sara82 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 A good friend of mine just got her second chance with her ex...I wanted to share her story with all of you. 3 years ago they dated, VERY briefly (only 2 months). They were both very young ( she was 22, he was 25) Even though they were both very attracted to eachother...the timing wasn't right. He in a way felt like he couldn't give her, at the time, the life she wanted and then she pulled away, was distant, and didn't fully understand what she wanted out of a relationship. So they broke up... Shortly after that, my friend got engaged to a guy she had a very rocky on and off relationship with and he ended up moving away to Colorado to "clear his head" and essentially move on with his life. He ended up dating several other people, her marriage deteriated, but neither forgot about the other one. Fast forward 3 years later, my friend is in the process of getting a divorce, she had been trying to look him up for several months, when she finally found him on Facebook. Once they started talking again, they both realized there feelings for eachother, never really went away. They now talk daily...and are in the process of reconciliation.
NopeNah Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 get back to us in 4 months and let us know where they stand.
jmason2056 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 A good friend of mine just got her second chance with her ex...I wanted to share her story with all of you. 3 years ago they dated, VERY briefly (only 2 months). They were both very young ( she was 22, he was 25) Even though they were both very attracted to eachother...the timing wasn't right. He in a way felt like he couldn't give her, at the time, the life she wanted and then she pulled away, was distant, and didn't fully understand what she wanted out of a relationship. So they broke up... Shortly after that, my friend got engaged to a guy she had a very rocky on and off relationship with and he ended up moving away to Colorado to "clear his head" and essentially move on with his life. He ended up dating several other people, her marriage deteriated, but neither forgot about the other one. Fast forward 3 years later, my friend is in the process of getting a divorce, she had been trying to look him up for several months, when she finally found him on Facebook. Once they started talking again, they both realized there feelings for eachother, never really went away. They now talk daily...and are in the process of reconciliation. I'm sorry but did you say they only dated for 2 months? My breakup is longer than that. 2 months isn't even a relationship,that's still the dating phase. Sorry, but I agree. Let us know what happens in 4 months.
BCCA Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 To echo the sentiments of others, this is hardly the second chance most people are looking for. This was a random turn of events, that ended up working out in the end, but is a far cry from what most people here are looking for. First, they dated for two months. Thats not even a relationship, thats barely knowing the other person and just begining being intimate. Add in the timing being off, both being young, and her not knowing what she even wanted from a relationship, and this is little more than an acquaintance, not a boyfriend. Next, 3 years have passed. Thats a LONG time, and I have to point something out. She stops seeing this guy, goes back to other guy and gets engaged; leaves guy she was engaged to, goes back to this guy. See the pattern? I agree, give it 6 months They now talk daily...and are in the process of reconciliation. They dated for TWO MONTHS...reconciliation? Really?
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 "Hey! I just found this pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! Isn't that awesome?" "Yeah, but it's probably booby-trapped. With poison."
LovesHangover Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Thank you, sara82, for the nice story. I wish them well. A relationship does not take a long time to form for some, so cynical trio, stop with all the comments about the legitimacy of the 2-month courtship of this couple. Their relationship can wind up like any other splitsville or happily ever after whether they dated before or not.
samspade Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Thank you, sara82, for the nice story. I wish them well. A relationship does not take a long time to form for some, so cynical trio, stop with all the comments about the legitimacy of the 2-month courtship of this couple. Their relationship can wind up like any other splitsville or happily ever after whether they dated before or not. Two months is a fling, not an LTR. Not to mention, the friend in question is in the process of getting a divorce and clearly looking for a safe landing/branch to swing on. I'm sure she and this guy DO have leftover feelings for each other, but that owes more to the familiarity and relative lack of heartbreak involved. I've got nothing against the situation if they both want to date again, but let's not inflate the circumstances. Right now, he's more of a rebound than a second chance.
CaliGuy Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Like I said, men are MUCH more likely to come back than women are. That's based on the fact that when men choose to leave it's usually spur of the moment type of decisions. Women leave only after long, arduous discussions and lots of internal soul searching. When they leave, it's usually for good.
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 At this point, I haven't had one ex who hasn't tried to come back so I believe you when you say she/he have reconnected. This isn't magical or unusual. What's amazing is when people reconnect and stay reconnected for a viable LTR. What you're describing isn't a poster child for success. It might be, it might not be.
mark982 Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 she's on the rebound,just looking 4 anyone. though i wish them well,as someone else said,see us in 4 months.
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 At this point, I haven't had one ex who hasn't tried to come back so I believe you when you say she/he have reconnected. This isn't magical or unusual. What's amazing is when people reconnect and stay reconnected for a viable LTR. What you're describing isn't a poster child for success. It might be, it might not be. That is because, TBF, you have the personal confidence to walk away and implement NC. You make it clear, IMHO, that you are not interested in reconcilliation.... Some women leave the door open for reconcillation. Some men take the opportunity, some do not. There is no "standard" for reconcilliations. You have better odds of winning in Vegas, IMHO.
Trialbyfire Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 That is because, TBF, you have the personal confidence to walk away and implement NC. You make it clear, IMHO, that you are not interested in reconcilliation....Can't say that's consistent either. Sometimes it's LC, other times NC. It depends on what's caused the break up and the dynamics with the break up. For that matter, you know I believe in friendship with exes. As long as they're willing to be friends with the understanding that nothing will come of it, I'm fine with that, since more often than not, I still enjoy their company as friends. The only consistency I can see is that there was no begging and pleading on my part. I've also done the second chance thing once. A mistake since it turned into the same old, same old issues. Also, I'm primarily the person walking away, so that probably impacts on this heavily, since some men take it as a personal challenge, since break up appears to be a major self-esteem hit.
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Agreed. My point is that you have the confidence to walk away and MEAN IT. Not play wishy washy games with one's feelings.
NopeNah Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I've also done the second chance thing once. A mistake since it turned into the same old, same old issues. . That's my biggest concern in letting my ex back in my life.
L.Lou Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 ..Geez...so much Cynics it aint even funny! Well...I hope this works out for them. We're all on here for the same reasons people, lets stop the judgements about how "serious or nonserious" this relationship was. I was with a girl for two months...who left me as well, round a year ago. And STILL TO THIS DAY I want her back with all my heart....yeah, it sucks. Even just hearing that in this story, they're at an agreeance to maybe even trying one more time...doesn't give me hope for my situation...but makes me happy to see SOME looked deeper into that "What if" question. We all should..THEY all should lol
HisLove Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 That's my biggest concern in letting my ex back in my life. P4D - this was also a concern of mine, but it just hasn't happened. Yet anyway We had some pretty serious issues over a number of years, so there was a lot of anger and resentment from both sides. It seems that when both people really face those issues in themselves combined with forgiveness and understanding that the other person is just as human and fallible, then you can truly let go of the past. We were both afraid that the old stuff would resurface...and it just hasn't. We do discuss various painful parts of our history, with countless conversations still to take place, and we're sad for what happened, but it doesn't darken what we are creating now. I didn't think it would be possible to have such a complicated history and not drag that into today. So we've both grown a lot over the 3 years we've been apart. Last night over dinner, we both agreed that what we are trying to achieve this time is the relationship we both wished we had before. Creating a new history with a strong foundation. This time we will do it right - and that involves lots of communication and honesty. We are letting actions speak for themselves.
LovesHangover Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Two months is a fling, not an LTR. Not to mention, the friend in question is in the process of getting a divorce and clearly looking for a safe landing/branch to swing on. I'm sure she and this guy DO have leftover feelings for each other, but that owes more to the familiarity and relative lack of heartbreak involved. I've got nothing against the situation if they both want to date again, but let's not inflate the circumstances. Right now, he's more of a rebound than a second chance. That is a very good likely story. You do not know that for sure and is just making stuff up. You have a low perception of others: projecting perhaps?! You can be a sourpuss by yourself. I stand by my congratulations! All the best to you.- LovesHangover
EmperorR Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Like I said, men are MUCH more likely to come back than women are. That's based on the fact that when men choose to leave it's usually spur of the moment type of decisions. Women leave only after long, arduous discussions and lots of internal soul searching. When they leave, it's usually for good. yep this is true rarely do i see women return
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