schmopio Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 My ex broke up with me because he wanted to pursue sexual endeavors - we were both very much in love and it was a shock because he told me about 2 weeks before that he never wanted to leave me and i had just met his parents. He was 24 and only had sex with me and one other girl and said he felt like a "loser" because of it. I Nc'd for 5 months - then we got back in contact and ending up having an amazing vacation together. He asked then me to move in with him.. I said that it sounded like a wonderful idea but because of the break up I think we should move slower and build up some trust back before that happened. We continued to sleep with one another we had a few talk whether or not this was the right thing to do..but overall we 3 or 4 spent nights together and he said he was not sleeping with others and often gave me gifts and love letters..so i incorrectly assumed we were in a relationship working towards moving intogether some day.. But one day i find a hickey on his neck..so i did the worst and went through his email...and found he was pursueing 3 other girls in real life including internet sites..and has slept with some. I was so ****ing pissed and shocked. I had vowed to myself to keep myself calm and not bug out and handle the situation gently..I had a talk with him - I never mentioned that I looked through his emails but I asked him what other women he was seeing - He was honest and told me all of it.. he said that he wasnt fulfilled sexually by me even though i am the best sex he ever had and best friend ( i didnt believe this because we are very comfortable with eachother and we have done new things the most times together and before me he had an erectlie dysfunction problem that we got over together with alot of trust and patience) He thinks he wasnt in the wrong because we not officially back together. Any way since then he basically coundnt stand giving up our closeness (which he labeled bestfreindship) I messed up and starting letting him in - talking to me everyday - he bought me great birthday presents and more presents when he was away. He ended up sleeping together of course - himm holding me after loking into my eyes and all that bull****. He told me it meant nothing and that he never wants to date me again. He told me he is was seeing a girl that just moved here. (who is disgusting by the way) he even has the nerve to compare her to me outloud. "you and I were better because..she and i arent good.." The problem is he still wants to be my friend and wants me to accept him seeing other people. but he has no integrity...we hang out at many of the same spots.. one weekend i thought he was away (fbook status) he texted me about a new place we both wanted to check out. I was there with a friend.I said it was great. He told me is coming here with this new girl -one he slept with while we were sleeping together... WTF? why would he do this? He doesnt understand now why i am not contacting him at all... He is such a jerk and inspite of I am so jealous - he has a new party life with tons of friends and excting things..meanwhile i am alone - all of my friends are settling down - i have been on many dates and even slept with people - but i just cant letgo. I feel like on top of it i cant even have the fun I want to have because all the thing i love to do about this city - i cant do he will be there with other girls being shady about our friendships i dont know how to handle these emotions - i am almost thinking about moving! It make me feel like a loser because i still care. why cant i accept that he doesnt love me anymore? why cant his action lead up to his words - if he doenst want me then why talk to me all day and take me on dates and sleep with me. Its so messed up.
Exit Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Face it, he only keeps you around and buys you gifts because you are the best sex he's ever had. The reason you feel the "relationship" should be going somewhere but he wants to halt it at "bestfriendship" is so he can continue banging other girls guilt free. This is the entire purpose of his arrangement. You were silly to sleep with him before ever making it official that you were back together. He wants to keep getting in your pants without having to remain exclusive to you. Have some respect for yourself and stop letting him in. As far as avoiding him in public places, you'll just have to do your best. I highly doubt you actually have to pick up and move, just figure out a way to meet new friends in your area.
Author schmopio Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 he told me after the last time he never wants to have sex with me again because it only ruins our "friendship." he wants to remain friends and has no care if he brings other girls around me. I need help moving on. Acceptance of this nc or not..
t0ri Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 He's so heartless towards you because you put up with it. Cut this jerk off! Stick with NC for your sake! Show him and yourself that you have much more dignity and respect to let anything like what has happened, happen again! He talks to you, and takes you on dates, and sleeps with you for his own selfish reasons - to keep you strung along! He's trying to have his cake and eat it too. Shove that damn cake in his face and cut him off! Save yourself further pain, he's already shown his true colors. If you can't possibly avoid him in public, at least ignore him if you do run into him. You're not a loser because you still care. He's the loser for not showing you an ounce of respect. You'll be able to eventually let go of him when you're not in contact. Good luck hun! You deserve better.
t0ri Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 he told me after the last time he never wants to have sex with me again because it only ruins our "friendship." he wants to remain friends and has no care if he brings other girls around me. I need help moving on. Acceptance of this nc or not.. Tell him there will be no "friendship," or contact, at least not now. Acceptance will come. You're going to go through a cycle of feelings, and you'll eventually accept that it's over and you're better off. But really go absolutely NC so that acceptance will be allowed to follow.
Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 he wants you there as security, you were always there in the past so while on one hand he wants to play the field he also wants, and expects u- old reliable- to hang around also and if he gets bored of his new lifestyle he can come back. how selfish, you are better than this.. No contact, now. i can relate to what u have said about his new life, new friends etc. i'm in a similar position- now i'm 23 alot of my friends are bored of partying and are settling down with boyfriends yet my ex who is 24 has new friends and a great social life because all his friends are immature idiots who act like h*rny 16 year olds. we are both better off away from that i know it will be hard but u just have to cut him out completely and try to take up new hobbies in your area or try different spots, it's prob best you avoid him all-together and that includes bumping into him when u are out and i doubt u want his new seedy ways shoved in your face. my ex also broke up with me to go and 'explore' other women and generally get drunk and sleep around- guess he felt tied down with me as we were first loves and had been together since we were 17.. it actually makes me physically sick to think of what he is doing now and who he is doing it with, i thought i knew him. that is why we are both better off going complete NC. ur better than this
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