gorgio Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Just wanted to get some feedback... So ex comes back, leaves rebound and we are together. But it doesn't feel 'right', I can't even explain. Am I the rebound from the rebound? There are still a ton of mixed emotions on both sides I guess. Are these feelings a clue? Can they be controlled?
huck Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Been there... When we gave things a 2nd chance - in a weird way i fealt worse than when we were broken up.. A lot of people would give anything to have there ex back but it isnt as great as it seems.. (All the baggage and heartbreak that has gone b4) Is your ex putting much effort into the relationship now??.. Whos making all the plans etc ? Huck
Author gorgio Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 I guess we both are but I feel as if there is something there that is making it harder. I can't even explain my feelings because they don't make any sense. The previous guy is chasing her around like crazy but she is dealing with it nicely. Maybe it is making it harder for us to start fresh. Maybe you are right and there is too much previous baggage there that is also making it not feel right.
huck Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Weird feeling isnt it !!!. Part of you is overjoyed that you've got your ex back but theres that tiny thought in the back of your head thats saying things like - why is my ex back - are they using me for some reason - will she ditch me again - I dont want to get hurt anymore.. Either way - good luck bud.... Huck...
Author gorgio Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Weird feeling isnt it !!!. Part of you is overjoyed that you've got your ex back but theres that tiny thought in the back of your head thats saying things like - why is my ex back - are they using me for some reason - will she ditch me again - I dont want to get hurt anymore.. Either way - good luck bud.... Huck... You totally got it right! I am just carrying this weird feeling around that is hard to get rid of. Will it eventually go away or do we need some time away from each other before we start fresh? I guess that is the question.
huck Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I think as long as she is putting a 100% into the second chance and not feeling/acting distant then it is a good sign. Its sooo tempting to jump back in with both feet and act like you were before you split up. Not sure if it would be best to take some time apart.. Now you've got her - give it a good go - but only if your getting good vibes thou mate.. Being lazy - why did you break up to start with ?? Not sure if im qualified to advise - but using my previous situation as a benchmark.. Huck..
SRTtoZ Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I think the best thing to do when you are officially 'back together' is talk about things and put EVERYTHING in the past and start new. First date, first kiss, first movie...
Author gorgio Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 I think the best thing to do when you are officially 'back together' is talk about things and put EVERYTHING in the past and start new. First date, first kiss, first movie... That's how this is going, but I still think there is some baggage from the rebound which makes me question everything. I mean, he was the rebound from me now I am the rebound from him. Messy I guess.
WiseOne1 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 That's how this is going, but I still think there is some baggage from the rebound which makes me question everything. I mean, he was the rebound from me now I am the rebound from him. Messy I guess. I defintely agree that as long as you two talk it out and let eachother know how you feel about the sistuation and maybe about what happened in the past, you both should be fine. Some couples reconile, and go wrong when they attempt to hide the past thinking that there just moving on and leaving it behind, but instead you should acknowledge it, and by doing so it will better your chances at the best possible start.
Author gorgio Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 I defintely agree that as long as you two talk it out and let eachother know how you feel about the sistuation and maybe about what happened in the past, you both should be fine. Some couples reconile, and go wrong when they attempt to hide the past thinking that there just moving on and leaving it behind, but instead you should acknowledge it, and by doing so it will better your chances at the best possible start. We are open about everything and there have been considerable changes in both of us. I think the major challenge will be for us to keep our emotions in check.
LovesHangover Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Congratulations, G! The question was clear and concise and the responses were thoughtful and kind. I love it! Also, I agree with the advice - honest and open communication is critical. Plus, you have to effectively deal with the past if you want an untainted future. Good luck and best wishes! - LovesHangover
NopeNah Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Must be something in the water.. My ex has now "returned" also. She "wants us to be a family again". I'm having the same feelings as you. Almost like a weird haze i'm in today. She says "she wants us to only see each other" If I accept this, I'm going to have to end things with the girls im seeing now. I'm VERY hessitant in doing this, because I feel like she could just walk away again at any moment..This really is as bad as the breakup itself..blah! Not sure which way i'm going to go with this.
mark982 Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 emotions are running wild at the time. best thing to do is sloooow everything down. think w/ the right head.
Author gorgio Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 This is what I have decided to do, and I hope this will help others dealing with the same situation: 1. Change your thought process; you are qualifying her If you read my previous posts I am finally ready for a serious relationship and as of today she is just another candidate. It gets hard sometimes, but if you put some effort into it you can easily override your feelings and come up with rational answers. This changes the entire dynamic of the relationship and will make her chase you even more. 2. Stay in touch with other girls I am not seeing / dating other girls but as long as I am not confident that this is going to work out I am meeting other girls for lunch / coffee. No physical contact, just qualifying more candidates. 3. Go out with friends, engage in activities that do not involve her Continue living your life and make yourself a scarce resource; hobbies, friends, work etc. She is not #1 on your list until she has proven herself worthy. There is more advice but it is case specific. If you read my past posts you will understand why she left me; frankly, I can't blame her. So I have to be there for her and project honesty and seriousness. Hope this helps, ~Gorgio
NopeNah Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 This is what I have decided to do, and I hope this will help others dealing with the same situation: 1. Change your thought process; you are qualifying her If you read my previous posts I am finally ready for a serious relationship and as of today she is just another candidate. It gets hard sometimes, but if you put some effort into it you can easily override your feelings and come up with rational answers. This changes the entire dynamic of the relationship and will make her chase you even more. 2. Stay in touch with other girls I am not seeing / dating other girls but as long as I am not confident that this is going to work out I am meeting other girls for lunch / coffee. No physical contact, just qualifying more candidates. 3. Go out with friends, engage in activities that do not involve her Continue living your life and make yourself a scarce resource; hobbies, friends, work etc. She is not #1 on your list until she has proven herself worthy. There is more advice but it is case specific. If you read my past posts you will understand why she left me; frankly, I can't blame her. So I have to be there for her and project honesty and seriousness. Hope this helps, ~Gorgio This is the approach I've also decided to implement with my ex. If we are going to only be dating each other...cool. I will still keep my new "female friends" around as just that,friends.. I'm not going to go back into this with my guard down however. She's going to have to show me that she has changed and can now comunicate her thoughts and feelings in an adult fashion. She knows/see's the changes I've made for myself. Guess I'll take mine slow and see what happens.
Angel1111 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I think break-ups cause a real rift that we don't usually notice until we try to re-connect. Especially when one or both parties get involved with someone else. It's like the magic snaps and disappears. I've so been there. The thing is, though, I do believe you can re-connect with that person but it doesn't happen by jumping back in bed together and expecting things to fall back into place. I think you need to stop sleeping together (if that's what you're doing) and re-establish your relationship on a brand new foundation. I think the problems start when we expect things to be the same - they aren't.
darknightie Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Isn't every new relationship, somewhat of a "rebound" from the previous? Even if this is more of a pseudo-new relationship, the same applies. Just something to think about. Also: I would ask her, if you havent already, to cut off ALL contact with this other fella. He obviously does not have the best interest in mind of either of you, and will only muddy the waters. He needs to be out of the picture, and if I were you I'd certainly lay that out for this woman. If she truly wants you and ONLY you, this will not be an issue at all for her to implement. Changing #'s, etc...sometimes sacrifices need to be made.
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