blueyedchika Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I have been dating my bf for 2 1/2 years. He is much older than I am and we both have 2 kids from previous relationships. He has lived with his sister and 8 year old daughter for the last 5 years after overcoming a drug addiction. I have been divorced for over 3 years and live with my two boys 3 & 6. He owns a newer home that his mother lived in for about 3 years before she recently passed away this February. This house remains vacant bc he isnt ready to move in there yet. His sister has lost her mind since the passing of their mother & been absolutely unbearable to be around. They are a large close family & spend every weekend together and talk several times a day on the phone. His sister has basically taken the position of "wife & mother" and is married herself. Over the weekend she got drunk & totally started badmouthing my bf & I defended him bc he wasnt around. She does this alot to everyone but I have a backbone of stone & dont know how to keep my mouth shut so I did not say anything untrue or that I havent already spoke to my bf about privately. However the next day she called a "family meeting" and twisted everything I said around to make me look really bad & was completely rude to me the entire time. My bf didnt take up for me at all & has continuously defended her. I do not want to take him away from his family or anything but I did expect some sort of support from him. We have always told each other that we truely feel we are soulmates but I dont know how much of this I can take. I am ready for her to let go of her control of his life and allow us to start of lives together. wow......that was long, but trust me the situation gets much more complicated (his 17 yr old daughter & her mother spent the weekend at his house and was there too) way longer!!!!! Basically I dont know if I should throw in the towel on this relationship. I dont ever want to come in between him & his family but I am ready to be his partner for for life and he says he is too but his actions do not make me feel secure in this relationship. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 You know, I'm not much of a bible-thumper (agnostic), but I really do believe in the scripture about leaving one's mother and father and clinging to one's spouse. Not in a dependent way, but more that it's important to make one another a priority. He didn't have to start a fight with his sister, but he could have simply said that she didn't need to talk that way about his partner and if she had a problem, she could address it with him in private. What she did was downright disrespectful. If he's allowing this NOW, you are going to be battling this for the rest of your lives together. Is that really what you want? I sure wouldn't. It sounds exhausting. I have a good friend that got married to a man whose family disliked her. It was constant battling and battling and battling. They'd make up rumors and lies about her and a good majority of the time, he would side with his family. Their marriage ended up falling apart. I mean, gees - if there's no solidarity NOW, how do you expect anything to change if you two were to get married? The guy has a great deal of loyalty....to his family. If you don't want to play second fiddle to them for the rest of your life, then yes - it's time to go. Find somebody that can be devoted to YOU. Being devoted to one's SO doesn't mean leaving the family behind. But there is such a thing as having healthy relationships and his with his sister does not sound like one.
Recommended Posts