Author MistyK Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 But it IS a short time..And him swearing to you to make a life with you - HE may have meant it, but obviously he's having a harder time making that happen. He has to put his kids first and if he feels going back home is best for them, then he owes to his kids to try to salvage and fix his marriage with his wife. Sorry, I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but it is part of the reality of your situation. The thing is if he goes home, he won't work on the M. He told his W that he will not do counseling with her and if he goes home at all, it is for the kids only. She apprently is ok with this because she thinks he doesn't really mean that and he'll magically come to love her in time. So when he won't work on the M and will just be there in body, how does that help? In his mind, that makes it all better for the kids. I disagree. AND I think it's wildly unfair to the W. Plus, he;s already said that if he did this at all, it would only be until the kids get a little older. That's not a goal of working on the M, thats a goal of survival until the kids are adults and he doesn't have to battle for custody. Personally, I think it's way more disruptive to come back and then leave again, even if the kids are older by then.
pollswolls Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I used to frequent chat rooms....years ago & this guy sounds like the typical guy that would "hit on" women in chat rooms. Their scenarios would go like this......"I don't love my wife, we don't have sex, we are living as roommates, but I'm staying in my marriage for my kids & when they get older, then I'll leave" Trouble is..When the kids get older - It's just as, if not more difficult to bail on the marriage. Let's paint a picture.........IF he leaves his wife, let's say soon & comes to be with you, live with you - or whatever. Exclusively & no bouncing back & forth. Is this REALLY the kind of guy you'd settle for? I'm sure you've heard this one before BUT - My guess is...If he's cheating on his wife with you - the same thing will more likely than not happen to you. Then where will that leave you? I also think it's weird that you've been to counseling with him & his wife knows about you. Waddup with that? What's that say about HER?
jj33 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 It may be more disruptive it may be unfair but that is his choice. It his decision to make. The only way you have any chance of a future with this guy is to take yourself out of the equation and show him that his choice has real consequences (he cant have you both). Youve only been out of this for a very short period of time, its normal that you are second guessing yourself, just try not to do it with him. Let him know that you are not waiting around for him.
Author MistyK Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 It may be more disruptive it may be unfair but that is his choice. It his decision to make. Excellent point. I oughta tape that to my bathroom mirror. I have this thing about trying to save people from themselves. Time to stop.
Confused4Now Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Excellent point. I oughta tape that to my bathroom mirror. I have this thing about trying to save people from themselves. Time to stop. I think the situation makes you like that....you want them so bad in your life you are constantly giving them help. Yes you're right Time to stop. I did and it was hard.
Gamine Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Misty, you write that his wife and family is where he does his living and that you represent his 'desire'. His sexuality... his sexual partner. The one with whom he has his passion. His lust. Why is that fulfilling? Interpreted differently, he has his life for his living and he has you for his passion/sex... that giving either up would be incomprehensible because one without the other leaves him without something he desires. What do you desire? Do you wish to be more than a sexual outlet for a man who chooses to do his living somewhere else? The same question can be posed to his wife, who, if she actually knew the breadth and scope of what her husband was up to might be willing to cut him loose for you. You know he's married and you are sexual with him... she (the wife) does not know he is sexual with you. You know only that which he 'tells you' concerning his personal life and you judge your situation (and the validity of it) according to what you are told. I never trust any situation where verification is impossible. I would have to say this, MistyK. The key here is that either you have a cake eater who is intentionally extracting 'his' needs for pleasure and family life from two separate women, or... you have a man who neither you or his wife are enough for him. Maybe no one is. If I had a man who felt that neither woman, as individuals, were enough for him I'd have to face myself (and him) and realize that inasmuch as his wife isn't enough... neither was I as the affair partner. He is making a declaration that neither woman offers him what he is looking for. For me, I think we have found 'our person' when they fulfill all that we are seeking. What's next, MistyK? He'll add on another woman who is an excellent cook where he'll eat his meals, find another for a workout partner, etc... the list goes on. Some MM sound more like polygamists than cheaters if you ask me. They, by choice, wish to have women to fulfill precise urges or reasons rather than just plain loving them. This man may be an egotistical maniac in that he doesn't really care about the well being of any of the women he is involved with, but rather... only himself with his main priority being his own needs being met. That sounds very self serving. To cut off one leg means that he lets his wife loose whereby she can find another man who will share in his children... to cut off the other leg... being you... he claims to be losing his sexual outlet and his passion. As if he is the sole arbiter over the lives of two women and his children. A puppeteer. The commensurate user and exploiter. Wow. He doesn't sound like a very loving or devoted man... and the thing I couldn't stand would be that he couldn't see me as his potential life partner. In other words, why would he see being with you as suffering the loss of his wife.. if, in fact, he truly loves you? If neither of you float his boat then I think the 'just desserts' for him would have to be... to be dumped by both and set off on his journey on his own.
Author MistyK Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Gamine, It's not that passion = sex. That reduces our R to just sex and that just isn't so. He says he sees me more as his W than his W and wants to marry me. He said I am enough for him, but the problem is missing his kids and for whatever reason, in his mind the kids are a package deal with the W. He isn't going to miss her if they D, he's going to miss being with the kids every day, day in and day out. As he's been seperated for 4 months, he's already missing them and following through with the D would mean missing them permanently. In fairness though, he hasn't exercised his full visitation rights because it upsets his W. That's the emotional enmeshment that bothers me, and I suspect will still be there until some sort of emotional D takes place. So he hasn't even given it a chance to see what life is like being D from her because living like that would cause her to shut the door to come back on him. He's motivated by fear of loss. If I pull away, he makes moves away from W. When she starts shutting the door, he tells me he thinks of maybe going back. It's all fear and has nothing to do with what's best for anyone. But I do believe it's about his kids and not so much abotu her. If he really loved her, how could he consider going back to her with lies of wanting to reconcile, only to leave her again in a few years when the kids get older? He would sell her out for the kids (and me, by going back to her) because the kids are his priority. A small part of him sort of hopes she'll get hit by a bus so he can have it both ways - me and his kids with him all the time. Selfish and childish? Absolutely. He doesn't want her. I'm secure in that. But I worry that he'll be with her anyway because of the kids.
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 So when he won't work on the M and will just be there in body, how does that help? In his mind, that makes it all better for the kids. I disagree. AND I think it's wildly unfair to the W. Plus, he;s already said that if he did this at all, it would only be until the kids get a little older. That's not a goal of working on the M, thats a goal of survival until the kids are adults and he doesn't have to battle for custody. Personally, I think it's way more disruptive to come back and then leave again, even if the kids are older by then. The thing is Misty, you only know what he's told you - It may or may not be the truth. Either way, it's his decision and even though you think he's in the wrong, staying married for the wrong reasons, it's HIS marriage and that's the jist of it. He doesn't need to justify his reasons to you, nor do they have to make sense to you..Bottomline is, if he and his wife are OK with living together as mom and dad to their kids, then who's to tell them they're wrong? It may work. TONS of couples stay together for the kids sake and it doesn't always have to be bad and uncomfortable. Obviously they know eachother quite well and have a long history, so for the kids sake, they could make it work.
fooled once Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Misty, How do I say this without coming off as a total, unfeeling witch?? You are going to continue to put up with this. You will continue to believe that he just loves you so much and wants a life with you that you will continue to let him control you and manipulate you. When I say "playing you" I mean he is using you to a degree. He may, MAY, not be having sex with his wife and we all know men need sex. So he gets that and passion from you. And sure, you have so much in common, blah blah blah soul mates blah blah blah -- the same thing every OW feels with the MM she is dating. But in the end, he is still participating in a MARRIAGE with his wife. Sure, he can tell you that you are more of a wife and he can placate you with sweet words, promises, etc. But in the end -- he is still married to her. And you will continue to justify the way he treats you, defend his actions and stand by him for .... how many more years? How much more of your life are you going to allow to go by waiting for him to make a decision? Make a choice? Sorry, but I truly believe -- if he loved you, he would be with you. Of course it hurts to be away from kids, but fathers can STILL have a relationship with them. Doesn't your ex have a relationship with ya'll's kids? My H has a relationship with his kids and he has been divorced for 12+ years. You can't have it both ways. You can't be a married man 'for the sake of the kids' and have a girlfriend waiting in the wings. Sorry, but that is wrong, hurtful and selfish. Of COURSE his wife has issues with you. You say he tells her he loves you and wants to be with you -- and for some reason, she hasn't kicked him to the curb. I don't know a single woman who would 'tolerate' her husband telling her that and NOT taking action. Oh that's right - she did. SHE filed for divorce, right? But for some reason, he is still welcome in her home. How many women do you know who welcome their cheating spouse to her home? Come on Misty, he is playing with your heart (and I am not meaning being a 'player'). He DOES have the best of both worlds. You really have no idea of the intimate conversations they have had RECENTLY. Sure, you saw an email from how long ago? Maybe he explained it to his wife? Maybe they made up? I just hate to see any woman sitting and waiting around for a man who is married to make a decision. GEL had excellent advice. If you are serious about STOPPING this whole rollercoaster and wanting to get on with your life; you will quit accepting his calls, his emails, his visits. You would step back and NOT be his sounding board for his marital issues. You would step back and allow him the time he needs - ON HIS OWN - to come to whatever decision that is so hard for him to make. Step OUT of his life. Step OUT until he makes a FIRM decision and stay out until he has had time to heal (4-6 months minimum). I think you won't do that because if you do, he will stay with his wife. He will move back in. Quit cleaning up his house, cooking meals for him. He isn't a child of yours that you need to take care of. Where is the divorce? Has everything been signed? Is the only reason he moved this car because YOU made him? Is he only doing these things because you are threatening to leave? Is he doing ANYTHING on HIS OWN to show you that he wants a life with you - - besides telling you? I hate to see you hurting so much. I really do. I know you probably think I don't have a clue, I am just being harsh/hurtful/mean. I honestly think you have someone else out there for you. THIS is NOT the man for you and for some reason, you are clinging on for dear life, accepting crumbs from him. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. If it doesn't.......
Mino Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 The thing is if he goes home, he won't work on the M. He told his W that he will not do counseling with her and if he goes home at all, it is for the kids only. She apprently is ok with this because she thinks he doesn't really mean that and he'll magically come to love her in time. So when he won't work on the M and will just be there in body, how does that help? In his mind, that makes it all better for the kids. I disagree. AND I think it's wildly unfair to the W. Plus, he;s already said that if he did this at all, it would only be until the kids get a little older. That's not a goal of working on the M, thats a goal of survival until the kids are adults and he doesn't have to battle for custody. Personally, I think it's way more disruptive to come back and then leave again, even if the kids are older by then. Misty, your not going to like my suggestion, but I would say. SEND HIS AZZ HOME! Better yet call his w and tell her to pick his azz up:laugh:I I did that the second time mine moved out. The reason I say this is because if he is not 100% sure he can do this, imagine what the future will hold. The ic and his mc ( same person) told me that some mm have D the bs, married the OW and then YEARS later want to go back to the BS! Can you imagine what kind of mess that would be? I want my man to come to me with 100% conviction!! I need to know he is ok with being away from his child, and that he can handle it. If I think back on how many nights he just stared at the tv, depressed. How many times he got lost in his child picture, and how many times after he called his child everynight to say goodnight, his voice would choke up and I would see him wipe away his tears and run to the bathroom. It was awful, my heart hurt so much for him to see his pain. You really want to find out NOW if he has the strength. Our IC told us to do NC for the first 6 months after he moved out. This was for 3 reasons. 1) for him to heal and grieve the life he left behind 2) to kill off the A, since this was not a relationship built on a healthy foundation. 6 months down the road if all goes well, you can start a fresh R built on a healthy foundation. 3) These 6 months will really be the test. The test for himself, if he has the strength, the test if he really want this D, the test to see he has what it takes to move on. I know I thought the ic was crazy. In my mind I had to be there by his side, to comfort him. But that was the biggest mistake I made. Its not a pretty sight to see him torn up. You feel totally helpless, they withdraw into their shell. You try harder, you wear yourself out, you wonder what is wrong with you. You feel rejected. Pull back. Give him the time he needs. And sweetie, IF HE does go back, he would have gone back anyway. Wouldnt you rather know sooner then later? He needs 100 % conviction in himself in order for you to have a future.
Gamine Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Gamine, It's not that passion = sex. That reduces our R to just sex and that just isn't so. He says he sees me more as his W than his W and wants to marry me. He said I am enough for him, but the problem is missing his kids and for whatever reason, in his mind the kids are a package deal with the W. He isn't going to miss her if they D, he's going to miss being with the kids every day, day in and day out. As he's been seperated for 4 months, he's already missing them and following through with the D would mean missing them permanently. In fairness though, he hasn't exercised his full visitation rights because it upsets his W. That's the emotional enmeshment that bothers me, and I suspect will still be there until some sort of emotional D takes place. So he hasn't even given it a chance to see what life is like being D from her because living like that would cause her to shut the door to come back on him. He's motivated by fear of loss. If I pull away, he makes moves away from W. When she starts shutting the door, he tells me he thinks of maybe going back. It's all fear and has nothing to do with what's best for anyone. But I do believe it's about his kids and not so much abotu her. If he really loved her, how could he consider going back to her with lies of wanting to reconcile, only to leave her again in a few years when the kids get older? He would sell her out for the kids (and me, by going back to her) because the kids are his priority. A small part of him sort of hopes she'll get hit by a bus so he can have it both ways - me and his kids with him all the time. Selfish and childish? Absolutely. He doesn't want her. I'm secure in that. But I worry that he'll be with her anyway because of the kids. Hey MistyK, If I met a man who I fell head over heels for... he was the apple of my eye... etc... I'd be with him come hell or high water. So, I simply do not understand how... if in fact he truly loved you... making the break would be such a big deal. What bothers me about this guy is that it seems he is 'attached' to a family dynamic more so than just the kids and that is where this is problematic. The word attached carries ties that bind and that may be the case here. There are all sorts of custody options. My sister has joint/shared custody whereby her daughters are with her half of the week and with her ex the other half. There are all sorts of ways to make things work if that is what he truly wanted. It also concerns me that he uses the age old excuse "I'm staying married for the kids". It is almost engrained in the MM handbook somewhere in the excuse pocket guide for cake eaters. If he is already living apart from his wife, then making it legal shouldn't be something difficult for him. I'm wondering at this point whether he was kicked out by her and trying to inch his way back home. Can you verify what he is telling you?
Author MistyK Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 It also concerns me that he uses the age old excuse "I'm staying married for the kids". It is almost engrained in the MM handbook somewhere in the excuse pocket guide for cake eaters. If he is already living apart from his wife, then making it legal shouldn't be something difficult for him. I'm wondering at this point whether he was kicked out by her and trying to inch his way back home. Can you verify what he is telling you? Sure he could make it work. He isn't even exercising the visitation rights he agreed to as part of the D settlement because the kids are fighting him on it (because he waited 4 months to even try, because they put on a show of solidarity to prevent their mom from going off on them, etc). Again, still something he could work on, but it's hard for him. The kids melt him. I can verify some of it. When he left, it was a combo effort - he told her he was moving 3/1 and had signed a rental agreement, so on 3/1 she came to his office and threw his clothes all over the place. SHE filed for D. Obviously I can’t know what he says to her when I’m not around, but I have overheard a substantial amount of their phone calls and been privvy to a great number of their emails. As an aside, when we talked last night he said the divorce can't be final now until the end of August because it goes from the date of service. Which means, he lied to me AGAIN. When the W delayed service, this issue concerned me and he assured me it went from the date of filing, but service took another 30 days and only because he called W's lawyer to request he be served. I've been repeatedly referring to July 29 - (90 days from filing date) and he never corrected me and now that we're so close I find it funny that NOW he tells me a totally different story. GRRRR.
datura_noir Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Like others have said, you need to go NC with him for a period. No LC, no supportive calls, don't let him think that you will always be there for him. For crissakes, what is he, six years old? Taking the kids out of the picture for a moment.....if they were not in the picture, do you think he would fall back on the second oldest MM excuse-"I have to get my finances in order"? How about "I have to wait until the dog dies" (Yes, there was actually a poster on LS who was waiting for her MM's dog to die----the couple didn't even own property or have kids!!)
Author MistyK Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Like others have said, you need to go NC with him for a period. No LC, no supportive calls, don't let him think that you will always be there for him. For crissakes, what is he, six years old? Taking the kids out of the picture for a moment.....if they were not in the picture, do you think he would fall back on the second oldest MM excuse-"I have to get my finances in order"? How about "I have to wait until the dog dies" (Yes, there was actually a poster on LS who was waiting for her MM's dog to die----the couple didn't even own property or have kids!!) No, actually I think the next excuse for the enmeshment would be the one I hear from his holier-than-thou cleric cousin: His W has diabetes, she could DIE. Just the upset alone throw her sugars off. Or maybe it's the donuts she's always sucking down. But that's MM's fault too. He drives her to sh*tty eating habits she's had for 40 years. And hey, it's God will that they both suffer together, right? (MM struggles with religion and the idea that God hates him too). Seriously though, he claims it'd be a no-brainer without the kids. Everyone in his family and his therapist tend to agree, so I guess it must be so. BUT that isn't the situation, of course.
NoIDidn't Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Of COURSE his wife has issues with you. You say he tells her he loves you and wants to be with you -- and for some reason, she hasn't kicked him to the curb. I don't know a single woman who would 'tolerate' her husband telling her that and NOT taking action. Oh that's right - she did. SHE filed for divorce, right? But for some reason, he is still welcome in her home. How many women do you know who welcome their cheating spouse to her home? Come on Misty, he is playing with your heart (and I am not meaning being a 'player'). Fooled, I loved the entire post, but really this part. MistyK, your MM keeps bringing up his W to make you think things are so bad at home that he just NEEDS to keep you hanging on until he can make a final decision. But he's not likely to make a decision on his own. He is a SEVERE conflict avoider. He moves a car because you told him too. He got back into his W's sweet graces because he doesn't want the conflict with her either. It sounds to me like he does want a divorce, but he's going to end up being one of those men that loses everything all because he couldn't make a hard decision and stick to it. If he keeps playing with his W's heart, his kids will hate him and whatever he thought he was doing for them goes up in flames. Same thing with you. Your kids aren't going to like seeing him playing with your feelings as well. And how much more of this can your own heart take?
NoIDidn't Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 No, actually I think the next excuse for the enmeshment would be the one I hear from his holier-than-thou cleric cousin: His W has diabetes, she could DIE. Just the upset alone throw her sugars off. Or maybe it's the donuts she's always sucking down. But that's MM's fault too. He drives her to sh*tty eating habits she's had for 40 years. And hey, it's God will that they both suffer together, right? (MM struggles with religion and the idea that God hates him too). Seriously though, he claims it'd be a no-brainer without the kids. Everyone in his family and his therapist tend to agree, so I guess it must be so. BUT that isn't the situation, of course. Wow, total threadjack, but this explains her behavior perfectly. Unregulated blood sugar causes severe and extreme mood swings. That's why she ended up going crazy at your house. Medically, she could actually be considered "under the influence" to a certain degree. Back on subject, though, he's really being a shxt telling you her personal business like that. Its not your concern and he's only using it to make you feel sorry for HIM not the person with the health issue. Yuck.
Author MistyK Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Wow, total threadjack, but this explains her behavior perfectly. Unregulated blood sugar causes severe and extreme mood swings. That's why she ended up going crazy at your house. Medically, she could actually be considered "under the influence" to a certain degree. Back on subject, though, he's really being a shxt telling you her personal business like that. Its not your concern and he's only using it to make you feel sorry for HIM not the person with the health issue. Yuck. If it makes you feel any better, he tells her my personal business too, like why I got divorced from my H. And the W has cozied up to MM's aunt, who has cozied up to my former MIL, who is more than happy to report constantly about what a bi*ch she thinks i am. If I sneeze, the W makes sure she knows about it. But in fairness, the W's crappy eating habits are her biggest sugar problem and doesn't excuse her wackiness. That's like saying I get a free pass because I've been clinically depressed my whole life. Nope.
Author MistyK Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 It sounds to me like he does want a divorce, but he's going to end up being one of those men that loses everything all because he couldn't make a hard decision and stick to it. If he keeps playing with his W's heart, his kids will hate him and whatever he thought he was doing for them goes up in flames. Same thing with you. Your kids aren't going to like seeing him playing with your feelings as well. And how much more of this can your own heart take? Funny you should say this. Everyone says this to him and he believes it himself. He'll end up alone and his kids will hate him because he's being such a dumbas* about everything. Adn to answer your second question, not much.
SidLyon Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 ...(unless he no longer has obligation to his W - she'd have to be dead) ..... She has known for over a year (arguably longer, but that's when he finally got caught beyond doubt in an EA, she still refuses to believe PA, and he has vowed to never tell her the truth on that to "spare" her feelings.) She is unhappy, but yes, she will happily hang on forever. I believe it's pretty much a war of attrition - she has more to lose and knows she will hang on longer than me. She also believes that he will magically fall in love with her and feel as he does for me if I die tomorrow. . I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I just think that after all he's done to her and the fact that he swears to me that he will NEVER tell her the truth of the PA, she's wasting her life. ? . ...And sad to say, he does consider the idea that her health may catch up with her and he may get lucky before he gets too old. ... ...she thinks he doesn't really mean that and he'll magically come to love her in time. . His W has diabetes, she could DIE. ... Eeww.. MistyK you really worry me. You appear to be hoping that somehow his W will up and die just so you can have him. You say she doesn't know of your sexual relationship with her H so why wouldn't she have some hope of a marital reconciliation especially as by your own account he is not committing to you in any sort of a public way. Somehow or other you manage to convey your blame and criticism of her for believing her H about this. I try to avoid personal criticism but because nobody else has picked up on this in a big way I'll make an exception in your case. S
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 He isn't going to miss her if they D, he's going to miss being with the kids every day, day in and day out. As he's been seperated for 4 months, he's already missing them and following through with the D would mean missing them permanently. In fairness though, he hasn't exercised his full visitation rights because it upsets his W. That's the emotional enmeshment that bothers me, and I suspect will still be there until some sort of emotional D takes place. So he hasn't even given it a chance to see what life is like being D from her because living like that would cause her to shut the door to come back on him. You're fooling yourself if you think that he isn't going to miss her. And if you believe you are more a wife to him than his 'real' wife is, again, (sorry) you're fooling yourself. It's not that passion = sex. That reduces our R to just sex and that just isn't so. Just like his marriage..Right?
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 And sad to say, he does consider the idea that her health may catch up with her and he may get lucky before he gets too old. ... Are you saying that he is hoping/wishing that he is going to get lucky that she dies first so he won't have to divorce her? OMFG! Careful what you wish for. Keep in mind, this woman, his wife - Mother of his children - The woman who carried his kids, said vows to infront of family and friends - is hoping to get lucky that she will DIE so he won't have to be the bad guy. THIS GUY, you want to marry and start a life with? How he's treated her is how he is going to treat you one day...No respect for her whatsoever... It's SICK.
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 This guy is a liar, a cheater, a manipulator and if you choose to believe all that he's telling you, GOOD LUCK with that. Seriously.. Just don't blame it all on him when this goes south and he changes his mind, tells you he's not leaving, he can't or won't. You're choosing to believe a MM who is full of crap and VERY CRUEL, sick minded man.
Author MistyK Posted July 24, 2009 Author Posted July 24, 2009 You appear to be hoping that somehow his W will up and die just so you can have him. You say she doesn't know of your sexual relationship with her H so why wouldn't she have some hope of a marital reconciliation especially as by your own account he is not committing to you in any sort of a public way. Somehow or other you manage to convey your blame and criticism of her for believing her H about this. I try to avoid personal criticism but because nobody else has picked up on this in a big way I'll make an exception in your case. S No we've been public, so that just isn't true. Secondly, no I don't hope for her to die but admittedly I have absorbed inappropriate anger towards her because of all the Bullsh*t he feeds me. Just as BS's are VERY quick to criticize OW for not "seeing reality", she's being stupid for trusting him. I'm not going to apologize for that. We were BOTH stupid for trusting him.
Author MistyK Posted July 24, 2009 Author Posted July 24, 2009 Are you saying that he is hoping/wishing that he is going to get lucky that she dies first so he won't have to divorce her? OMFG! Careful what you wish for. Keep in mind, this woman, his wife - Mother of his children - The woman who carried his kids, said vows to infront of family and friends - is hoping to get lucky that she will DIE so he won't have to be the bad guy. THIS GUY, you want to marry and start a life with? How he's treated her is how he is going to treat you one day...No respect for her whatsoever... It's SICK. Yeah I know. I guess I push those thoughts out of my brain to reconcile him with the man i want him to be. Yuck.
SidLyon Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 No we've been public, so that just isn't true. Secondly, no I don't hope for her to die but admittedly I have absorbed inappropriate anger towards her because of all the Bullsh*t he feeds me. Just as BS's are VERY quick to criticize OW for not "seeing reality", she's being stupid for trusting him. I'm not going to apologize for that. We were BOTH stupid for trusting him. I thought you said that your intimate/sexual relationship is not public and that she doesn't know about it. IMO you haven't been "public" if she still doesn't know. You allude to her death so often that it's hard not to conclude that you are wishing for it - and that he is too perhaps. Your highly "inappropriate anger" appears to be your own. S
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