Raphownsyou Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 hey guys, well i have been feeling weird the past couple of days.. i have known this guy for a year now, he was my best friend completely non-sexual or anything, just my friend who i loved deeply. we would spend like 4 days a week together, it was lovely. we eventually slept together once, and nothing came of it, i think it could have if he wanted, but thats beyond the point (i think?) anyways, i found myself without a job early this year, and moved in with him as a friend, we shared a bed and the house with his other flatmate. eventually we slept together again, there was a big sexual desire there, and it sort of continued. we kept that going and one day we discussed that we would commit to one another that we wouldn't sleep with anyone else, as i was starting to feel a bit insecure that he would do it with someone else. at first it was really easy, then i began feeling a bit pressured by him as he seemed to really like me, so i spoke to him and eventually it all balanced out and i grew to love him very much. the love was great, beautiful. the first 2 months we lived together were amazing, but the last before i got a new job, was pretty bad. because of the lack of space, and freedom, and also like typical house things to do with cleaning and blah blah blah. during this time we fought a lot and it all got a bit weird. when i moved out, it was nice for like 4 days, then we got into this massive thing and he decided to break up with me, i felt really f**ked. it was very weird because he means a lot to me as a human being, not only as a boyfriend... things just went up and down from then, as i felt very insecure that i was just reading too much into him and everything.. it was a really low point in my life, with me crying all the time, a lot of pain. recently i went away to visit my family back in canada, i live in england by the way, and when i got back we spent a nice night together as friends, got drunk and stuff, it was nice, we hadnt seen eachother in 3 weeks until then. a couple of days later, we spent a nice saturday together, it was weird because i was always touching him sort of subconciously but he wouldnt reciprocate so it sort of hurt you know? but that next day, after spending the night, non sexually, we had sex in the morning in a really nice way, and spent the day together making mexican food, it was soo lovely. something had changed back. anyways, he has really turned a curve, both of us have, we have both seen our relationship as so important that we are both just doing what is best for it, while at ALL times being ourselves. it was lovely. well here is the weird bit...this past weekend, we went to a festival together with some of his friends, it was nice, he was so proud of me, holding my hand, kissing me, looking me in the eyes.... but i felt really down for some reason.... i think i am feeling pressured!!!! its been so long that i have been the one doing all the things he is doing, so it is so weird that the roles reversed so quickly! and i HATE myself for feeling pressured, and depressed about it even, because i cant even make eye contact with him now without feeling embarassed, i just feel like he will be able to see my insecurities in my eyes... and when i kiss him i dont feel anything!! i think he may just be giving me too much too soon. but i dont want to tell him that because this is what i have always wanted from him! so much love. has anyone ever experienced this? what can i do so i just appreciate what is going on? is there a way of talking to him without pushing him away? anything will help!!
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Sounds to me like you THINK you know what you want, but as soon as you get it, it's not like you imagined. As far as things getting "weird" from living together (house chores and whatnot), welcome to life after the honeymoon. The magic will always wear off and life will eventually set in. It can't always be rainbows and kittens. You have to make the effort at that point on a daily basis to make the other person feel special. IMO, I don't think you two are good for each other. You may THINK it's what you want, but I see heartbreak coming to both of you. How old are each of you? You sound young in your post, that's the only reason I ask. The reason it matters is I don't think you're quite old enough to know for sure who you are and what you really want. It might be better to just be single and discover yourself and get strong within yourself before looking to someone else to fill the gap.
Author Raphownsyou Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Well i am quite young, but believe me i have been through a lot, most of my friends are at least 7 years older than me. Well how can you say "you should be single" if thats the problem, i dont want to be single, that isnt how i can see me being happy right now i have been content in being single before, and i KNEW that was what i wanted, so..? Also, about living together, i understand those things. I dont live with him anymore.
redant Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 You can appreciate what you have. It's what you have wanted. Yes it's strange and different but if you can appreciate him don't take it for granted because it could go away easily. You don't have to talk to him about it unless you are wanting to break up. Try to see if you want to continue a relationship with him before you mention anything about not "feeling" anything. You may start feeling something. Decide on what you want.
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