Owl Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Tell your husband that it's HIS JOB to rebuild the trust that he shattered by having his affair. It's your job to give him the chance, and his job to put forth the effort and understanding to do so. He has to be the one to continually DEMONSTRATE to you that he's now trustworthy. You'd be an idiot to GIVE him that trust back right away after this...he's got to EARN it back. Bring this up in counseling too...and ask the counselor to help the two of you work through this. And...bring up the fact that a big part of the rebuilding of trust is seeing evidence of true remorse and regret over his actions. It sounds to me like he's showing anger...not sadness/remorse/regret. If you don't believe he regrets what he's done, there's no reason to believe that he won't do it again, or keep on doing it. Therefore, that destroys one of the key pillars of rebuilding trust...because you don't see any reason to believe that he's changed, that you CAN trust him. What changes has he made to show he's trustworthy now? Given you full access to how he conducted the affair? Full access to ALL of his communications methods (email/IM/phone/texts/etc...)? Has he explained in detail the events leading up to and during the affair? Outlined EXACTLY how he deceived you, and offered true regret for having done so? Or is he just posturing and blowing smoke?
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