abbeyjayne Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Alright..so this is going to be a beast. This is a hard situation because all of the people involved are peer mentors so our hopes are to make everyone happy. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year. We have a group of four of us that always hang out. Lately, the one girl seems to have been asking for more of my boyfriends time and attention. He has three jobs so it is already hard for us to have our time. She has been taking bowling and tennis lessons...two of his favorite hobbies. And to me, I see it as an extra way she can hang out with him. I told him that I was feeling uncomfortable with the amount of time they were spending together, so he talked to her about it. It seemed things were slowing down but now it's back. She doesn't have relationship experience and she is very needy and dependent. And my boyfriend is the kind of guy that wants to save the world and have everyone be happy. So this girl continues to mope and be gloomy, but as soon as my boyfriend gives her attention she totally changes. Yesterday a bunch of our friends were going to hang out but it didn't seem like plans were coming together. Me and my boyfriend were still going to enjoy our time alone though. This girl ignored me when we parted ways and my boyfriend asked if we were fighting. He talked to her and she said she wanted to hang out with but she knew that I would get upset, which is true. Me and my boyfriend had a wonderful night together and when I got home I talked to her. She said that she doesn't know how to act or what do around us being it always makes me mad. I told her it upsets me how she flirts with him and how she insists on hanging out with him all the time. She told me that it made her feel uncomfortable when me and him would goof around together or hug...basically she feels uncomfortable with me acting the way I should with my boyfriend. I asked her why and she said she didn't know. I asked if she still liked him..because I am not stupid..and I can see. She said she did and she was honestly trying to lose those feelings. With her lack of experience I told her she was only hurting herself. Because I have never met anyone that was able to lose feelings for someone that they hung out with all the time or talked to everyday. I got pretty blunt with her because she needed to hear the point of how her actions were hurting herself and the relationship between me and my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend have both made pretty obvious changes to help the situation but she is continuing to be very needy of him. What to do?
2sure Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 She has told you she has feelings for your bf. She has told you that she is uncomfortable seeing you and your bf together acting like bf/gf. As though you were an interloper. She is pretty much saying that she is available should your bf feel he wants to choose her. Your bf apparently doesnt want to hurt her feelings, enjoys at least some of her attention and has not been straight forward in rejecting her. You cannot solve this problem. Only your bf can.
Author abbeyjayne Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 She is very manipulative and good at getting what she wants. She always plays the I'm sad card to get his attention. What advice should I give to him to help him get past her manipulations?
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 A man does not hang out with a woman that he does not want to hang out with. For some reason, he wants to hang out with her regardless of what he says to the contrary, or else he would have little trouble telling her to f-off since it is taking up his time and causing static in his relationship. You will need to find out that reason before you can get past this.
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