hendersongirl Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Ok, some of you may remember my previous posts about my jealousy. If you can be bothered, look them up, but they were a while ago. Basically - my bf did a few dodgy things 1) kiss another girl 2) chat naked on webcam with ex-gf 3) continued to contact both girls Now, he is absolutely not in contact with either of them. I know, because unbeknownst to him I have access to his email and facebook, the only ways he communicates and communicated with them in the past. However, I have become so ridiculously jealous and jumpy. I check religiously his email and facebook - its like a ritual I do about 3 times a day - check my email, check his, check my facebook, check his. He is still in contact with two other exes - one from aaaages ago, and the other he was engaged to. He is just friends with them and they are both married now and both in overseas countries. They never say anything inappropriate and even discuss me and one looked up my facebook page and told him she was happy for him because I looked really nice. My heart still sinks every time I see he has messaged them. I get really upset and have to calm myself down before I see him again because I dont want him to know I check up on him. And it isnt anything wrong, really. I'm sure you'll tell me to stop checking up on him. Unfortunately, that isnt an option for me at the moment. I go a day or two without doing it and I am worried sick he has done something. Bear in mind he has done so NUMEROUS times. He is a little over-flirty with women, but that's just his charming style. He loves me, very much, and wants to get married. I love him too, I just work myself up so much.. Oh, and number 2 issue... When we had some major problems a few weeks ago and i stayed at a friends house for two nights, he was sobbing and really genuinely upset, and one comment stuck in my mind: "After *** [ex-fiancee] left, I thought I would never be happy again, never feel I wanted to spend my life with someone again. And I didnt, until you came along" they broke up in 2000. So, he claims, he was miserable and loveless until me. I KNOW he means it as the biggest compliment, but all I heard was 'you are pretty much as good as her' and now it haunts me. Help!
carhill Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 One question: What is he proactively doing, today, to build your trust and respect and address your fears? My opinion: Given the circumstances, if he does not make your relationship demonstrably job #1, this will never resolve and you'd be better leaving it now and addressing your fears on your own. If you've felt similarly in the past, and it is a pattern, get counseling. Self-evident trust is so important to having a healthy relationship. Best wishes!
Phateless Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 If you don't trust him, end it. If you won't end it, then trust him. You can't continue this way.
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