hopefulguy Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 is it ever ok to snoop an ex's email? i know it is terribly wrong, but what if thats the only way of moving on? i want to find something that will tell me theres no hope. or maybe in the back of my head i want to find something that shows hope. I DONT KNOW i am a jerk for even thinking of doing this. i have been strong but lately i've been weak and i just want to know that i need to truly move on. have you guys ever done this and found hope or saw something that helped you move on even though it hurt? and even though its WRONG!
vring81 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I think its natural to want to snoop but from my first hand experience, DO NOT DO IT. It doesnt give any closure it just makes you feel worse if you find something and bring false hope if you dont.
Thaddeus Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I've never done it but I've had it done to me. The breaching of trust is massively hurtful. There was nothing for her to find other than some work-related stuff and a few things regarding a buddy's race car, but still... Vring81 is right. Don't. Just don't. Nothing positive can come out of it.
joseffrost Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Don't do it. It won't help and chances are you won't find anything you want to read. It's bad enough stumbling across their facebook and finding out how wonderful their new life is (or at least how wonderful they want to project their new life as being). This is just a recipe for disaster.
Sweetcheripie Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I agree - don't do it. It is stalkerish and creepy.
Author hopefulguy Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 i will take everyones advice because i love her and i would be hurt if someone did that to me, yall are right. and its just simply not right. but what if there maybe coversations with friends about what shes thinking about in the situation of us? what if there might be something like that as to how shes feeling about me? what her next move is? still dont? sorry im very stubborn and weak. im guessing she emails her friends about us.
Thaddeus Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 but what if there maybe coversations with friends about what shes thinking about in the situation of us? what if there might be something like that as to how shes feeling about me? what her next move is? still dont? sorry im very stubborn and weak. im guessing she emails her friends about us. Makes no difference what's in her emails or whatever. She's your ex. She's not part of your life anymore, and that's good. Doesn't make you weak, by the way. Curiosity is natural. But nothing good can come of snooping.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 What is with this wave of masochists lately..
Thaddeus Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 What is with this wave of masochists lately.. Something in the water, I suppose. Or perhaps Venus is in conjunction with Mars.
boogieboy Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 i will take everyones advice because i love her and i would be hurt if someone did that to me, yall are right. and its just simply not right. but what if there maybe coversations with friends about what shes thinking about in the situation of us? what if there might be something like that as to how shes feeling about me? what her next move is? still dont? sorry im very stubborn and weak. im guessing she emails her friends about us. First off... She broke up with you. She is NOT thinking about you right now. She is thinking about being free with her friends, or being with her new guy. She has no feelings for you anymore, she has moved on from you. Even if you looked at her email, you wont find anything with your name in it, which will make you think you need to look for more until you find something. Be strong, eventually you wondering what shes doing will go away, but you have to distract yourself until that happens. You will feel much better that you were able to do this cold turkey in the end, trust me on that.
Author hopefulguy Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 i appreciate everyones responses. but the situation is more complicated than you think. and its my fault for not telling you all the details. the reason i am curious as to snooping is because my friend talks to her and emails her and she told me my ex misses me and loves me still. with no disrespect to you, she does think about me but is going through things in her life that i understand. things have happened the past few days between her and i and i just want to know if anything has changed in the way shes thinking about us. but i already decided not to do it because its just wrong and disrespectful to her to do so.
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 take it from me dude if u wanna move on dont do it..i say a guys car over her house after some "recon" found out it was a guy and they had dinner and whatever else also was checkin phone records she was callin him at 4 in the morning so it hurt so bad i couldnt go to wrk just let go man it hurts and it doesnt mean that u want ever think about them but move forward and be strong.
schmopio Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Its best to always ask first - to see if they will give their honest feelings... I had to snoop to find out that the person who i thought was by boyfriend - sending me love notes and such sleeping with me 4 nights a week and found he was dating multiple people and sleeping with some.. but i regret not asking him to face to face if i was the only one first befor i found out..but i think he would have lied..
norajane Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 i just want to know if anything has changed in the way shes thinking about us. Don't you think she'd tell you if she wanted to get back together? It's not like she doesn't know you'd take her back in a heartbeat. It wouldn't do you any good to know what she's thinking if she doesn't actually want to get back together. I know you already said you wouldn't turn into a creepy stalker and hack into her email, so I'm just saying this to remind you that if she wanted to be with you, there is nothing stopping her. And if she doesn't want to get back together, prying into her private thoughts and discussions with her friends isn't going to make her want to get back together nor will it help you get over her.
Olylama Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Wow no one thinks it might be good to find out the truth? Well I do! If you want to know what is really going on wether it be hurtfull or hopefull then reading her private emails is the way to do it. I've done it and i prefer to know the truth over what she tells me or i can make up in my own mind. Ok so it was hard but i prefer to know in the end. And yes it helps in the moving on its quicker and less drawn out. All is fair in Love.
Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 i have obsessively snooped over social networking sites.. it will only cause you more pain and the only one u will torture is youself, you will only make yourself more hurt. i dug around for answers thinking 'oh if i find out my ex is seeing some1 else or i know what the hell he is playing at it will give me closure' but it wouldn't have, it would have opened up a can of worms that prob would have made me want to break no contact and confront him. i was like a woman possessed digging around for answers on the internet, i feel so pathetic now but atleast i have realized i'm better off not knowing. it's less painful, i'd rather not know now and just move on and try to forget, hopefully one day i'll not care and be indifferent to it
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