first Post - Comments/thoughts?

[whyiam]

Hi, long time lurker. I have been reading alot posts some have been so helpful. Now, I would like to share my story and get some thoughts on it.

 

My GF left me 2 months ago after being together for 2.5 years. We loved each other dearly, we had the intent of spending our lives together. Her reason for leaving me was because I put this defensive wall up around me after being together for about 1 year or so. I shut her out, I became non communicative, I was quiet, i wasn't affectionate with her. I had insecurities, not with her, but with me. I became withdrawn and quiet, I lost all my confidence. She was quite aware of what was going on and desperately wanted me to bring the wall down and assured me that everything would be OK if i did so. The reason for this wall comes from my past. My father passed away when i was a teenager(I'm now in my early 30's). He was not only my father, but my best friend, people called me his shadow. It was very painful to deal with his death, more so have someone gone from my life. I put up this wall with the GF because I was scared to lose her one day, and go through the pain of losing someone very close to me, equating it to my situation from my past. Essentially, my wall didn't do me any good( i know logically makes no sense)but it only drove her away from me. I miss her so much and feel so dumb for shutting her out and becoming the way I did. I admit, I do wish for a second chance because I know I truly wasn't myself. After the breakup i knew I had to deal with this issue. I have been seeing someone about it, and i am making good progress with it.

 

Back to the GF now, she txt's me a couple weeks back asking me if I was ever going to see her dog again. As a background she had this dog which I treated like my own, I love dogs - he was my mate(i know sounds funny). I responded a few days later saying, I don't know and that I really don't want to get hurt again. Her response to that was, the dog and I are not going anywhere, so you should come and visit. I was like WTF is she doing to me, I didn't respond to that msg btw. Now just last week she sends another txt msg saying that she misses me and but she still needs her time. Again making me think WTF is going through her head.

 

As I said I would love a second chance with her, but I know that I still have my stuff to work on that I still need more time, I just don't get what her txt msgs mean. Is she being truthful, is she trying to play me, I just don't get it.

[samspade]

Hi, long time lurker. I have been reading alot posts some have been so helpful. Now, I would like to share my story and get some thoughts on it.

 

My GF left me 2 months ago after being together for 2.5 years. We loved each other dearly, we had the intent of spending our lives together. Her reason for leaving me was because I put this defensive wall up around me after being together for about 1 year or so. I shut her out, I became non communicative, I was quiet, i wasn't affectionate with her. I had insecurities, not with her, but with me. I became withdrawn and quiet, I lost all my confidence. She was quite aware of what was going on and desperately wanted me to bring the wall down and assured me that everything would be OK if i did so. The reason for this wall comes from my past. My father passed away when i was a teenager(I'm now in my early 30's). He was not only my father, but my best friend, people called me his shadow. It was very painful to deal with his death, more so have someone gone from my life. I put up this wall with the GF because I was scared to lose her one day, and go through the pain of losing someone very close to me, equating it to my situation from my past. Essentially, my wall didn't do me any good( i know logically makes no sense)but it only drove her away from me. I miss her so much and feel so dumb for shutting her out and becoming the way I did. I admit, I do wish for a second chance because I know I truly wasn't myself. After the breakup i knew I had to deal with this issue. I have been seeing someone about it, and i am making good progress with it.

 

Back to the GF now, she txt's me a couple weeks back asking me if I was ever going to see her dog again. As a background she had this dog which I treated like my own, I love dogs - he was my mate(i know sounds funny). I responded a few days later saying, I don't know and that I really don't want to get hurt again. Her response to that was, the dog and I are not going anywhere, so you should come and visit. I was like WTF is she doing to me, I didn't respond to that msg btw. Now just last week she sends another txt msg saying that she misses me and but she still needs her time. Again making me think WTF is going through her head.

 

As I said I would love a second chance with her, but I know that I still have my stuff to work on that I still need more time, I just don't get what her txt msgs mean. Is she being truthful, is she trying to play me, I just don't get it.

 

First, don't worry about what's going through her head. It doesn't matter.

 

Second, stop responding to her texts. Stop receiving them, if you can.

 

Third, take time for yourself and work on your insecurities. Insecurity in a relationship is the kiss of death for a man. It sucks that your father died, and I'm sorry about that, but think about this for a second. Your life went on after he passed. It will just as easily go on after any girl leaves you. You weren't born with her and you won't die without her. And it should remind you that tomorrow is a gift but not a given, so don't waste it wondering if your ex will come back. Go out and find a new woman who wants to be with you.