delajoonal Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 ok...so is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that the past 4 to 6 months nearly all the people posting (even people i know here at home) have been married for 13 years and are now getting a divorce??? what? is IT this year 2009? is IT the 13th year of marriage that is really the 7 year itch? i just spoke with 2 more people this past week..one she came home and her husband had his bags packed and said he needed to be alone...after 13 years of marriage and 3 kids later.. another was a man...13 years of marriage, wife walked away too.. and then there are sooooo many others i have met here on LS..some have not posted in awhile...but i can say at least a dozen married 13 years and now divorcing this year... hmmm...13 used to be my lucky number..LOL geesh...weird right?
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I dunno... mine hit at year 7, and we finally separated at year 11. Divorce probably in year 12, or... 13! Hmm... maybe you are on to something.
Author delajoonal Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 most of the people i met a few months back were ALL at the 13 year mark...but i have not seen there names up lately...i am hoping they pop up and check in and give a thought as well....? btb...that was a long divorce? was it the legal stuff that took so long? or did you try to reconcile? ok, so i suppose it is really none of my business...please feel free to not answer if i got to personal;) but i am curious..cause i am in california, and i have been told it is going to take me and H at least ..minimum 2 years to get through this divorce and finalized etc... cause right now we are just separated..legal papers done..but NOT filed. so i am not sure how long IT takes in other states...plus california is a NO FAULT state...which to me would seem to NOT take as long..right? hmm?
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 We moved into separate residences, and then I got cancer. He took care of me for much of the next year (surgery, chemo, and treatment took nearly a year) after my bf dumped me, and helped me get back on my feet. I stayed at his place for a year or so and now I've moved into my own place again (much to the great relief and delight of his girlfriend! ha). Here, you have to wait a year and a day to the day you moved into separate residences before you can file. I doubt either of us will though, unless it becomes necessary. If either of us find ourselves in a serious relationship with a real future, we'll file. Otherwise, its no big deal. We are still very close, and always will be. Just not in the 'husband and wife' way. No hurry to divorce.
Cali Chris Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Hey delajoonal, My break up was at the beginning of this year, 13 years together, married for 8.... so ya maybe there is a thing about the 13th year. But somehow, I had this feeling that this whole year of 09 hasnt been good to most!! economy wise , jobs, just seems we've been a really crappy mode this year. Hmmmm Hope things are ok with you!
Author delajoonal Posted July 24, 2009 Author Posted July 24, 2009 hi Cali... ya, isn't that weird about the 13th year thing..there are actually alot of other members i have seen in a while, that had posted a few months back...we were ALL at the 13 mark... anyway, i think you do have a good point too...2009 has been an awful year for everyone all the way around...so maybe it is just this year...or both..LOL... anyway...today was better then the past 6 days i have spent in bed crying and on this site...thank you for asking:) by the by..nice to meet you:) i will have to read back and catch up on your story? i have seen you post a few times today:) hope you are well too:)
Author delajoonal Posted July 24, 2009 Author Posted July 24, 2009 i just read another post tonight in another thread, that they had 'issues' after 13 years of marriage/together....see, what is with that number?????
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 My marriage went sour after 7 years, and we had the separation "talk" a week before our 13th anniversary. To this day I don't know exactly what the trigger was. I know what exH says it was, but after all this time, I now question it. It was a purchase I made, and he thought it was unnecessary and didn't say anything, just let the resentment build, and we both let it build and build and build for several years. Now I wonder if there was something with him before that purchase. We never talked about it.... to this day.
Author delajoonal Posted July 24, 2009 Author Posted July 24, 2009 hmmm? i know i made several purchases that boiled my H's blood...this was years years ago..he still rambles on about them...so it could be IT was the start to the road that led to your separation? were you ever able to ask him straight out what his deal was about that purchase? keep posting OK:)
tojaz Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Just to chime in, me and the wife have only been married for 2 and a half years, but we have been together for 13, do you think that counts? TOJAZ
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 hmmm? i know i made several purchases that boiled my H's blood...this was years years ago..he still rambles on about them...so it could be IT was the start to the road that led to your separation? were you ever able to ask him straight out what his deal was about that purchase? keep posting OK:) Yes we had a huge blow-up about it. He said we have to watch our spending, and not buy unnecessary things. It didn't matter to him that the $100 was ten items, one that my niece had been dying for for ages, a rare item that a condition of buying it was that you had to buy ten of them. So I thought, hey, we have kids, kids go to birthday parties, it's just pre-buying gifts. I didn't understand his panic. By that time, after a few months of H's neglect, I had found a fun chat room, and found all these men that told me everything I wanted to hear. I was so naive back then. Started to fall for these guys... but then I told him everything, had the big blow-up, and found out it started because of the purchase. Things were better for a little while, we both started the online thing, and eventually issues would come up and we wouldn't put them on the table, the internet was our escape. Then resentment built and built over the next few years. We separated once for 3 months. I left them, it was the worst time of my life. I would have had a nervous breakdown otherwise. I stayed with my parents and after a month, we started counselling and worked our way back together. It took a year to feel comfortable in my own home. Then we had a great year, then things went sour again.... the neglect... no talking. To this day, I do not know what started that phase but after 9 months we talked again, gave it a few months where we would "try" and a few months later we were done.... had the "talk" a week before our 13th anniversary and separated within a few months (after possession of my new house). That was at the end of 2004.
Gunny376 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 Mine ended when I was married for 12 years. She claims 11, but we were sepearted for a year. I married when I was 22, and looking back? I was just too young, dumb, and ignorant to be married. I didn't have enough experience in relationships to be married! And I guess I still am? Because my main reason for being and posting on LS is to learn from others? You've heard of PMS? From my research and studies about dating, mating, etc ~ women file 90% of all divorce petitions! Its my belief? That they get 'T-PMS!" "Tired of Putting Up With Men's S***!" Men aren't women and women aren't men. But too many women believe men should understand they way they think? And when they don't? They get PO'd about it and go run and find another man that turns out to be just like the one (or worse) than they just left? Men get married to women hoping they will never change ~ women get married thinking they will change the men they marry! I think people just get bored and tired with one another after being together so long? I see so many couples that have been together for so long ~ just going through the same old daily grind? She's in one room on on the computer or watching the Home and Garden Channel and he's in another watching the game on TV! After the children are grown, gone and on their own? They're even sleeping in separate bedrooms. 30% of couples that have been together 10 years or more have sex less than ten times a year ~ not to say that sex is the only reason for being married? I've read (as many of you have) that fifty percent of all first time marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages? 62% For third marriages? ~ 72% Of the fifty percent of first time marriages ~ those that stay together rather than divorce, only 13% claim to be happily married. The remaining 37% are staying together for the status quo, the children, finances, "what would the neighbors/church members think", religious convictions. Me? I'm looking for a gal who financially independent, self-supporting, owns her own house/car. She's got a nickle! I got a dime! We'll go together and get a bottle of wine! When she gets in one of her moods, gets PO'd at me, whatever! She can tell me! Gunny! Go home! I'll call you in a week or two!
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I hear you Gunny. When we were having our problems, one MC told us that we were having power struggles. The main sources of power in a relationship are Money and Sex. My income was always the same as his so he couldn't use that over me so he withheld sex. I wanted him to be one of those normal horny husbands who couldn't keep his hands off me. He wanted ME to initiate sex and I am a bit old fashioned and wanted the romance. We were both stubborn on this and also avoided talking about it, avoided any kind of conversation that would open the realization that there was indeed conflict between us! He's a great guy. My friends wonder why I left him. I still can't imagine being married to him, but we are good friends to this day. We have both moved on yet share parenting duties and probably talk every day or at least email about the kids. He could have been a real a-hole to me, but that is not in his nature. I might even invite myself to go to the beach with them tomorrow He didn't fight for the marriage either, so that led me to believe it was more mutual than all my fault, and I did take full blame, internally, for a very long time. Whether it's 3 years or 13 years, there are many different reasons even if there are similarities(?). We all have different personalities, we're all here for a short time, to learn about love and life, and I believe what we learn prepares us for the next life. If you didn't meet your soulmate in this one, you will be closer to meeting him or her in your next life. If you don't meet one in that life, you are further prepared for the life after that, and so on.
Gunny376 Posted July 25, 2009 Posted July 25, 2009 I hear you Gunny. When we were having our problems, one MC told us that we were having power struggles. The main sources of power in a relationship are Money and Sex. My income was always the same as his so he couldn't use that over me so he withheld sex. I wanted him to be one of those normal horny husbands who couldn't keep his hands off me. He wanted ME to initiate sex and I am a bit old fashioned and wanted the romance. We were both stubborn on this and also avoided talking about it, avoided any kind of conversation that would open the realization that there was indeed conflict between us! He's a great guy. My friends wonder why I left him. I still can't imagine being married to him, but we are good friends to this day. We have both moved on yet share parenting duties and probably talk every day or at least email about the kids. He could have been a real a-hole to me, but that is not in his nature. I might even invite myself to go to the beach with them tomorrow He didn't fight for the marriage either, so that led me to believe it was more mutual than all my fault, and I did take full blame, internally, for a very long time. Whether it's 3 years or 13 years, there are many different reasons even if there are similarities(?). We all have different personalities, we're all here for a short time, to learn about love and life, and I believe what we learn prepares us for the next life. If you didn't meet your soulmate in this one, you will be closer to meeting him or her in your next life. If you don't meet one in that life, you are further prepared for the life after that, and so on. First I love it now and again when its the woman that initiates sex! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! :love: :love: And its nothing more than a need and want to be desired by her! When its mutual and spontaneous at the same time? Double Grrrrrrrrr! :love: :love: :love: Its my believe that we're actually spiritual beings having an "earthly experience" rather than earthly beings having a spiritual experience. I believe this life and the world we live in? Is nothing more than just one big cosmic 'classroom' and its the reason we were born and come to the planet. I've learned a lot over the course of the years ~ I'm here to tell you! And' I've got a lot to yet learn! Edited: I've got a lot to learn yet! (Cup of WTFU hasn't kicked in yet!)
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Its my believe that we're actually spiritual beings having an "earthly experience" rather than earthly beings having a spiritual experience. Have you been reading Susie and Otto??? I have their books downloaded and very interesting and informative material. That was one quote I meant to write down in fact. Currently I'm reading "Is it love or is it addiction" by Brenda Shaeffer. I'm on the second round, making notes this time. Funny when I think of my marriage it means one thing, when I think of my MM it means another, then when I totally try and relate it just to me, I get yet a third meaning.
Author delajoonal Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 ok...so i just found 2 more today...13 year marriages gone kaput this year... what the heck is going on??? is 13 the REAL seven year itch? is it 2009? is it economy? what is going on with that number? anyone else have a story?
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