CaliGuy Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 My friend has this issue, wanted your thoughts: Someone you used to date frequents the same establishment you do. During the course of the conversation, you ask her if she wants to grab something to eat. She says: "Let's just keep it to 'hello'..." The next time you see her, she tries to spark up a conversation and you just keep it to 'hello'. You don't ignore her, you just don't seek to engage her in conversation. Now, I don't think this is rude, but some of his friends think he's being a jerk. I actually say good for him. He's keeping with her request. If she wanted to just be "pals" (which I never recommend with someone you still want to date) then she should have been more clear in her intentions. I told him he needs to do what makes him happy. Thoughts?
GorillaTheater Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 An easy question; he wasn't rude for exactly the reasons you state. Unless there was some context to her "request" that would reasonably lead a person to believe that she didn't mean for it to apply across the board. I imagine that not too much time passed between the two encounters, is that right?
kizik Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 If anything, the girl was rude. Who says that? "Let's just keep it at hello"? I'm like, girl, get over yourself.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 kizik beat me to it. Who seriously says that? Let's leave it at hello? I think she's lucky she even got a "hello" after that.....
laRubiaBonita Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 i would say she is lucky she got an initial hello..... she certainly sounds like someone your friend should bother wasting his breath on.
Author CaliGuy Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 See, that is what I told him. Any chick that would have the nerve to say something to someone like that deserves what she gets. If I told someone "Let's just keep it to hello" I'd fully expect them to blow me off. I simply told him "Dude you don't owe her jack...."
boogieboy Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Ugh...after she told me that, the next time she tried to engage me I would have said "Lets not and say we did..".
laRubiaBonita Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 exactly.... he was just being nice, and some people are just nice and cordial. i think he acted very upstanding.
Thaddeus Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 If anything, the girl was rude. Who says that? "Let's just keep it at hello"? I'm like, girl, get over yourself.My thoughts precisely. Sounds like she thinks she's all that and a bag of chips. There's a word for this: narcissism. All too common, unfortunately. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. They believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings.
laRubiaBonita Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 if she ever says more than hello back to him, tell him to say in a loud voice "i said i do not want your number, quit harrassing me!"
donnamaybe Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 If anything, the girl was rude. Who says that? "Let's just keep it at hello"? I'm like, girl, get over yourself. I agree! When I read the first scenario, I was all ready to say, "Hell, yeah, she was rude!" Then there was a part two. No, he wasn't rude, she was.
donnamaybe Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 if she ever says more than hello back to him, tell him to say in a loud voice "i said i do not want your number, quit harrassing me!" LMAO!!!! Good one!
2sure Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 The woman could just have said No Thank you. Her comment to his invitation was rude. Its nice that he has decided to "keep it to hello" as per her obnoxious request. Its so nice he hasn't replied: "I'd like to stop pretending I'm interested in hearing you speak."
Thomas X Forever Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Would've been epic if when she tried to talk to him again, he flat out told her to shut the hell up. I wouldn't go as far as to say she's narcissistic, because she may have just been being rude due to a bad day. Still, nonetheless, she doesn't deserve to be shown kindness, unless she apologized.
kizik Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I wouldn't go as far as to say she's narcissistic, because she may have just been being rude due to a bad day. OK, and that's a totally narcissistic trait: projecting your own misery onto the world. A sort of misdirected personal retribution: "If I'm not happy, I'm gonna make you unhappy."
GorillaTheater Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 The bitch wasn't rude, she was just keeping it real...she didn't want more than a passing hello at that time for whatever reason. However, she may have changed her mind by the time you saw her next. And dude you may have been stupid...the second time she tried to start up a conversation with you could have been a booty call in the making or some other opportunity you passed up! After all it was she who tried to start the conversation the second time...which could mean things have changed! Follow the link below and get some more game Player! <falls off chair laughing>
laRubiaBonita Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 <falls off chair laughing> <rolls on the floor laughing hysterically with GT>
kizik Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Dude it's just some troll trying to get traffic to his PUA site. Be gone, troll!
Author CaliGuy Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 The bitch wasn't rude, she was just keeping it real...she didn't want more than a passing hello at that time for whatever reason. However, she may have changed her mind by the time you saw her next. And dude you may have been stupid...the second time she tried to start up a conversation with you could have been a booty call in the making or some other opportunity you passed up! After all it was she who tried to start the conversation the second time...which could mean things have changed! Follow the link below and get some more game Player! Ice http://adviseonmenandwomen.blogspot.com/2009_06_14_archive.html As bitchy as she was being, if I were him, I would decline her booty call. She sounds like she is much more trouble than she is worth.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 OK, and that's a totally narcissistic trait: projecting your own misery onto the world. A sort of misdirected personal retribution: "If I'm not happy, I'm gonna make you unhappy." I would say it sounds much more along the lines of Conduct Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder than Narcissistic PD, but I see your viewpoint. Narcissism is a very very difficult thing to diagnose, as the traits that make it up, are rather common, as well as the symptoms of many other disorders. In my opinion it is the trickiest of ALL disorders to diagnose.
edward-e Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 OK, and that's a totally narcissistic trait: projecting your own misery onto the world. A sort of misdirected personal retribution: "If I'm not happy, I'm gonna make you unhappy." i dont think shes narcissistic. i think people toss that word around way too much. just because someone has confidence/arrogance doesnt make them narcissistic. narcissism is an extreme. and the fact that you said if im not happy im going to make you unhappy would counter any narcissism because narcissism is thinking youre prefect in everyway and being unhappy is far from perfect. if she is narcissistic it would more be along the lines of "im superior to you and can force my will upon you because you can do nothing but except it".
Author CaliGuy Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 i dont think shes narcissistic. i think people toss that word around way too much. just because someone has confidence/arrogance doesnt make them narcissistic. narcissism is an extreme. and the fact that you said if im not happy im going to make you unhappy would counter any narcissism because narcissism is thinking youre prefect in everyway and being unhappy is far from perfect. if she is narcissistic it would more be along the lines of "im superior to you and can force my will upon you because you can do nothing but except it". From his description, she doesn't think her poop smells...
edward-e Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 From his description, she doesn't think her poop smells... im not saying she actually thinks her poop doesnt smell. im saying if shes narcissistic shes not gunna give you an inkling of it. not only that but she wouldnt bash you one day as though shes better than you then the next day come back and lower herself to your level to try and initiate contact. in a narcissists mind you are beneath them. and they are trying to prove they are better in every way they can.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 edward, is your knowledge of narcissism done through basic research or do you have a degree in psychology?
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