kizik Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Heya, I had a first date with a new girl last night. I'm 25, she's 20. Normally I'd be bothered by such an age difference, but this girl is smart, sweet, mature and awesome! We met outside the restaurant, which was packed. Told there was a twenty minute wait. Before we knew it, an hour had gone by. Still no table, but we didn't care and didn't notice - the convo was smooth and interesting. She's an English Lit major and a film fan, just like me. So we went and got sushi and it was fun. "What are you doing after this?" I asked. "Oh, I'm supposed to talk to my sister, she's out of town..." Kinda felt like a blow-off, but I gave her a big hug (no kiss, didn't "feel right") and told her I'd call her Saturday. Q's for the women: - does the lack of hanging out afterward signify disinterest? I felt like we were smiling and flirting the whole time, but then again, I'm not talented at reading the signs of interest. -does the lack of a kiss "friend-zone" me? We were on the street and parting ways, and it simply didn't feel like the best time. -I'd like to send her a text, saying I had a great time. Is today too soon? Should I wait a couple days? Thanks for reading. -k
Jilly Bean Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Having to leave to talk to her sister, is the same as saying she had to run home to rearrange her sock drawer. Yes, it was a blow-off. If she legitimately had to make the call, she would have been more apologetic. I wouldn't pursue it further.
Author kizik Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 Hmmm.... you might have a point, but I'm not sure I'll write this one off just yet. She may have wanted to just let well enough alone; not pushing an already fun time. PS. I have a date with someone else later this week. If one thing doesn't work out, another just might!
New Again Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I'm very close with my siblings - having a phone date with my sister would be a legit reason for having to bounce (although we all live hours away from each other - prob different story if my sister was just out of town, unless something big was going on with her) - as Jilly Bean said, if I were having a good time I'd have been apologetic about it. I tend to prefer a hug/kiss on the cheek at the end of a first date if haven't met/hung out with the guy before - I usually have to hang out with a guy a few times before I decide if I want him to kiss me or be physical. Go ahead and send her a text today - it's not too soon, and maybe it'll give you a hint as to how she felt about the date.
alphamale Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 -does the lack of a kiss "friend-zone" me? We were on the street and parting ways, and it simply didn't feel like the best time. dude there's never a bad time for a good smooch on the lips
tanbark813 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 If you're interested in her then call her up and ask her out again. Don't mindf**k yourself about whether or not it was a blow-off. If it turns out it was and she declines your second date then you're no worse off than you are now. Also, you should have had something in mind to suggest to go do after dinner.
Author kizik Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 If you're interested in her then call her up and ask her out again. Don't mindf**k yourself about whether or not it was a blow-off. If it turns out it was and she declines your second date then you're no worse off than you are now. Thanks for the above. Also, you should have had something in mind to suggest to go do after dinner. Maybe so. Oh, well. She seemed set on going home (hence the blow-off feeling), so my after-plans would have likely been moot.
alphamale Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Maybe so. Oh, well. She seemed set on going home (hence the blow-off feeling), so my after-plans would have likely been moot. why don't you suggest something she just can't resist like shoes shopping?
northstar1 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Having to leave to talk to her sister, is the same as saying she had to run home to rearrange her sock drawer. Yes, it was a blow-off. If she legitimately had to make the call, she would have been more apologetic. I wouldn't pursue it further. Not necessarily true. Some people actually don't want to spend the entire night together on a first date, so they have plans later on. It's not that unusual and shouldn't be taken as a total measure of interest yet.
Author kizik Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 Oh alpha, you've redeemed the sadness of your dainty shoe-date with your excellent self-deprecation.
Jilly Bean Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 dude there's never a bad time for a good smooch on the lips Horrible advice! Kizik - a hug good night for a first date is VERY appropriate. Most women don't like guys to get too pushy with the physical too soon. And not getting a kiss on a first date is NOT a sign of disinterest from a woman. But, Tanbark is right - you can pursue her if you want, no harm, but I wouldn't hold out that much hope. Good to hear you have other dates lined up.
Jilly Bean Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Not necessarily true. Some people actually don't want to spend the entire night together on a first date, so they have plans later on. It's not that unusual and shouldn't be taken as a total measure of interest yet. True, but then she would have been more apologetic, and showing interest in doing that the NEXT TIME. If a man suggests a date, or furthering one, and a woman responds with an excuse and doesn't offer another option, then it's disinterest.
Author kizik Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 I told her I'd call her Saturday. She seemed down. IDK. I'll text and gauge the response.
northstar1 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I told her I'd call her Saturday. She seemed down. IDK. I'll text and gauge the response. Perfect. But call her, don't text. don't over think it at this point. just take the postives away from the date and take that confidence forward.
Author kizik Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 @ North: my plan was to text today or tomorrow - "Had a great time with you, wanna catch a movie Sat.?" and then call her Sat. Are you saying I should call instead of texting today? I don't wanna appear eager and I don't wanna surprise her.
alphamale Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 @ North: my plan was to text today or tomorrow - "Had a great time with you, wanna catch a movie Sat.?" and then call her Sat. Are you saying I should call instead of texting today? I don't wanna appear eager and I don't wanna surprise her. you should call her two to three days after the first date. call, not txt.
northstar1 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 @ North: my plan was to text today or tomorrow - "Had a great time with you, wanna catch a movie Sat.?" and then call her Sat. Are you saying I should call instead of texting today? I don't wanna appear eager and I don't wanna surprise her. Yeah, i'd call. Texting is too ambiguous to interpret. Call her in a day or two and keep it short and ask her about going out again.
Thaddeus Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 you should call her two to three days after the first date. call, not txt. Agreed. (What is with this infatuation with texting? Not just in this thread, but all over the place...) A phone call is much more personal, it matters more.
Cora Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I don't think it's a sign of disinterest at all! I admit, she could have at least been a bit more apologetic. I agree, you should definitely call her! Good luck and have fun!
JUSTdaNCE Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 This is a similar situation I was in a few months ago. It was actually a blind date set up by my friend. Obviously never met before but we had texted a few times and decided it was best to meet at the restaurant. I was very attracted to him. We had great conversation, felt totally comfortable with each other and the hours flew by. He asked me to hang out after dinner but since we had spent so much time at dinner (and didn't even realize it) I had to go. I had family commitments, legit. I could tell he was set back by my response, but he text me...that night actually and said he had a lot fun! I also only got a hug at the end of the date (Even though I really wanted that kiss) We went out a few more times, but things didn't work out in the end... Anyway...this is your thread ...not mine, so what I am saying is go with it...Her phone call may have been a legit reason! Text her! Hope things work out!
Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 If a man suggests a date, or furthering one, and a woman responds with an excuse and doesn't offer another option, then it's disinterest. That may be true in certain instances, but it didn't happen here. I agree with TB - ask her out, and then you'll know. But don't text - CALL her.
Author kizik Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 What is with this infatuation with texting? Not just in this thread, but all over the place If I recall correctly, you're 50, so maybe it's a generational thing... for me, a text is just a nice way of letting someone know something, whenever they get around to reading it... no pressure, no timing involved. Please don't get me wrong - I've called and talked to her on the phone several times. Texting in this case is NOT some substitution for calling. But, having said that, most women here seem to find it impersonal and lazy... so I guess I'll call... but I don't want her to feel pressured or anything.
alphamale Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Texting in this case is NOT some substitution for calling. when it comes to romance it is...remember that women are much more auditory than we are
Thaddeus Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 If I recall correctly, you're 50, so maybe it's a generational thing. Yes, that's correct. Perhaps us crusty old geezers *wheeze kaff-kaff* should learn the groovy new lingo & tech goodies, ya dig? Email, land line, cellphone, voicemail, texting, IMs... holy crap! A million different ways to mis-communicate! Perhaps semaphore might make a comeback. That would be cool... er, groovy (rad? boss? the sh*t? sick?)
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