museumchick Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I'll try to make this brief. Dated a guy a year and a half ago. He lived out of state but would be here for work a few times a month. We went on a few dates, but the timing was bad (i was recovering from a breakup) and he lived far away. We stopped seeing each other and never spoke again. Fast forward to a couple of months ago: he emailed me to tell me he was moving to town and asked me for a drink when he gets here. We went out and he bowled me over by remembering random things I told him when we first met--things I couldn't even believe i shared with him. He was sweet and obviously attracted to me. It was mutual and I was thrilled because there's nothing standing in our way. We've been out 3 times since then (about 5 weeks). Each date is great and I am 100% sure he likes me and is attracted to me. Most everyone thinks that this is a good pace. He calls and texts, but not as often as I'd like. I understand he's new to town so I am trying to give him space, but I don't feel like a priority and I want to be. He can go days w/o any contact. I assume he's dating other people and that's fine for now, but it won't be okay with me soon. I guess my question is: what's a good pace for the start of a relationship? What can I do to let him know I want things to progress w/o scaring him off? Thanks
Thaddeus Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Sounds like things are going very well. I wouldn't worry that he's not in contact every single day. He's got a life outside of your new relationship with his job and everything else. He may or may not be dating others, it's impossible to tell, but frankly from what you've written here I think it's progressing very well. Don't push the "exclusivity" thing too quickly for that will surely drive him away. It's only been 3 dates over 5 weeks.
NopeNah Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 yea..3 dates is WAY to soon to be having thoughts of exclusivity by either party. Relax and let it do, what it do! You yourself should still be dating others aswell.
carhill Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Each date is great and I am 100% sure he likes me and is attracted to me. So, how does it feel when he kisses you? Any sexual activity yet? Absent intercourse or significant other sexual activity, and given the amount of time between dates, I would opine that weekly contact, like a nice phone call, would be 'normal'. That said, I would expect things to progress over the next month. If you come back with this story at that time, I would opine low interest. Simply and bluntly, a 'normal' man remembers things and shows consistent interest because he envisions getting his noodle wet down the road. The vision enables him to form emotional memories and pursue proactively. IMO, if he's 'taking his time', he's either abnormal (that's me) or he has low interest or is getting his noodle wet elsewhere and considers you a backup plan. Hope that helps
boogieboy Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Youre basically asking him for the guys equivalent to sex on the first date. You cant ask for it, you have to attract him enough to make him want to spend more time with you. If you ask him, you could push him away this early in the game. So have some patience, if he wants to call you more and spend more time with you, he will. otherwise, you willl only be competing with the other women he is seeing. You have to make yourself worth his time.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I agree there's nothing you can actively do to invite a heightening of interest or commitment, beyond being your awesome self. The remembering stuff is great, but it doesn't mean anything -- I am constantly amazed at the random **** men remember. I can't even remember my own ****, let alone other people's. I think he's dating around and seeing who intrigues him the most. The surest way NOT to be that girl is to kill all the mystery and fun by chasing him.
Author museumchick Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 thanks guys! it's hard to be patient, but i'm definitely waiting it out to see what happens. i just want to 'beat the competition'!! i refuse to put all my eggs in one basket, so i will see others as the opportunities arise.
stepka Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I'm in almost the same situation and wondering where it will go with this amazing man. I almost chased him away with trying to step up the pace or make him declare himself, but I came to my senses and apologized and he still came back for more, so I'm thinking it will work out. We are up to about 1x per week, and he still hasn't kissed me yet (3 dates), but that was in response to my request to take it very slowly, and yes, we're both dating others for now. He did make a favorable comparison about me to others he's dated so I'm thinking it might be tilting in my favor. One thing that I think may have slowed things up in the beginning is that we got off to a rather teasing relationship from the very beginning and I was trying so hard to play it cool that he may have thought that I wasn't interested, which may be why my efforts to step things up seemed to be successful. Make sure he knows you want more w/o putting on pressure. Have you ever asked him out? So museumchick, this could get off the ground and the fact that he came back after 1-1/2 years and remembered all that stuff means you stuck out in his mind. And remember this; if it's meant to be, there isn't much you can do to mess things up, within reason of course. If he's the one, he will stick around. If he's not meant to be, there isn't much you can do to keep him. That's an eternal truth I think and I'm trying to keep that one in mind as I wade through this minefield called dating.
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