jojojones Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Please excuse me if I get some stuff wrong, am new to this whole "forum" thing... I'm a 38 year old divorced woman. It was a messy and emotional divorce some 5 years ago now. I'm certainly over him. For the last 6 months I have been dating a wonderful man, same age, who is a widower. He was married for 7 years and has been on his own now for 3 years. We really clicked as he was still coming to terms with his loss, and I found myself not that enthusiastic about a new relationship after all the rubbish I dealt with in my past marriage. We met through a mutual friend and soon found we enjoyed each others company and we liked the same things. We have great chats that last into the small hours. We travel lots, weekends away and longer. He makes my tummy flip wjen I think about him. We've just come back from Mexico and had a superb time. I felt and feel very close to him and it seemed/seems like we might actually be getting to that proper commitment point. Now, here's the problem. On the last night of the vacation we were in what I thought was a dream-world full of love and fun. A couple of bottles of wine later he says he has to share something with me. Of course I was happy for him to do so and happy that this "thing" he needed to share was something he could trust me with. Poor guy, he was shaking while trying to spit out the problem. In fact I say "problem" but I am not sure it is a "problem" which is why I am on here I guess. I thought about friends and discussing it there but I do not want to abuse his trust in me. Basically he says he wants/needs me to spank him. In his previous marriage his wife would paddle his butt with a wooden paddle if she felt he needed focusing or discipline for bad behaviour. I know, I know, it sounds wierd! He's a business owner and a highly creative and motivated guy in that way. But he loses focus... he says he can ignore work for too long to persue hobbies etc (true, I have seen this). He also is a PIG to argue with. Very very stubborn. He was bullied a lot at school and tends to fight hard and dirty, and it can be shocking. Apparently this is one of the behaviours that he needs/wants spanking for. I'm not sure of I can or should do this for him. I mean, I have played the "dominatrix" in the bedroom for fun...you know the boots and all. But I don't know how I feel about actually spanking him for discipline. My first reaction was "no way" with a good helping of laughter. But it was so obvious he was sincere. He said he'd agonised over it for ages before telling me. He worried he'll miss it too much if he commits to a relationship and this spanking thing isn't there. After some thought it crossed my mind how useful it could have been in my past marriage if I'd been able to arrest "bad behaviour" and give my ex a good whoppin' on his bare butt! LOL! I guess I don't have an actual question really, I just want to know what people think? Should I give it a go? I am flattered he loves and trusts me as far as to ask for this. Also I was concerned that he wouldn't seem "manly" enough to me anymore if I took on the role of lover and disciplinarian to him. He says it makes him more of a man for facing up to his indiscretions/bad behaviour and wanting to address it and become a better guy through it. I just don't know...
TheIrishKid Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 First of all, you really should feel honored he felt comfortable enough to tell you about it. As far as the spanking goes, yeah, it's a little unorthodox but we all have our little quirks, I suppose. If you don't feel too uncomfortable, give it a shot with him. If it doesn't work out at the very least you can say you exhausted all options to make the relationship work.
Author jojojones Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 First of all, you really should feel honored he felt comfortable enough to tell you about it. Wow that was quick, thank you IrishKid. It's exactly for that reason I am even considering it. Everything else is great and I am excited that without pressure we seem to have grown together so nicely. I just fall down as soon as I start thinking about actually spanking him. I guess I could do it. I know I wish I'd given my ex a good beating on more than a few occassions! I guess I just want to here that others have done it, would do it, are doing it and it worls out... apart from his ex-wife of course.
TheIrishKid Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 No problem, jojojones. To be honest, if my girlfriend asked me to spank her when she was bad, I'd have reacted the exact same way as you. I think I'd handle it by trying it for awhile and seeing how you feel about it. If it still bothers you after a reasonable amount of time, tell him how you feel and see if the two of you can work out some kind of compromise. Like I said before, I think we all have our quirks, and I think it means you're in a healthy relationship if you're willing to let them show. For instance, I'm a heavy sleeper. I'm so paranoid about oversleeping for work or school that I'll spend five to ten minutes or so going over my alarm clock to make sure it's right even though I know it is. Also, I have this weird thing about showers: if it isn't my shower, I have to stand on a washcloth so my feet don't touch the ground. My girlfriend laughed at me and told me I was weird, then proceeded to tell me little quirks that she has. While some things are a bit more out there than others, at the very least be happy he felt comfortable enough to confide in you.
WhyYesThankYou Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 People are into different things... a lot of these paraphilias are not things people choose to have, they're just there. Your guy has a relatively tame, commonplace desire. I say if you're not opposed to it, give it a try; if it doesn't work for you, makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, then you know and you can make some decisions. But it's cool that he felt close enough to you to be able to discuss it and bring it up with you... rather than what some people do, which is stay "vanilla" in their relationships out of fear, and then have secretive affairs or visit sex workers to satisfy their fetishes. And hey, a little bit of spanking is a heck of a lot more "normal" than this: http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/2606247/Police-seek-man-with-fetish-for-exercise-balls
Author jojojones Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 I do, I do, I do. There's just something bothering me about it. Maybe it's coz it's so "out there" in soooo many ways. Wierdly it's also very understandable on another level, too. The problem really arises in that he confided because we're now talking about that BIG step of living together with a view to marrying. We've used the "love" word lots and over time and it feels great. I didn't think I would want to expose myself after my horrible marriage, but I do/did. It seems to be his proposition that if I do not or cannot provide this "service" for him then he'll be unhappy. He's onbviously not had a woman/partner to spank him since his wofe died. I asked about that. He says his wife's friend from college helped him out. He was pretty sure she knew that his wife spanked him, was having problems with drinking (due to grief) and broke down and asked for her help. She did know his wofe's view on swatting his butt and "helped him out". He said it was very humiliating, and she whopped him good (bare butt too) but that it had worked for him. I have never met this "friend" but she now teaches in Japan and is getting married so I fel no threat. Again, it's "different" though and I don't know how I feel. Maybe I should just swat him once or twoce and see how I feel? Problem is that he hasn't done anything "wrong" so there's no reason to! Oh, it's a pickle!
Author jojojones Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 LOL! Lordy...sexual appetite for inflatable exercise balls! KO, it's not as bad as that I guess. I'm trying to hang-on to the part that about arresting negative behaviour or thoughtlessness and encourages self improvement. He says it's not a sexual thing for him. We've kinda played domination games... tie him up, be a little severe and demanding towards him during "adult time" that kinda thing and he did enjoy it. Says this is different though. The two are seperate. And true, he likes the nurse lingerie I have and doesn't want a "medical" from me every Saturday night! LOL! I think the problem for me is knowing what to do if the occassion arises. If I think back to our biggest arguement he was pretty bratty and infuriatingly stubborn. If I coulda said "Right D**ny! Thats enought, get into the bedroom, drop those pants and bend over that bed!" then perhaps we wouldn't have had a spoiled weekend! Hummmm aspects are growing on me!
Recommended Posts