Not sure wtf has happened girlfriend has gone from one extreme to the other.

[TheRenegade]

Hello everyone, I am just looking for some insight into this situation of mine. I have been with this girl for about 2 months now. I first met her at a nightclub at a female friend's birthday party, where we talked and danced, and she seemed really interested in me, but I didn't think anything of it at the time. About 2 weeks later I saw her again at a local bar and I ended up exchanging numbers, kissing etc and she stayed round mine.

 

We met up again the next day for drinks, and we got on really well, conversation flowed really easy, got drunk messed about and generally had a fun time. After this we have been going out regularly 2-4 times a week for a good month and a half, and we got to know each other really well. After about a month of going out she asked me if we were an official couple and I said 'yeah, why not' and she seemed pretty happy about it.

 

This all seemed to be going well, until she came back from a vacation with her friends a week ago. She was only on holiday for a week but she texted me everyday, even bought a phone card and called me every couple of days. Even on the last night she called me at what must have been 5:30am where she was in the world, and drunkenly told me how much she misses me, can't wait to see me and have sex with me again etc, and it was quite amusing but sounded pretty cool to my ears, and by this point I couldn't wait to see her again, as I was on my way home from a club back at home and I was quite drunk as well.

 

The next day when she came back I texted her asking how she was, and she just replied that she was tired. That night I went down the pub with some mates, and I asked her if she wanted to come out for a quick drink and talk about her holiday and all that crap. She said that she was going down there anyway but with her friends. I saw her down there and talked, but she didn't seem as talkative as she usually is, and I just assumed that she was tired, with her friends etc, and thought nothing of it. She also said that she wanted to go out, just me and her that week.

 

The next day I texted her asking how she is but I got no reply. When I got home from work I spoke to her on facebook asking if she still wanted to go out the next day but she said she was going out with her friends instead, and I thought that was cool, you gotta spend time with your friends. Although I noticed that in this facebook chat conversation she was quite blunt in her answers and didn't elaborate at all, and it was me asking all the questions.

 

 

Over the next few days (last week) I had no contact with her at all, which seemed out of place since she use to talk to me all the time, but I thought since she just got back she might be have a post-holiday comedown, and was probably tired. I sent her a few texts and tried to call twice but she did not respond. Come the weekend, I text her and asked if she wanted to come out for some drinks etc but she said she did not have the money for it, and I thought fair enough.

 

Since last friday I haven't spoke to her at all, and she has not tried to contact me at all, and I am confused by this sudden breakdown in contact, it seems like an extreme contrast to the way she was literally just over a week ago, and i definitely get the feeling that she has gone cold on me, or is just acting weird.

 

 

Some information that I have omitted so far is that I got with her best mate in the nightclub toilet on the night we first met at the friends birthday. This other girl I got with also went on holiday with her. I get the feeling now that she may have drunkenly told her what happened on the last night they were on holiday, as they stayed in the same room. Even though we weren't going out when I got with the other girl (this other girl has had a steady boyfriend of 2 years as well, that I did not know about until after), I imagine that this would definitely hurt her feelings if she did tell her, and would explain why she seems to have gone cold on me so abruptly, especially when we were getting on really well before.

 

 

At this point I have no idea what to do, am I over analyzing this and overreacting? but it does seems strange how things have changed so quickly. I suppose, that I am letting my curiosity and emotions take over a bit too much, but I don't like this ambiguity. I met two other girls while I was out with friends over the weekend and got their numbers and meeting up again was hinted at in both encounters. If she did want to end things with me I wish she would just tell me so i can move on, instead of not talking to me at all. I do also admit that while in front of friends others i know I have appeared pretty much unfazed by it, in my head I'm kinda upset if it is over, because I thought we had a good thing going on.

 

 

My head is all over the place right now and I keep thinking about it, and I do wonder what is actually going on. I never post on forums, and this is funnily enough the first thread I have ever made lol. I was thinking about trying to get in touch with her one last time, maybe call or go round her house, but now I don't think I can be bothered, if she really wanted to talk to me she wouldv'e by now, and I should just grow a pair and move on. The problem is I would just like to know what is going on between us.

 

I'm sorry for such a long post, any insight on this is appreciated. Thank you.

[eric82]

I think it's already over, but if you really want to be sure and have no regrets, I recommend that you go over to her place and talk to her face to face. Only face to face will you be able to see what's really going on. I doubt she will admit the real reasons that she's no longer feeling you, because she might not even know herself. But her body language, what she says and doesn't say, and the way she talks to you in person will tell you all that you need to know about where you really stand with her and whether there's anything left of the relationship to salvage. If she's cold, distant, and minimalistic in her replies, it's over, she just hasn't told you yet.

 

I've had girls go cold very abruptly and seemingly without reason. I know how utterly confusing it is. It sucks. There's usually an ex or new guy in the picture. They never admit that's the case, but that's reality. They always end up leaving unless you leave first. If you leave them, they start panicing and chasing you, but don't confuse that with actual interest. It's just their ego run amok. Nothing more. And it's best to stay away, forever.

 

What I've learned from this kind of experience is that the best way to handle it isn't to resist the changing tides or expect answers, but to confront her immediately to find out where things are headed and simply make the decision for her. If she doesn't give you the explanations and reassurances you need, dump her immediately because she's going to dump you. Don't let her. People who want a relationship do everything they can to make it work. If she's no longer putting in effort, she no longer cares. Your effort is in confronting her.

 

I know you want to know why the sudden shift, but she's probably not going to tell you outright and you're probably not going to figure it out till well after the relationship has ended. The answers right now don't matter, all that matters is her interest level in you. Ultimately, you're better off without her when she's no longer interested.

[New Again]

Wow, what a fantastic answer, eric82.

[TheRenegade]

I think it's already over, but if you really want to be sure and have no regrets, I recommend that you go over to her place and talk to her face to face. Only face to face will you be able to see what's really going on. I doubt she will admit the real reasons that she's no longer feeling you, because she might not even know herself. But her body language, what she says and doesn't say, and the way she talks to you in person will tell you all that you need to know about where you really stand with her and whether there's anything left of the relationship to salvage. If she's cold, distant, and minimalistic in her replies, it's over, she just hasn't told you yet.

 

I've had girls go cold very abruptly and seemingly without reason. I know how utterly confusing it is. It sucks. There's usually an ex or new guy in the picture. They never admit that's the case, but that's reality. They always end up leaving unless you leave first. If you leave them, they start panicing and chasing you, but don't confuse that with actual interest. It's just their ego run amok. Nothing more. And it's best to stay away, forever.

 

What I've learned from this kind of experience is that the best way to handle it isn't to resist the changing tides or expect answers, but to confront her immediately to find out where things are headed and simply make the decision for her. If she doesn't give you the explanations and reassurances you need, dump her immediately because she's going to dump you. Don't let her. People who want a relationship do everything they can to make it work. If she's no longer putting in effort, she no longer cares. Your effort is in confronting her.

 

I know you want to know why the sudden shift, but she's probably not going to tell you outright and you're probably not going to figure it out till well after the relationship has ended. The answers right now don't matter, all that matters is her interest level in you. Ultimately, you're better off without her when she's no longer interested.

 

 

 

Thank you very much for the reply and the advice, it is much appreciated. I think when I made the original post yesterday I was feeling pretty down from the weekends excesses, a lack of sleep, and of problems not just relationship wise, but financial issues and pursuing a good career. I got a good nights sleep last night, and today I felt a lot better, and I have started to put things in perspective. My priority right now is sorting out a real career now that I have graduated, and this would alleviate the financial problems that I have acquired. I need to think about where I want to be in 5-10 years and how I can get there, and I realized today that getting down and obsessing over this little romantic fling and one person is not helping in any way, and I think the rational side of my brain confirmed this for me today. I will nevertheless definitely confront her this week to find out what is happening, I agree with you that it is probably over, but I just want to find out how it ended. I will post back to let you know how it went in case you are interested.

[samspade]

I agree with Eric, except for one point. Don't even bother confronting her and demanding explanations, because a) your intuition is probably correct, b) she's not going to tell you everything, and c) even if she does, she'll blame it on you and rope you into an argument you'll never win.

 

You already know that this girl's interest went from 100 to almost 0 after her trip. It's over, and you'll never get that interest level back up to where it was. Do you really need to know the gory details of her vacation? Dump her, think about how your behavior might have contributed to her change, and apply the lessons to future relationships. Even if you got verbal reassurances from her, you already know they would not be congruent with her behavior - meaning she is just hanging on to one branch before she safely swings to another.

 

I might add that if it's only been 2 months, and you haven't heard from her since Friday, there probably isn't any need to go through the motions of dumping her. Sounds like a fling that fizzled. Just move on.