Author Angel78 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Thank you all for your advice. I've taken it all on board. Theres something in almost every msg that relates to what i'm thinking right now. I do believe he loves me and kids, I do think we could have worked things out if ow was not preggers. I can see his point of view that we are all he has here, however i'm hurt and angry that it is not enough to keep him from moving back to England. There will always be a doubt in my mind as to the exact reason why he is going back, some day I hope I will find out!! For now tho, I've sought legal advice, we will be getting a legal seperation, and moving on with both our lives. For me, it will be extremely hard to cope at first with 3 young kids to raise on my own only with the help of family and friends because he will only visit monthly or so. It is also horrible to think that at 31, I am in this mess anyway. I haveto face facts that when I am ready, that the prospects of not having a relationship for a very long time.....what man wants a seperated woman with 3 lots of young baggage?????
Author Angel78 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Stuckinoz::: Yes he was very angry that I was posting on a forum!! Can you even imagine the row it caused?.... the truth hurts as they say, when he read replies!!!
Thaddeus Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 what man wants a seperated woman with 3 lots of young baggage?????The world is full of attractive, unattached potential partners. For me personally, I would have no problem whatsoever dating a single mom.
Author Angel78 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 thanks Thaddeus, there's hope for me so!!!!!!
stuckinoz Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Thank you all for your advice. I've taken it all on board. Theres something in almost every msg that relates to what i'm thinking right now. I do believe he loves me and kids, I do think we could have worked things out if ow was not preggers. I can see his point of view that we are all he has here, however i'm hurt and angry that it is not enough to keep him from moving back to England. There will always be a doubt in my mind as to the exact reason why he is going back, some day I hope I will find out!! For now tho, I've sought legal advice, we will be getting a legal seperation, and moving on with both our lives. For me, it will be extremely hard to cope at first with 3 young kids to raise on my own only with the help of family and friends because he will only visit monthly or so. It is also horrible to think that at 31, I am in this mess anyway. I haveto face facts that when I am ready, that the prospects of not having a relationship for a very long time.....what man wants a seperated woman with 3 lots of young baggage????? I'm sorry you have to go thru this. Was Not that it's any consulation - but at 31 - you do have a lot of living left to do. Perhaps it's best that you let him move on now so that you can get on with your life. And YES - there are a lot of men out there that would want a woman with 3 kids - by the time you're ready to start dating - you'll see. Good Luck to you & consider yourself hugged - You're going to need lots of them in the months to come.
stuckinoz Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Thank you all for your advice. I've taken it all on board. Theres something in almost every msg that relates to what i'm thinking right now. I do believe he loves me and kids, I do think we could have worked things out if ow was not preggers. I can see his point of view that we are all he has here, however i'm hurt and angry that it is not enough to keep him from moving back to England. There will always be a doubt in my mind as to the exact reason why he is going back, some day I hope I will find out!! For now tho, I've sought legal advice, we will be getting a legal seperation, and moving on with both our lives. For me, it will be extremely hard to cope at first with 3 young kids to raise on my own only with the help of family and friends because he will only visit monthly or so. It is also horrible to think that at 31, I am in this mess anyway. I haveto face facts that when I am ready, that the prospects of not having a relationship for a very long time.....what man wants a seperated woman with 3 lots of young baggage????? I'm sorry you have to go thru this. Was it just us - or did he seem like an ass to you as well...... Not that it's any consolation - but at 31 - you are pretty young. Perhaps it's best that you let him move on now so that you can get on with your life. And YES - there are a lot of men out there that would want a woman with 3 kids - by the time you're ready to start dating - you'll see. Good Luck to you & consider yourself hugged - You're going to need lots of them in the months to come.
stuckinoz Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 .........sorry - accidently posted twice & wouldn't allow me to delete one. OOPS!!
Author Angel78 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 no problem, i just had to read it twice!! I don't know what to think any more, but yes, i'll be needing lots of tissues, lots of tlc and certainly lots of hugs. thank you for your time and effort to post replies, hopefully someday i'll be posting a thread to tell you all that i've gotten on wiht life and that i'm happy once again, ...who knows????
Darth Vader Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 no problem, i just had to read it twice!! I don't know what to think any more, but yes, i'll be needing lots of tissues, lots of tlc and certainly lots of hugs. thank you for your time and effort to post replies, hopefully someday i'll be posting a thread to tell you all that i've gotten on wiht life and that i'm happy once again, ...who knows???? Child support, file for the child support thingy while you do the separation thing. Very important!
cracer Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 he says he is leaving us because he cannot live over here around my family with them all knowing what he has done!! He says it would be too hard and that it would never work for us. I think that he is using this as an excuse to see this other women. did she also tell you she tried to kill her self and that she planned it so i would find her ................ and to leave 3 children behind just so i would live with the guilt of it all ...................you all are very good at givin advice when you only hear one side of the story .... who do you lot think you are have you nothing better to do with your sad little lifes ? from the big bad husband And who is a fault for that? No one decides to just off themselves for the hell of it. I'm sure YOU, big bad husband, probably had a hand in her decision to attempt that. Don't get mad cause your wife outed you.
Lucky_One Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Dead Big Bad Husband, I suspect your anger comes from the guilt you feel at somehow making your wife believe that you had a drunken ONS that resulted in a baby, instead of manning up and telling her that this was an ongoing affair and that you are moving closer to your mistress and unborn child. It's hard to understand your fury about your wife's attempted suicide; I would think that a man who was truly sorry for his actions would be contrite and heartsick, rather than angry. It almost makes it sound as though you were ticked that you would have 3 children to look after on your own. Good luck to you all, and I hope that the honesty and truth comes out soon.
Athena Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 My husband thinks it is for the best that he leave me , his 3 kids and Ireland to go back to England to where he is from. My life is ruined. I could have forgiven the one night stand thing, but not the consequence of it.?? Help!!! Hmmm sounds like MORE than just a ONS to me... sounds like a full blown love affair for a H to want to leave his W and kids for her... what's going on here, really? Do you even know? Don't just believe the 'first' thing/s he tells you, cuz it's gonna be LIES. Added: just read your second post where your H claims it's not for the OW he is leaving, but for the baby?! I call bs to his 'explanation'...he's leaving for HER... that's waay too early to go sit out a baby on it's way, esp since he has OTHER kids with you!!! Why not be a good dad to them now?
Athena Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Hi, That thought has crossed my mind a million times, and as when I kept asking about my suspicions of the initital fling, I keep asking the same question about this, " Do you want to be with her over there, are you , her and the baby going to play happy families?" To which he adamently replies that he has no intention of any such thing, he has no feelings for her at all, that his only connection to her now is the baby. I really do believe that hew still loves me, regrets what he has done and that he has no intention to be with her, however, perhaps you maybe right...... My guess is that they have been conducting an Emotional Affair for some time now, possibly with email, texts, cell phone calls, and possibly Facebook or something...time for you to dig around, and push your H to tell All.
Athena Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Your big bad H sounds narcissistic to me -- his extreme reaction of running away from the mess he created is consistent with a person suffering from a personality disorder called Narcissism (NPD)... a person such as he cannot BEAR to be seen as 'flawed'... which is why he feels he cannot stay in Ireland -- his home for the past nine years -- and face his in-laws... he is not only a cowardly custard, but a bad father! Who would desert THREE children he has supposedly loved for years, to run off from the wake of devastation he leaves behind him... thing is, he will be taking Himself with him to England, and the next mess will start there. Don't be sorry he is going. Since he cannot even begin to see his loss in terms of honour, love, commitment, truth, honesty, integrity, being a good father and a good husband and a decent man, let him the hell go! In 20 years time, and in 40 years and in 60 years HE will be referred to by unknown grandchildren and great-grandchildren as the 'my grandfather' had an affair, made his mistress pregnant, abandoned his children and wife and we never saw him again... we found out later he wound up a lonely alcoholic who drank himself to death. The legacy YOU will leave behind, wife of BigBadH, is a much happier one -- you meet a wonderful man who will love, honour and cherish you and will help raise your children as his own... THAT is the grandfather all the generations will remember as the real man.
Athena Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Also he shouldn't count his chicks before they hatch... it's still in the first trimester of pregnancy...
Athena Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 he says he is leaving us because he cannot live over here around my family with them all knowing what he has done!! He says it would be too hard and that it would never work for us. Whether he goes, or stays, THEY ARE STILL GONNA KNOW WHAT HE HAS DONE! The only way he can prove his character isn't all rotten, is to stay and put right this mess! It's not the fact that people make 'mistakes' that counts -- it's how they put them right, that matters!
Ariadne Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 My life is ruined. I could have forgiven the one night stand thing, but not the consequence of it.?? Help!!! If you love him, you are going to have to get over this too.
JackJack Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Child support, file for the child support thingy while you do the separation thing. Very important! Yep I second this. When I read you were going to try to move on, get the separation etc, I didn't see where you had mentioned child support. Child support for 3 kids should help you out some. Don't just let him go on off to England so he can go play house with the OW, he still should be financially responsible for the 3 he already has.
Author Angel78 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Thanks all. In Ireland, to get a legal seperation comes along with it a maintenance order. This will mean for the next 20 years til our daughter is 22 (if in college, if not then when she is 18) he is obliged to pay child support, after that the kids will have to do their own thing to get money from him. I don't think i mentioned ages of kids, 9, 4.5, 2.5 years, 2 boys and youngest a girl. He has to sign our house over to me in order for me to get financial help from the state and obviously we need somewher to live. So from this aspect, the kids should be ok financially, emotionally it's s different thing although they're dealing with things really well. So hopefully by the end of this there will be light at the end of this really long dark tunnel.
Author Angel78 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 For Athena:: I really don't believe she is pregnant and won't until she has it and has DNA test. I'm still waiting to here of an apparent miscarriage or something!! From a girl who gave birth to stillborn babies and a series of miscarriages ..... makes me wonder?!!!
Recommended Posts