WalkAway46 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 So me and my girlfriend have been having some problems lately and i don't know what to do. I am 26 and she is 22. we met right before she was going to college. We did the whole long distance relationship thing for about 2 years until i left school and moved near her. Everything had been going great up until a month or so ago i started to notice her acting a little different. We were always pretty affectionate, had sex at least 5 or 6 times a week and lately this has changed to maybe once or twice a week. she doesn't seem as affectionate lately, and i have noticed that she is never the first person to say i love you, or when she does it sounds like it's a little forced or something (or maybe i am just being paranoid). i just feel like lately we are just going through the motions lately and i knew there was definetly something wrong last night when i called her after i got home, i didn't say i love you, neither did she. When we are together i will ask her every once in a while if she is doing ok or if there is anything wrong and she says she is ok. I emailed her last night asking if she was unhappy about something and that i thought that she was acting distant lately. this was her response: "i've been thinking the same things. you just seem kind of quiet and hard to talk to the last couple days. i'm not sure what it is but something doesn't seem right. i was thinking about it all morning and maybe we just don't have that much in common anymore. there are things i would change about our relationship, i'm sure there are things you would change too but i'm mostly happy. maybe this is something we need to talk about more, i'm not sure." She says that I was being hard to talk to, but i started to do that because i was hurt about the little differences in the way she has acted recently. She was originally supposed to graduate in a few months, and we talked a little about moving in together. She had a hard time getting an internship this summer and is now talking about going to grad school. i think she might be unsure of our future and she might be freaking out. i have a job right now, but no real career. i am taking classes for my university online in the fall to complete my degree, i just think she might be worried that i will not be able get my **** together or something. I called her today and i am going to go over and talk with her about this some more today. i love this girl more then anything, i don't think the relationship is doomed or anything, but there have definitely been some problems lately which were not there for the first 2 or so years of out relationship. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
marz Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 It seems that you are both still finding your place and want to be together but have found a bit of a wall as things are kind of leading you apart. Something that definitely might be happening is that she has come to the point in the relationship where she decides to continue being with you or being young and moving on. I'm not saying that she is over you, but I can relate to this time in the relationship as thinking about the future and wondering whether or not to stay with that person. I'm sure she does still love you. And I'm even more sure that without pressuring her and talking about the future etc. you will figure it out. Listen to what she has to say and don't have a response to her points and make her feel like it is her who is doing the wrong thing.
Author WalkAway46 Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 Listen to what she has to say and don't have a response to her points and make her feel like it is her who is doing the wrong thing. so should i not bring up the things she has been doing recently that have been bothering me? i don't want to seem clingy, or piss her off and put her on the defensive. but at the at same time i think she needs to know that i have been noticing her acting different lately and that is in turn why i have been acting different. should i bring it up, but not be too specific?
marz Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 so should i not bring up the things she has been doing recently that have been bothering me? i don't want to seem clingy, or piss her off and put her on the defensive. but at the at same time i think she needs to know that i have been noticing her acting different lately and that is in turn why i have been acting different. should i bring it up, but not be too specific? It's a bit hard isn't it. She seems strong, and might get defensive if you imply something. I mean, what are you really scared of when you say, "She is acting differently"... ? Cheating isn't it? If you imply this, she might get angry and then it will be hard to fix things. Smooth her over. I mean, you know her. Make her tell you whats up. Say that you're worried about her and that you love her more than anything. Reassure her that she can tell you anything and that you are here for her. Smile.. etc. If there is something on her mind, I'm sure she will tell you. And it may take her some time.. Be patient.
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