RogueAC Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I met someone fairly awesome over the weekend and have a first date tomorrow night -- casual drinks in the evening. I am so jaded about dating/relationships and my confidence is still pretty fragile these days. This man made an effort to get my phone number, called me Monday night (met on Saturday night) to set up date for mid-week. I want to feel super excited about this but feel a little intimidated/suspicious about this much interest so fast. I want to get all this "weirdness" out on LS before the date so I can just chill and get to know him.
kizik Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 His interest is a good thing. Just enjoy yourself and chill!
Thaddeus Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I want to feel super excited about this but feel a little intimidated/suspicious about this much interest so fast.So fast? You met Saturday, he called you Monday for a mid-week date. That's fast?
Shygirl15 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Just be yourself and relax. I'm sure everything will turn out well. And I agree with Thaddeus, I do not see anything fast about his approach. Refrain from overanalyzing things.
kizik Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I've just gotta say, and this is not a cheap shot to the OP - girls today are really confused, and confusing. If a guy shows interest, he's creepy. If he doesn't, he's a jerk. I think girls generally need to get over themselves and quit thinking of themselves as prizes to be won. We're people like you, but often you treat us like we're "lucky" if we catch you. It's often not worth the trouble...
butcher's hook Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Rogue I think it's good to get your weirdness out here. Smart move on your part! So then, let's think this one through. What exactly are you intimidated/ suspicious about? Would you care to get more specific here?
Author RogueAC Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Woah. People on the “dating” forum are so much quicker to respond than people “coping” forum (my other experiences on LS). Kizik, Thad, Shygirl – thanks for the thoughts about the interest not being too much. I guess I’ve just dated so many duds in past six months that I forget what it feels like to meet someone who I am interested in who is genuinely interested back. Butcher’s Hook – I have no idea why I am intimidated/suspicious. This dude is awesome and I guess my self-esteem is so shot that I feel suspicious of normal behavior (i.e. get my number, call me, ask me on a date). Keep in mind -- THIS IS ALL ME – my issues and my baggage -- that I am working on this stuff but I am seriously jaded.
Author RogueAC Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 girls today are really confused, and confusing. If a guy shows interest, he's creepy. If he doesn't, he's a jerk. I think girls generally need to get over themselves and quit thinking of themselves as prizes to be won. We're people like you, but often you treat us like we're "lucky" if we catch you. It's often not worth the trouble... Kizik -- Yes, women/girls can be confusing. Men can also be confusing. I don't think this guy is creepy for expressing interest, I'm just not used to it. Again, my issue. And yes, I am a "catch" but the right man is a "catch" for me too.
kizik Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 This might be an unpopular opinion, but I'm not sure you should be dating if you can't even reconcile the fact that a guy likes you w/o getting freaked out about it. I suggest some building of self-esteem before getting out there. Your hesitance about him speakes volumes about your own self-image, which can only be improved through solitary introspection.
butcher's hook Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Butcher’s Hook – I have no idea why I am intimidated/suspicious. This dude is awesome and I guess my self-esteem is so shot that I feel suspicious of normal behavior (i.e. get my number, call me, ask me on a date). Keep in mind -- THIS IS ALL ME – my issues and my baggage -- that I am working on this stuff but I am seriously jaded. Awesome you recognize this is mostly your issue not anything this poor guy has done, stay on that path and let go of some those negative ideas. Not all guys out there are creeps or out to get you. BUT no so fast, that does not mean you will not be in study mode for the next few weeks (months whatever you need) to see what this guy is really about. That's perfectly normal, we all do that and that is precisely what dating is for. If you want to know what his intentions are go slow, do not jump into bed with him soon and allow the emotional attachment that happens to us after we are intimate with a guy, to cloud your better judgment. In terms of his actions so far, believe it or not there are guys out there who just see what they like and they go for it. No games, no hang-ups no pressure. Consider your guy one of them, you owe him that much since he has done everything right so far.
Surfer Dude Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I've just gotta say, and this is not a cheap shot to the OP - girls today are really confused, and confusing. If a guy shows interest, he's creepy. If he doesn't, he's a jerk. I think girls generally need to get over themselves and quit thinking of themselves as prizes to be won. We're people like you, but often you treat us like we're "lucky" if we catch you. It's often not worth the trouble... That's why you need to have the prize mentality. When I approach women and ask for their number, I'm actually giving them an opportunity to get to know me better, to see if they're cool and to be a part of my life. My life is unique, exciting and cool. If she refuses, flakes or acts indecisive, well she can't be too smart and it's her loss really. I say "Pleasure meeting you" and cut her off completely. There's no rejection, just as a salesman doesn't feel rejected when you don't buy some product from him. It's just business. To the OP: Just relax. The guy is probably more scared than you are Hell, if he wasn't interested he wouldn't ask you out. Good luck.
Author RogueAC Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Thanks for the advice, Kizik, but at this point, for me, dating and putting myself out there is important. I have spent months self-reflecting and working on my self-image and the past year healing from a really traumatic break-up. This self work will not cease just because I am dating. I am posting on LS about this so that I can work through these feelings and just enjoy the date. Butcher's Hook, I can't tell you how many men I meet that are screwed up because of a previous relationship/rebounding/looking to get laid/angry/whatever. The whole thing is refreshing.
butcher's hook Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Butcher's Hook, I can't tell you how many men I meet that are screwed up because of a previous relationship/rebounding/looking to get laid/angry/whatever. The whole thing is refreshing. I TOTALLY hear you, I was in that same dating pool up until not that long ago. I met a lot of those for sure, then I met someone who restored all my faith in what I thought men were supposed to be like, I was starting to have my doubts but then again I was bringing a lot of my baggage into situations too so it was not just one sided. I think timing is really what it boils down to. Are you meeting them online perhaps? I have a friend who does online dating now and she meets nothing but rebound freaks. Yuck!!! That's enough to make the most innocent of person completely jaded.
Author RogueAC Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 When I approach women and ask for their number, I'm actually giving them an opportunity to get to know me better, to see if they're cool and to be a part of my life. Surfer Dude, thanks! I really like this line of thinking! Butcher's Hook, I've yet to try online dating. I usually meet men randomly, at events or through friends. I'm not looking for someone to "restore my faith" in men just someone who is intelligent, interesting, awesome, fun, etc. who is also interested in how intelligent, awesome, fun, cool, etc. I am. Not asking for much right? In the meantime, I am working on seeing myself as intelligent, awesome, fun cool, etc. My confidence has been a slow rebuild.
butcher's hook Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Butcher's Hook, I've yet to try online dating. I usually meet men randomly, at events or through friends. I'm not looking for someone to "restore my faith" in men just someone who is intelligent, interesting, awesome, fun, etc. who is also interested in how intelligent, awesome, fun, cool, etc. I am. Not asking for much right? Well whatever you want to call it, yes it is asking for a lot. That's why when you do find someone who acts a cut above the rest don't sabotage it with your own baggage. If you truly think you are all those things you just said about yourself then there is no reason why a man can't see that for himself. Right?
Author RogueAC Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 That's why when you do find someone who acts a cut above the rest don't sabotage it with your own baggage. Thanks butcher's hook and all for listening. Overall, I'm excited! Yay for a first date with someone cool!
Author RogueAC Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Update: last night went so super well. I forgot what being this excited about someone feels like! This was seriously one of the best dates I’ve been on in years. Woah. We have another date set this weekend. Oh my, yay! So, I guess I have a few questions for ya’ll:How do I stay positive about dating and not let my last relationships damage my perspective?How do I manage my expectations for dating someone new/etc?He is 8 months single from a year relationship; do you think he is rebounding?My last relationship did a number on me – through and through, am I really healed enough (i.e. am I rebounding)?Any advice or feedback will be helpful.
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