Cora Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 So I had the urge today to look at one of his social networking pages. I haven't looked in a good month or longer, but for some reason I had that urge today. Today was a wonderful day for me to choose to look because he had just posted new pics about an hour before. They were pics of him and his new girlfriend at a wedding they attended for one of his girlfriends friends. They both looked so happy, dressed to the tee etc.. Then there were all the little mushy comments he wrote to her like "someday we will be married babe." I don't know why this bothers me so much. It's been almost 5 months since he left me. I don't want him back EVER! I think it's just the fact that he's happy and I'm not. I'm miserable while he is having the time of his life with a new girl. He isn't single. He's not having relationship problems. He isn't hurting or depressed. Oh quite the opposite....he's happy! I keep meeting all the Mr. Wrongs while he is having the time of his life with Miss Right. I keep going back and forth on this so much it's pathetic! One minute I'm okay and I don't even think about him, then the next he enters my mind again. Oh don't get me wrong, it's not as bad as it used to be. I'm just wondering if it is normal after not thinking about him for so long to just have him enter my mind out of the blue? I've been doing so well and then out of the blue it hit me sooo hard! I shouldn't have looked at his page because it just made things worse! I remember when he first told me about her, how he was sooo happy because he had found someone new and they had just started dating. Now they are already saying they love each other. Not only is he happy, but he is in love! I'm really not a jealous person....okay I am (After all I am a Scorpio!). Anyway, I guess it just kind of stung to see him so happy after he hurt me so much. He told me so many lies I did not know what to believe. Things seem genuine with this new girl. I dunno, I wish them all the best I really do. I just shouldn't of looked! Damn!
NopeNah Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 5 months and you still torture yourself with looking for evidence that he's moved on? Really? I thought you were out dating again?
Author Cora Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 5 months and you still torture yourself with looking for evidence that he's moved on? Really? I thought you were out dating again? Like I said, I'm not sure why this hit me today. I haven't looked at any of his pages in so long and have been NC with him. I haven't even thought about him for awhile. I have been dating but things didn't work out. I'm now taking a break. Maybe that's why I had him enter my mind? Just feeling down about things at the moment. I know it will pass. It just sucks!
NopeNah Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Get out there and date! Why are you taking a break?
Author Cora Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Get out there and date! Why are you taking a break? Just don't feel up to it anymore I guess. I'm depressed and I feel as if I have nothing to offer anyone right now. I'm not happy with life right now. Why would someone want to be around a person like that? I'm emotionally drained and until I can fix this I'm going to be miserable with dating. It's not fun anymore and it's become a chore. Sure, it's lonely and I crave companionship. Just don't think I'm gonna find anyone feeling the way that I do at the moment. Tired of the heartbreak.
consume Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Thankfully my ex has me blocked on myspace and facebook so I can't even look if I wanted too... for the better though, I'd rather not know what she's up to, or who's posting comments to her facebook. Try and keep clear from your ex's social sites... what you don't know, can't hurt you.
adamt Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I took my ex off my facebook a couple of weeks ago. it did help. we would also speak regularly on msn messenger everyday but not seen her on there since we split up. maybe she has blocked me. I thought i was doing ok. but last night i ended up going on an old messageboard we both used to use before and during the time we were together. Started search for old posts and found them and hit me in a bad way. Brought back memories. Even found the thread where i first found out she fancied me. Feel like i let myself down.
Meaplus3 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Yes. It's very normal to be curious, but please do yourself a favor and Don't look. By looking, it will only make you long for him more. To get past the R, you need to avoid all contact and the urges to peek at his pictures. I know it's easier said then done. You just need to have a little will power is all. You can do it. Mea:)
broken_promises Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Ahh, fellow Scorpio. That need to know (and the jealousy that ensues) consumes us at times. It sucks. After my last relapse of snooping and feeling SO horrible seeing that my ex was moving on so easily, I finally realized that IT'S BETTER NOT TO KNOW. For me, that was a major revelation because I was the person who felt like knowing/looking somehow put me in control. In reality, the only thing I was controlling was how much more miserable I could make myself. And, I don't know about you, but there is definitely a part of me that will focus on how happy other people are in comparison to how unhappy I am INSTEAD of focusing on myself and achieving my goals and my own happiness. So, yes... I think for some people (like Scorpios) we can feel that urge to look months and even years down the line. I am just learning now that resisting it, though difficult, is the only way to protect myself and not continue to heap pain on top of pain.
Kamille Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I think it's just the fact that he's happy and I'm not. What do you need to do to get happy? And we both know I'm not talking relationship here. What can you do for yourself, to make yourself the person you want to be? I disagree with the idea that you should date more to get over your ex. As you've experienced, it often only keeps us stalled into the same thought pattern, trying to regain some of our self worth through the validation of others. Not healthy in the long run. What you need to do is get your groove back for yourself and on your own. Stop focusing on what you don't have in your life and start focusing on what you do have going for you.
Author Cora Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Thank you all for responding. I have not looked at his page since and I don't plan on it anytime in the near future. I just pray that days or even months down the road if I feel that urge again I'll remember this miserable feeling that I feel right now for looking and I will continue to resist! I don't ever want to feel like this again. I remember while looking at those pictures he had posted, my heart sinking. I remember asking myself why do I feel like this? Why do I even care? I don't want him back. I'm still very much angry at him for treating me the way he did. It's just the fact that he is happy. As selfish as it sounds, I just hate seeing him happy. I am working on my happiness. I will hopefully be going back to school soon for something I really enjoy. I can't wait for that because it will keep me busy and make me happy. I have my family and friends who are wonderful. My cousin who I am very close to will be having her baby girl Nov 4th, just three days before my bday. Ah another Scorpio lol. I am very excited about her arrival! So I do have things in my life that make me happy. I'm still working on some things so that when I am ready to date again I will be in a better place emotionally. I realize how silly it is to allow something as little as seeing how happy he is cause me to feel so miserable. He does not control my happiness. Only I can control my happiness. Easier said than done, but I'm working on it. So never again! I'm making a commitment to never check up on him again, no matter how strong the urge. It just isn't worth it!
georgia girl Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Good luck avoiding the urge in the future, but don't beat yourself up too badly about it. I bet when you first broke up you were constantly looking. It's only natural that even as we heal, we still look back and we still get sad. As long as you pick yourself back up afterwards and keeping moving in the right direction, you'll be okay.
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