TDS45 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Okay, first, I never really had a boyfriend before, because I was never really interested in it. Growing up is complicated enough without having to deal with relationship troubles. So the guys that did ask me out, I gently turned down by effectively getting them together with my friends (this has happened three times). I'm not sure why though. It was either that I didn't feel like I 'liked' them, or I was just too nervous about getting into a relationship, which makes me think I have some sort of a problem with these kinds of things, haha. Currently, there's this guy that likes me (I showed interest in him at first, but now it's faded). And he asked me out, but I'm sort of postponing it for a while (partially because I'm really busy lately). And he's nice, and we're interested in the same things, like filmmaking and theatre and stuff. But the problem is, I don't think he's really that funny, or at all funny. But he laughs at things I say, which is nice. I always like making people laugh, but I also really enjoy laughing myself. I hadn't really thought about it for a relationship, but making me laugh is probably at or near the top of my list. And I actually get kind of bored talking to him. So, does this sound like a relationship that would last? Should I go for it? I'd appreciate any feedback. Thanks!
Trimmer Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Well, you've mentioned some things that might be important to you that aredefinitely lacking. Are there other things that are important to you that are working? You sound pretty ambivalent. Your interest has faded. He bores you. You don't find him funny, and that's important to you. So other than that he's 'nice' - what does he have in the "Pro" column, because it sounds like you already have a good start on the 'cons'... From what you describe, I can't help asking: why would you?
carhill Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Tell me about a guy you know whom you think is funny.
Author TDS45 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Well, you've mentioned some things that might be important to you that aredefinitely lacking. Are there other things that are important to you that are working? You sound pretty ambivalent. Your interest has faded. He bores you. You don't find him funny, and that's important to you. So other than that he's 'nice' - what does he have in the "Pro" column, because it sounds like you already have a good start on the 'cons'... From what you describe, I can't help asking: why would you? Hm, he's nice, friendly (though I think he's smiles a little too much, not that I don't like smiling, but it's like always plastered on his face, but it's a sincere smile), he's into filmmaking, animals. And I'm not really sure about much else. The reason why I possibly would is because my friends (especially one) say to go for it and see what happens. But I feel like I already know whether I'd have feelings for him by now if I did. I've spent some time with him already from a musical we were in, and we're going to be in another one now. Do you think there's a chance that my feelings would grow for him if we went on a real date? Carhill: A guy who I actually know? (I'd rather do it on Matthew Gray Gubler, but I don't actually know him, haha.) Well, I have friends who are funny, they'll say witty remarks, and stupid or dirty jokes, do silly things, haha.
carhill Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I'm looking for insight into your psychology. By describing the type of man you find funny, yet are not attracted to, I can understand you better. So far, I'm getting the sense that a man you do not find funny will never be attractive to you. That's sounds pretty 'normal', but I'm sure you've met plenty of guys who are funny but still unattractive. Enlighten me
Author TDS45 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Hm, I'm not exactly sure. Thinking back on it, I think many, if not most, guys that I've liked, have been funny. I've only had a few real crushes in the last four years (in high school), and I found them all funny. And I think I also usually have a slight attraction to any guy I find funny. The only ways that I would be unattracted to them would be because they had too big of an ego, seemed less intelligent than I would have preferred; and for physical appearances, that they were shorter than me (I'm very self-conscious as it is, so someone shorter than me would make me even more self-conscious). I can't pinpoint much other reasons why I wouldn't like them. Possibly lack of similar interests. But considering I never went into a relationship with them, I don't know if those would really matter to me in the long run.
carhill Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 OK, now tell me about a guy you were attracted to, but nothing came of it. I'll assume he was funny, but what else was there? For me, generally, and irrespective of physical appearance, a woman who has open body language, a light way about her (not constantly serious), and feminine mannerisms and can engage me visually and aurally has the makings of an attractive partner. The remainder is compatibility. The important thing to realize is that everyone is different and your parameters are uniquely yours. It's really important to know yourself and to recognize why you are attracted because, as I've found out, there are unhealthy impetuses for attraction as well. BTW, you're going to meet a lot of men in your life who will 'like' you (that's code for wanting to get into your pants) so becoming discerning but still available to an appropriate and desirable partner is part of your work. Don't be afraid to try. We all make mistakes. You'll stop making them when you're dead. Enjoy the journey
Author TDS45 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 I think nothing came from previous interests because either they were already taken or just not interested in me (on one occasion, I think I had the chance, but I didn't realize it until it was too late). I didn't really know them that well aside from that they were funny and were musically inclined in some way, and that discussions with them were usually interesting (and they were taller than me). Wow, thinking about these things, I've become sort of enlightened. I've always loved humor, but I didn't realize that this was a main aspect to my romantic interests. Okay, well, generally, probably somebody who likes to have fun and be silly, but can still get serious when necessary; isn't shallow when it comes to looks (at least likes me even with my flaws); is of reasonable intelligence (preferrably smarter than me); is confident; has decent manners and respect for people (especially me); is optimistic (for when I can be so pessimistic); can continue an interesting conversation, or who I'd feel comfortable with to just sit in silence; and then compatibility. And thank you so far for your comments. You've really been helpful and informative to me so far. =)
Author TDS45 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Also, I just got advice from someone, saying that if I don't want him just because of humor while he's still nice, decent, and caring, I 'might lose a pearl in life for sure.' I wouldn't want to lose a good guy that I actually have a chance with, but I can't help but remember how he just sort of bores me... And I know that sometimes that happens in relationships, and it sort of just becomes normal. But I was wondering if that shouldn't come later, after the 'spark' fades.
Scarlett513 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 He might be a fantastic guy, but that doesn't mean that you are compatible with him. If a compatible sense of humor is important to you, then he probably isn't the guy for you. Don't settle!!
Author TDS45 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Yeah, I guess I feel like I would be settling if I did. But do you think maybe he's funnier than he's let on so far? On one hand, I think maybe he might have just been a little nervous, but I remember before he knew I was interested in him, he was pretty natural (and still seems about the same as then). And I sort of lost interest after a while. But I'd feel bad (and probably regretful) if he turned out to be more interesting. But I've known him for a little over a month. Would I have been able to tell by now or not?
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