Author CaliGuy Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 im not saying she actually thinks her poop doesnt smell. im saying if shes narcissistic shes not gunna give you an inkling of it. not only that but she wouldnt bash you one day as though shes better than you then the next day come back and lower herself to your level to try and initiate contact. in a narcissists mind you are beneath them. and they are trying to prove they are better in every way they can. Well I don't know her so I can't say. I guess what he wanted to know was that if his response was appropriate. He said that it sorta looked like she was seeking him out but trying to act like she wasn't. I don't know if that's entirely accurate. He said he gave her one word answers. When she said "Hi, how are you?" He just said "fine" and that was it. He didn't ask how she was. I told him to stay away from her and that she is bad news.
edward-e Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 edward, is your knowledge of narcissism done through basic research or do you have a degree in psychology? i have a masters degree in nursing. ive dealt with tons of 51-50s being a firefighter/paramedic and my cousin has aggressive narcissism. where its more physical along the lines of darwinism and survival of the fittest. as for the OP id say just avoid her.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Can you tell me some tendencies of your cousin who is an aggressive narcissist? I don't doubt you know what you're talking about, I'm just interested in specific field examples. Is he aware he's a narcissist? Have you tried telling him? What's he do?
edward-e Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Can you tell me some tendencies of your cousin who is an aggressive narcissist? I don't doubt you know what you're talking about, I'm just interested in specific field examples. Is he aware he's a narcissist? Have you tried telling him? What's he do? well in his situation its multiple disorders. But he is the only one in our entire family who is african american and he grew up in the "ghetto" and his mom always took his welfare checks and just gave him the money and never took care of him since he was about 7 and she used to beat him all the time. so he was always made fun of and never really felt as though he fit in anywhere. he has done tons of things that i can think of but the most recent was about a month ago when she made something for dinner he didnt want and he made it clear to her that he would never eat SH*T like that. so he hit her in the head with a skateboard and the cops came and took him away. he was diagnosed with it by a psychologist who has a PhD. he knows he has it and has meds to try to reduce his physicality. the doctor believes he developed this disorder because since he was beat so much as a kid that he feels the way to prove youre better than other people is to impose your physical dominance over them, and he does quite often.
georgia girl Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 laRubiaBonita has it right! Next time she tries to talk to him, he needs to embarrass her. Hate to make someone feel small, but that's what she tried to do. That will also show her that he finds her funny - not attractive!
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Personally, I think his response was rude. In declining his invitation to get a bite to eat, she was essentially declining building/developing/maintaining a certain connection with him. Grabbing a bite to eat with you ex could easily be misconstrued as desiring 'something more.' While she definitely could have chosen different words, in saying, "Let's just keep this at hello," I think she simply meant to keep things friendly and cordial, but to decline any sort of "relationship" (even friendship) with him. Obviously, even in saying "Let's just keep this at hello," she had to have been warm and friendly towards him, otherwise the invitation wouldn't have been offered to begin with. Her response does not mean, however, that when they see each other he has to now turn COLD. If I see an ex, I am friendly and warm, but like this gal, I wouldn't have lunch/dinner with them. I would, however, expect them to be as friendly and warm to me as I am to them if I were to run into them at, say, the grocery store. That's not to say she was innocent - like I said, it was a poor choice of words. At best, they were both rude to each other. Two immature individuals don't fare well in a relationship, even a friendship. So it's best they stay apart anyway. He easily could have been the bigger person, but he lowered himself to the level he's complaining of.
lorilynne Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Def think she was the one being rude! Thoroughly enjoyed the comments on what he could/should have said...thanks for the laugh.
Author CaliGuy Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Personally, I think his response was rude. In declining his invitation to get a bite to eat, she was essentially declining building/developing/maintaining a certain connection with him. Grabbing a bite to eat with you ex could easily be misconstrued as desiring 'something more.' While she definitely could have chosen different words, in saying, "Let's just keep this at hello," I think she simply meant to keep things friendly and cordial, but to decline any sort of "relationship" (even friendship) with him. Obviously, even in saying "Let's just keep this at hello," she had to have been warm and friendly towards him, otherwise the invitation wouldn't have been offered to begin with. Her response does not mean, however, that when they see each other he has to now turn COLD. If I see an ex, I am friendly and warm, but like this gal, I wouldn't have lunch/dinner with them. I would, however, expect them to be as friendly and warm to me as I am to them if I were to run into them at, say, the grocery store. That's not to say she was innocent - like I said, it was a poor choice of words. At best, they were both rude to each other. Two immature individuals don't fare well in a relationship, even a friendship. So it's best they stay apart anyway. He easily could have been the bigger person, but he lowered himself to the level he's complaining of. I see what you mean, SG. I don't know her personally so I can't say what she was thinking but I think if I was in his position if she tried to talk to me in person I would have said "Let's just keep it to hello...", smiled and walked away. I'm a big believer if someone doesn't value you or your time, walk away. There are far too many people who will so why waste time on people who aren't good for you?
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I see what you mean, SG. I don't know her personally so I can't say what she was thinking but I think if I was in his position if she tried to talk to me in person I would have said "Let's just keep it to hello...", smiled and walked away. To say that, and then walk away, is petty. Why can't he (or you, in his shoes), take the HIGHER road and be warm and friendly, particularly towards someone you obviously like as a person (otherwise you wouldn't have extended the invitation)? Why carry on the negativity? Keep things light, airy, friendly... not cold. I'm a big believer if someone doesn't value you or your time, walk away. There are far too many people who will so why waste time on people who aren't good for you? I agree, but still consistent with the above. You can still be pleasant and friendly while taking the higher road.
Author CaliGuy Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 To say that, and then walk away, is petty. Why can't he (or you, in his shoes), take the HIGHER road and be warm and friendly, particularly towards someone you obviously like as a person (otherwise you wouldn't have extended the invitation)? Why carry on the negativity? Keep things light, airy, friendly... not cold. If I recall correctly, she's been cold to him in the past. I've also been a staunch proponent of exorcising people out of your life whom you are in love with but they are not reciprocating. This is "self-preservation" mode. He can't avoid seeing her, but he can avoid getting into conversations with her. I feel they are uncessary for him until he feels he is at the point of indifference towards her. I'm trying to get him to the point where he doesn't have those urges to talk to her about reconciliation. I agree, but still consistent with the above. You can still be pleasant and friendly while taking the higher road. Taking the high road here, while in most cases is preferred, I also don't think it's a good idea for him to be friendly with her for his own good. Regardless of the circumstances, I do believe it's impossible to be friends with someone you are romantically interested in.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Cali, just admit this is about you. It will save you with a lot of writing and mental gymnastics. Because let's be real. Who really GIVES this big a damn about a friends he said she said business? Honestly? This is FAR too trivial to spend so much energy on, unless of course, its about YOU.
Author CaliGuy Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Cali, just admit this is about you. It will save you with a lot of writing. I wish! LOL. I'd have told her to feck off
Author CaliGuy Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Cali, just admit this is about you. It will save you with a lot of writing and mental gymnastics. Because let's be real. Who really GIVES this big a damn about a friends he said she said business? Honestly? This is FAR too trivial to spend so much energy on, unless of course, its about YOU. Well my friends consider me the "go to" guy for relationship advice because I've been through the ringer, but a lot of what I tell them comes from LS. I could just tell him to come and post here though himself.
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