just something that I want to actually happen... well happen.

[khyyy]

Anyone else have any insight? Any help would really be appreciated right now... kind of just sitting here trying to fall asleep and have to much **** rolling through my head to do so. Which is yet another cause of slight depression (lack of sleep) yet the depression it was causing lack of sleep. What a wonderful situation eh? lol

[ThePocketface]

khyyy, this sounds like a massive victims story, but that's ok if that's where your at.

 

I will attempt to address the comment "I'm just not sure what to do to stop feeling so utterly ****ty on a day to day basis anymore".

 

1. Set yourself goals - You are a man. Men need purpose. Men feel good when they are taking action.

 

2. Get into personal development stuff - Your post screams that you have heaps of rubbish flying aroud in your head. I suggest an Anothny Robbins program, as I have gotten a lot of value from his stuff.

 

3. Drop the victim's story - Leave the past be. Live NOW. From what I have read, it seems you have unknowingly created a "victim identity" for youself. Stop pretending to be a victim. You don't need that.

 

4. Create some kind of routine where you "reflect" on yourself regularly. I keep a journal in the form of a word document. This one is gold, because you can start seeing your bull**** thoughts and realise they are bull****; and this will help you grow out of that. (My early entries sounded like this post interestingly enough..)

 

5. Take responsibility - Are you the shaper of your environment, or is the environment the shaper of you? (It will be easier to take more responsibility with more passion in your life as a motivator, too. This comes from purpose)

 

6. Live healthily - Mind and body are connected. If you eat crap, you have no energy and consequently think crap. Also physical activity is important; not to "look good" but so that your body can function properly and therefore you can think properly.

 

Also, I recomend you check out rsdnation.com for the women business.

 

It's good to see that you have already taken some action by writing this post, so good stuff for doing that. I hope you get up and try some of the things I have suggested to see if they work for you.

 

~Pocket

[khyyy]

Well it's 3 am, still awake just wanted to say thanks for your post, and yeah I'll check out that site. I actually do eat pretty healthy, and I also work out, I'm not in the shape I'd like to be but I'm getting there. I started working out again after like a 3 year lapse in doing so about 3 months ago, lost about 15 pounds so far, from here I'd like to loose maybe another 5-10 and from there just kind of worry about losing fat (I'm far from overweight... about 5' 10" 175lbs), but I still have the excess flab I'd rather not have. As for the Tony Robbins thing, I'll be honest, and not trying to sound like an *******, but I can't stand those form of self help books, and self help tapes... one guys opinion doesn't work for everyone. I'm also more of a communication type, I like human interaction, I'm not much for books, or newspapers I'd prefer a buddy tell me about some news than read it.

 

I had also tried to keep a journal, on Word funny enough. It ended up making me feel even worse about myself because I would read through it and realize how much of a whiny baby I sounded like throughout it and I really hate that. This proceeded to make me feel an even lower sense of self-esteem wondering if people see that side of me on a day to day basis or not.

[ThePocketface]

Exercising is good..keep doing that.

 

As for the Tony Robbins thing...He can come across as...obnoxious(?) maybe, but the content is good. Anyway, there is much more personal growth stuff than Robbins, just a recomendation though.

 

The way I see it, if 50% of what they say is absolute bull****, then that means the other 50% is going to help me. Endure the pain!

 

If you can find someone to talk about this stuff with, that is fantastic; there is nothing better (especially if they are more "developed" than yourself).

 

My initial experience was similar to yours...But thats fine; its just "growing pains". I suggest you try it for 20 days in a row, and if by the 21st day you haven't gotten anything from it, throw out that idea.

 

Keep working at it dude!

[khyyy]

yeah, I don't know I just seem like I'm nervous as hell a good 70% of my whole day. I really wish I wasn't and half the time it's over nothing, like I don't even know why I'm nervous I just well I just am.

[khyyy]

Likkkke right now for example, trying to go to sleep and I'm having a mini panic attack. Why? No clue... just am, lay down my chest gets tight and then after trying to think of wtf is wrong, I start to think towards things that have been bothering me recently and then, tada the anxiety gets worse and worse with the more random **** I think about. All the way from work, to this girl I like I start to think about everything, and not only that but because of the anxiety it's always thinking worse case scenarios.