smookie Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I broke up with my ex 1.5 months ago due to sudden fighting all the time and him saying he was always going to leave. I ended it moved to a different city as a job transfer. I texted him about 2 weeks ago with some nice pictures then I had called him only for the fighting to start all over again. I then hung up and started to do the NC again. This last weekend I was recieving texts from my friend saying that he was in the bar that he swore off 5 years ago but he also knows I use to go to as well a band that I love was playing there that night. She also staed that he was dressed like a bum, The next night same thing all over again dressed in the same cloths. He only stays there for maybe a hour and then he leaves. He also makes it very clear that he will never come back to me and that if I want him to I might just as well forget it. I do not want to be with him at all. He is a nice guy and I would love to be his friend but I would never consider being with him again as I do not love him anymore. So he is saying we'll never be back together and threw the keys at me in a public place , now it kinda seems like he is searching for me. I know he deleted my text messages so he will not have my number to call. next weekend I was planning on going to the bar until I heard this.. What should I do? I really do not want to be around him but now it means I have to cut out my nights of fun when I return.
Exit Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 How can you end up at the same bar if your job transfer took you to a different city? Your post was a bit confusing.
t0ri Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I do not want to be with him at all. He is a nice guy and I would love to be his friend but I would never consider being with him again as I do not love him anymore. How long did you guys date, and why do you not love him anymore? Did you stop loving him while you were dating, or in the 1.5 months you've been broken up? Just curious... Anyway, if he doesn't want to be with you, and you don't want to be with him, then who cares what he's doing. Do what you want to do. You say you want to be friends with him, but don't want to be around him? If you don't want to be around him, then don't go where you know he goes unless you think you two will avoid each other. It doesn't sound like he wants to be friends with you, as you do with him. At least not right now. Leave him alone so he has time to heal before jumping into a friendship with possible unresolved feelings.
smookie Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I only moved a few hours out of the city. Thats why thwy are planned trips I dated him for over a year, I stopped loving him while we were together due to the way that he started talking to me and putting me down. I say that I do not want to be around him because of his attitude, He thinks I want to be with him, I really do not want to. Where I live I really do not know anyone, So I make plans to go to the city, This last weekend knowing that he was at the bar kinda got me thinking what will happen if I do see him. Will he start to call me down? Will he start calling me nasty names and yes he did this may long weekend when we were all out on a camping trip with our friends. He can be very nice but then again I started to see the nasty side of him recently. I guess I am worried about his reaction if he see's me there, I do not want to feel afraid to do things with my friends cuz he will cause a scene, He use to be a caring guy and very loving. I figure that if we can not be together in a romantic way then why not be friends?
smookie Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Oh Ya, Sorry I forgot to say thats why I went NC. He is stubbron and he does not stop until he gets his way.. I know he will hound me if he is there so I guess I should stay home and not go. Bummer
boogieboy Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 You cant be friends with a guy that you broke his heart. Its selfish and its not necessary. If he sees you he is only reminded of why he feels like shyte right now. You should not be able to clear your guilt for doing this to him, regardless what the reasons are. So leave him alone. He doesnt want to be friends with you, leave him alone!
smookie Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Have you ever heard of "be carefull for what you wish for"? Like really it is ok that he comes home and every Sunday he can tell me that he is leaving me, He can sit there and call me a C^%T and a F$%^&ing $@%ch in front of my friends. And I have to feel bad for leaving him? I have to understand that he is hurting what about how I have been hurt? What about my kids that heard him say this to me? And really if he was not trying to contact me then there is no way that he would be going to the only bar that I go to in a big city.. And if he did he sure the heck would not be wearing jean shorts and a tshirt. Not to this bar. I will leave him alone due to the fact that he will never change. Saying things to me then regreting it after, Thanks guys
boogieboy Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Have you ever heard of "be carefull for what you wish for"? Like really it is ok that he comes home and every Sunday he can tell me that he is leaving me, He can sit there and call me a C^%T and a F$%^&ing $@%ch in front of my friends. And I have to feel bad for leaving him? I have to understand that he is hurting what about how I have been hurt? What about my kids that heard him say this to me? All that should be enough for you to not want to be friends with him. Why would you want to be friends with someone who treated you like that?
smookie Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Only because if I am not with him I have the choice when to contact him if I wanted to. I would not have to put up with it on a full time basis. He is a good guy he just suddenly turned and it was enough for me to walk away. I know I hurt him, I know in the end I did the worse thing ever. I felt that was the only way that it could end anything romanticaly with him. When I say friends I do not mean call him all the time hey lets hang out or lets go do something, I mean being friends is if we see eachother then we can be nice to eachother instaed of nasty. Like this coming up weekend I know that I really want to go however I feel that he is going to verbally attack me infront of everyone and then it will start alot of bad vibes with everyone. I only asked what to do and gave a breif background to what had happened so that there was some insite to my problem. I did not expect for me to be told that I am wrong. If I go this weekend and see him I would wish that he would not talk to me however I dought that will happen. He will do things and say things to hurt me and bother me this last weekend told me that he is out looking for me..... He can not believe that this weak girl (me) really moved and left him. He can nto believe that I took a stand and ment what I said. I know I ramballed on about this but I feel like I am losing all of my friends or awhile just to get the point to him that I mean what I say....
boogieboy Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Only because if I am not with him I have the choice when to contact him if I wanted to. I would not have to put up with it on a full time basis. He is a good guy he just suddenly turned and it was enough for me to walk away. I know I hurt him, I know in the end I did the worse thing ever. I felt that was the only way that it could end anything romanticaly with him. When I say friends I do not mean call him all the time hey lets hang out or lets go do something, I mean being friends is if we see eachother then we can be nice to eachother instaed of nasty. Like this coming up weekend I know that I really want to go however I feel that he is going to verbally attack me infront of everyone and then it will start alot of bad vibes with everyone. I only asked what to do and gave a breif background to what had happened so that there was some insite to my problem. I did not expect for me to be told that I am wrong. If I go this weekend and see him I would wish that he would not talk to me however I dought that will happen. He will do things and say things to hurt me and bother me this last weekend told me that he is out looking for me..... He can not believe that this weak girl (me) really moved and left him. He can nto believe that I took a stand and ment what I said. I know I ramballed on about this but I feel like I am losing all of my friends or awhile just to get the point to him that I mean what I say.... Aight it sounds like you dont want to be "friends", that would be wrong, but you just want to be cordial. Well according to him its too soon for that. I say give it a rest and find someplace else to hang out for the time being. Maybe you'll make new friends. of you can just go to the bar after he leaves. Hes too angry at you now, Thats why hes doing this...to answer your question. He shouldnt be if he really treated you like that, but hes hurt, you cant do anything about it now.
smookie Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 After reading it a few times I got it. He is going there looking to start a arrgument with me to make himself feel better... OK so no I will not be going there, I can go into the city and just meet my friends later in the night. Thank you thats what I was looking for
smookie Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 It did take me off gaurd when I was recieving the texts that he was there. But it happened and I am glad that I knew about it so I can change my plans because I left him due to the fighting why wuold I want to show up if I feel there is a fight that will happen. not worth my time anymore or energy. Thanks Guys!
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