kaiser2001 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Hey all, Ok this is difficult for me to do but here it goes. I've recently started online dating with dismal results. I get a few profile views but no-one contacts me and the ladies I contact pretty much ignore me. I haven't had a single response and its getting pretty frustrating to say the least. As bit of a background to myself I'm a 30 year old virgin (10 years to go and they can make a movie about me, lol!) and I've never had a girlfriend (a few crappy first dates is about all). So online dating is pretty much my last hope so I'm going to give it my best shot before calling it quits (some people are probably meant to be single forever). So I thought I should get some feedback from the fine folk that frequent this forum. Please have a look at my profile below and give me your honest feedback. Feedback from both guys and gals are appreciated and please be honest and as brutal as you like (I'm a big boy so I can take it!). Also, what do you all think about using profile photos? I've put a couple of photos on my profile (that can be viewed by all) and I'm beginning to think they are not doing me any favours. Thanks in advance! About Me Male 30 Australia Ok, ok where to start? Beginning sounds good I guess. Well I'm a vet by profession so I guess that means I should love animals (and yes, yes of course I do!!). I'm a dog lover in particular (man's best friend after all) and I'm owned by a fantastic German Shepherd. Friends would describe me as easy going, uber-relaxed with an unusual sense of humour (some would say nutty but I beg to differ). I'm loyal and trustworthy to a fault and expect the same from the people I choose to surround myself with. I tend not to sweat the small stuff (water and a duck's back come to mind....). My main interests are riding my motorbike (it's why God created sunny days), reading (can't forget those rainy days), walking/jogging/sprinting with the dog, exercising and most recently cooking (yes I'll admit it, Masterchef has got me hooked). I generally like to stay fit and active but that must be balanced with couch potato days on occasion. Other than that traveling is a passion of mine and while I've done my fair share, it never seems to be enough. Oh, I'm also game to try anything new and exciting. Seeking Criteria This members seeking criteria does not match with yours. Members anywhere in Australia. Relationship with a female. Friendship with a female. Between 20 and 33 years of age. What I'm Looking For Pretty much looking for someone easy going and who doesn't take herself too seriously. Stimulating conversation is a must of course which goes hand in hand with some serious laughter so a sense of humour would also help. A desire to travel would earn serious kudos as I'd love to explore this fantastic planet with that special someone. What turns me off? Mainly a negative attitude - need not apply.
Art_Critic Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Ok, ok where to start? Beginning sounds good I guess. Well I'm a vet by profession so I guess that means I should love animals (and yes, yes of course I do!!). Between 20 and 33 years of age. What turns me off? Mainly a negative attitude - need not apply. These are the 3 areas that stick out to me.. Okay.. where to start ? sounds like you don't know what you want. Don't use words like "I guess" or " guess" make those sentences sound reassuring that you are grounded with what you actually do.. The part about the age you are looking for.. raise the age above 21..even as high as 25.. no girl wants to be with a guy that is looking for little girls and no disrepect intended for any person under the age of 21 but to someone in their 30's, 20 is a little girl. and drop the part about a negative attitude being a turn off.. every body has that turnoff in real life and by making it a part in your profile it is kinda.. well... negative.. Otherwise it sounds good.. Good luck
2sure Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I didnt see pictures but I can tell you one thing that might help. Its all great and you sound like a catch, at least to me ...but: Its the first paragraph. Its dull, to say the least. Most women are probably reading that and not continuing. Think of the first sentence as a place to put your advertising "hook". Make it stand out. Catch their interest. Is there a place on your profile for an ad "Title"? Write out veterinarian, instead of vet. I know it seems silly but some women, reading quickly , are thinking military vet and not reading further. Put the word successful in there somewhere. Think: Having achieved sucess and contentment professionally, I am ready to share the benefits of my life with someone.
Thaddeus Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Hi Kaiser. I've taken the liberty of making a few minor edits, so feel free to use or discard them as you see fit. About Me Male 30 Australia I'm a vet by profession so I guess that means love animals (and yes, yes of course I do!!). I'm a dog lover in particular (man's best friend after all) and I'm owned by a fantastic German Shepherd named _______________. Friends would describe me as easy going, uber-relaxed with an unusual sense of humour (some would say nutty but I beg to differ). I'm loyal and trustworthy to a fault and expect the same from the people I choose to surround myself with. I tend not to sweat the small stuff (water and a duck's back come to mind....). My main interests are riding my motorbike (it's why God created sunny days), reading (can't forget those rainy days), walking/jogging/sprinting with the dog, exercising and most recently cooking (yes I'll admit it, Masterchef has got me hooked). I generally like to stay fit and active but that must be balanced with couch potato days on occasion. Traveling is a passion of mine and while I've done my fair share, it never seems to be enough. I'm also game to try anything new and exciting. Seeking Criteria This members seeking criteria does not match with yours. Members anywhere in Australia. Relationship with a female. Friendship with a female. Between 20 and 33 years of age. What I'm Looking For Someone easy going and who doesn't take herself too seriously. Stimulating conversation is a must of course which goes hand in hand with some serious laughter so a sense of humour would also help. A desire to travel would earn serious kudos as I'd love to explore this fantastic planet with that special someone. Point is to delete some of the waffling ("Ok, ok where to start? Beginning sounds good I guess.") and personalize it by naming your dog. Hope this helps! *edited to add* I was editing this as Art Critic was writing his input. Seems that AC and I are pretty much on the same page.
Author kaiser2001 Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 Thanks for all your helpful replies, they are very much appreciated and I will implement the suggested changes. I wasn't sure if I should put my photos up here (bit embarrassed!) but I've decided it's probably a good idea so I can optimize my profile. My primary photo is the one of me standing up i.e. the first link. The others are photos that you can see after viewing my profile. I don't look quite that scary in real life! So I'm hoping to get some better photos taken soon. Again, your feedback would be greatly appreciated. http://www.flickr.com/photos/40616951@N05/3739272340/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/40616951@N05/3738479511/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/40616951@N05/3739272400/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/40616951@N05/3739272506/ Thanks!
Thaddeus Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Photos are perfectly fine. You're smiling, you seem to have a pleasant look about you and your eyes are clear (in the photos without sunglasses). Nice bike too. Betcha it goes like stink!
Art_Critic Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Photos are perfectly fine. You're smiling, you seem to have a pleasant look about you and your eyes are clear (in the photos without sunglasses). Nice bike too. Betcha it goes like stink! Totally agree..
2sure Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 The one on the bike is the best and really the only one you need. You look good and you look fun. The one in the dark shirt where your standing is also good. Ditch the one at the beach. Ditch it now.
Thaddeus Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Ditch the one at the beach. Ditch it now. What's wrong with the beach photo? Or do you think it's just too dark, seeing as he's mostly in the shade?
SummerSun Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Gosh, I really think all the advice is nit-picking, and of course personal preference. Personally (and this is MY opinion and actually stands for nothing - it is YOUR opinion that matters). I love your main profile pic, I would definitely say keep that as the main one. I also like the one of you on the beach as it shows you relaxed and having fun. In my personal opinion I like the one of the bike least - but don't remove it, the key is to have lots of photos that show you as you really are. Your original write up was absolutely fine, I think writing out veterinarian makes you sound a bit pompous in my opinion and well, I reckon that it is an American thing to view 'vet' as a forces veteran and seeing as you're outside the US then don't worry about it!! The best advice I can give is to not take any of it to heart. If someone doesn't reply then you are simply not their type. That's not right or wrong and we all look for different things - and have a good opening email that you tailor to make it personal to the other person's profile. Yep it takes time but it is worth the effort. And increase your numbers....if you are only targeting a couple here and there and get nothing back then you could get disheartened.....get searching and get adding! PS, I agree with the age thing. Don't go too young. I personally find that really off putting - and also I find it much more appealing when a guy puts his age 'mid-range' ie, you're 30 so go something like 24-35....
2sure Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I also think the profile is fine as is... But he isnt getting any responses, so something has to change.
SummerSun Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Yeah, I agree that if he's not getting any responses something has to change....and that could well be the 'type' and quantity he is contacting and getting no response from....which is why I think in the early stages you have to set your field quite large and then see who, or which type, shows an interest.
Sith Apprentice Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Your add sounds like a JAG (Just another guy). I've scored over 200 women on online dating sites and I didn't get them by being Mr. Nice Guy. Below is my add: Here is a well thought out idea of what kind of gal I am interested in...5' 5" or taller, but not over 6 feet (because while I don't mind being eye to eye with you, I won't ever be looking up to you), lives close enough to be at my house within 10 minutes after I make the call, genuinely passionate, intelligent enough to be good company, sexually available (preferably insatiable) and VERY attractive - we're talking Jessica Alba, Keyra Augustina attractive - women with a bodyfat percentage higher than 8% need not apply (hee hee, I'm so self-amusing). Must be employed but not so as you'll interfere with our sexual activities, FAMILY oriented, but only after you've hit 30-33, open to spontaneous sex (you know, like outdoor stuff or a surprise 3 way with one of your hot girlfriends after our 2nd martini), likes to camp (in the nude), knows not to complain when I go play golf with the guys from work. She must want children after 33 years of age if at all, and only after she's proven to be a good mother and faithful wife, must be a lady with class and know when the right time is to speak and not to speak, not a prude or b!tch, can take the first hint, sociable, unexpectedly calls to tell me she's wearing something new from Fredericks of Hollywood, understands that the best gift she can give me is expressing her desire to ***k me like a wild animal, and also understands that gifts for her are treats or rewards for desired behavior. Must be respectful of my decisions being final, can't take herself too seriously and thinks the world of me. I'm not interested in anyone over 30 (since this is most women's expiration date anyway), she cannot have exhorbitant spending habits or a credit debtload in excess of $1,000 since I do not plan on changing the lifestyle I have grown accustom to and hope to one day be able to send my own children to college, and furthermore... my children will be taught to reasonably earn their achievements on their own and respect the decisions of their father and mother (and absolutely will not be spoiled brats either). She should also know that not only are most pets abject money pits, but more often than not are adopted by women in order to give themselves something to occupy them rather than connecting with their husbands. I'm very attracted to redheads, blondes, brunettes, Latinos, Asians, African-Americans, Pacific Islanders, etc., pretty much any woman that meets my physical requirements. I am not attracted at all to even slightly fat women no matter how much "inner beauty" you think you may possess, sorry tee hee!
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I've scored over 200 women on online dating sites and I didn't get them by being Mr. Nice Guy. Below is my add: Ah, yeah right, suuuuuure you have.
Author kaiser2001 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Thanks guys for all your helpful feedback (yes even Sith Apprentice!) 2sure, thanks for the feedback but what don't you like about the beach photo? I'm getting a few mixed replies regarding that one; couple of my friends said it was fine (probably just being nice) whereas my brother said I looked like a skinny geek! (ahhh, don't you just love family?!) Summersun, thanks for the helpful advice, I'll definitely take it on board and start getting busy contacting more ladies! And the advice is definitely not nit-picking. I did ask for it after all and obviously what I'm doing is not working. Maybe it has more to do with how many people I'm contacting and the type rather then my profile per se (I've contacted maybe a dozen so far with no hits. And they definitely weren't models or anything - just girls I thought were interesting and that I thought looked nice). Sith Apprentice, I think you hit the nail on the head. My profile does sound like a JAG. I tried to tailor it to who I am and make it a bit different but obviously went wrong somewhere. Having said that, I refuse to write a profile like the one you have up - even if it will get me scores of ladies (which I find VERY hard to believe). I'd rather die a virgin then need to be a complete a**ehole in order to get ladies to sleep with me. Your ad is pretty disrespectful and I can only assume that there are a number of ladies with VERY low self esteem in order to fall for it. BUT you do have a point, girls don't go for nice guys. Its taken me a while to work it out but I'm certain of this now. Plenty of girls say they want a nice guy but they do the complete opposite. I think they just want nice guys for friends ("lets just be friends"...boy if I had a dollar for every time I heard that I'd head the BRW Top 200 list!!) Thanks again all and i'll let you know how it goes.
Thaddeus Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Its taken me a while to work it out but I'm certain of this now. Plenty of girls say they want a nice guy but they do the complete opposite.You just nailed it. Do you have ANY idea how insightful this is? Many men labor their entire lives without fully coming to terms with this reality. You may not realize it at the moment, but armed with this knowledge, you're light-years ahead of most other fellows your age. (PS: Do you race the bike? Or is it for street riding only? Just curious.)
IcemanJB Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Thaddeus is right. Simply knowing the things you've said puts you way ahead of most other guys. From the sounds of it, you seem like a genuine guy. I REALLY admire what you said about rather dying a virgin than manipulating women with ***hole behavior. That said, don't let the fact you have your v-card psych you out. Big deal, who cares? Just take it one step at a time; I'm sure it will happen, I can't see anything that would hold you back.
Author kaiser2001 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Hi Thaddeus, Yeah I've known it for a little while now but it hasn't really helped. Maybe because I'm still too nice to girls? I don't try to be "fake nice" its just how I am. I'm on my Ls at the moment so street riding only. The bike is a Honda VTR250 which is a great learners bike. Light and nimble enough to handle when you're learning but it has plenty of poke down low to get you out of trouble (or out of a corner when you're in the wrong gear!). Its great fun to ride and goes fast enough to keep me happy at this stage. I'm toying with the idea of racing when I get my full licence but not sure yet.
Thaddeus Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Yeah I've known it for a little while now but it hasn't really helped. Maybe because I'm still too nice to girls? I don't try to be "fake nice" its just how I am.Nothing at all wrong with being respectful and genuine. Just realize - though you already do - that women are attracted to a man with an edge. You've already got some of that working in your favour given you already know this information and you ride a bike. Chicks dig bikes! The other part of the equation is to not be too available. Nothing is more off-putting to a woman than a clingy, always-available man. So cultivate your own interests (like the bike, or whatever else that's in your life), take time with them, take time with your friends, and realize - again, you already do - that a romantic relationship is just one small part of a well-lived life. I'm on my Ls at the moment so street riding only. The bike is a Honda VTR250 which is a great learners bike. Light and nimble enough to handle when you're learning but it has plenty of poke down low to get you out of trouble (or out of a corner when you're in the wrong gear!). Its great fun to ride and goes fast enough to keep me happy at this stage. I'm toying with the idea of racing when I get my full licence but not sure yet.You're right, that is an excellent learner's bike. Enjoy! Get a few years riding under your leathers before hitting the track though. I'm sure there are good racing schools around you which that can be a gold mine of information and contacts. And now, back to our regularly-scheduled LoveShack...
bac Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Set your priorities. And go from them directly to your goal no matter what. Do you know what do you want? Do you want to stay a virgin? Do you want to get rid of that? Look at others profiles. They know what they want. For example, the age of female they are looking for 10 yrs younger and 10 yrs older at the same time. It is because they do not mind to have sex.
Soulmind Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Hmmm.. I don't get why you don't have any responses... I find your profile pic quite attractive! Don't give up! As well try to change dating websites, some websites have more "movement". Don't put your eggs in one basket, try to join clubs, go where the girls are...shopping, a pilates class..etc. but Still I insist, the right girl will find you. Just don't say to them that you never had a girlfriend or that you are virgin -nothing wrong with that!- but some girls maybe will question this as a negative. Good luck!
monkey00 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 BUT you do have a point, girls don't go for nice guys. Its taken me a while to work it out but I'm certain of this now. Plenty of girls say they want a nice guy but they do the complete opposite. I think they just want nice guys for friends ("lets just be friends"...boy if I had a dollar for every time I heard that I'd head the BRW Top 200 list!!) Thanks again all and i'll let you know how it goes. You're wrong, women do want a good/nice guy. Just not a boring doormat. And the ones that do are a bit controlling to begin with anyway, which I doubt you'd want to be with. Plus women around your age are more into stable men, the bad boy phase is long gone for most of these women. What I learned about online dating is this: #1 pics first...then if they like what they see, they go on to read #2 your profile #3 if they like both are just are friendly, they might write to you. However online dating is going to be hard for anyone. You will probably have better chances if you spam or message multiple women at once. And if that doesn't work, keep refining your profile until you do catch someone's attention. One last thing I'd like to nitpick about your profile is that you have too much () going on. Be coherent with your wants and thoughts - either say the whole sentence or leave out the part with (). But hey it's just down to personal preference. Good luck
Shygirl15 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 About Me Male 30 Australia Ok, ok where to start? Beginning sounds good I guess. Well I'm a vet by profession so I guess that means I should love animals (and yes, yes of course I do!!). I'm a dog lover in particular (man's best friend after all) and I'm owned by a fantastic German Shepherd. Friends would describe me as easy going, uber-relaxed with an unusual sense of humour (some would say nutty but I beg to differ). I'm loyal and trustworthy to a fault and expect the same from the people I choose to surround myself with. I tend not to sweat the small stuff (water and a duck's back come to mind....). My main interests are riding my motorbike (it's why God created sunny days), reading (can't forget those rainy days), walking/jogging/sprinting with the dog, exercising and most recently cooking (yes I'll admit it, Masterchef has got me hooked). I generally like to stay fit and active but that must be balanced with couch potato days on occasion. Other than that traveling is a passion of mine and while I've done my fair share, it never seems to be enough. Oh, I'm also game to try anything new and exciting. Seeking Criteria This members seeking criteria does not match with yours. Members anywhere in Australia. Relationship with a female. Friendship with a female. Between 20 and 33 years of age. What I'm Looking For Pretty much looking for someone easy going and who doesn't take herself too seriously. Stimulating conversation is a must of course which goes hand in hand with some serious laughter so a sense of humour would also help. A desire to travel would earn serious kudos as I'd love to explore this fantastic planet with that special someone. What turns me off? Mainly a negative attitude - need not apply. Too much unnecessary humor and it's not even funny. Kind of a trying-too-hard type of profile. Too long. The last sentence is more than enough for me to not respond. And I don't have a negative attitude. I don't know; I guess overall it's not the type of profile I would respond to.
rod_in_gtown Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Please don't take what I'm about to say as negative criticism. I mean it to be as constructive as it comes. Work a little more on the wording of your profile, it sounds like it has too many "cliche" phrases in it like "need not apply" "sweat the small stuff" "stimulating conversation is a must", they all seem to have been picked from sample profiles found around the net. Profiles are a good way to get your personality out there and from what I can read it just seems to be a little bit "canned". You should definitely put a little more about your profession. Veterinary is a great career and women love the fact that you care for living things. Don't use things like "guess" and "try", you want to come across as assertive. "I do" and "I like" are much better, like you know what you want (if you don't, fake it till you make it ), definitely sounds like you're a nice guy, but girls like a little bit of mystery, so let them find the nice in you on your dates, not on the profile. Most women think nice=boring. and that's just not true. Take some pictures with your dog and post them with the profile, and maybe even pictures with your friends smiling or having a good time, this tells her that you're social and not some sort of motorcycle-riding hermit. It would be great if you could get one of your co-workers to take a picture with you working with one of your patients, maybe one with a cute dog or cat (as long as you're not breaking any workplace rule about pictures and clients). Ditch the picture of you at the beach, nothing wrong with you in it, but more often than not, women don't want to see shirtless men on their dating profile. And if things go well, she can get to take your shirt off sooner than not. This one ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/40616951@N05/3738479511/ ) can also go. it doesn't add anything about you that the first one doesn't already do. The picture of the bike is great, I thought it was one of the newer ducatis at first glance. Very cool. I need to get one of me and my bike on my profile. Good luck with the online dating, it's rough out there.
Surfer Dude Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 The best online profile is no online profile. Go out to social settings and meat markets such as clubs and bars 4 times a week, approach 10 women a night and I guarantee you'll get laid within a week. Once you lose your V-card, you'll b able to relax and go about your business - looking for that perfect girl, a long term relationships or whatever it may be. Online sites are a waste of time. I know people who get laid from them, but their game is completely different from yours. They usually put up assh*le/jerk/bad boy/cocky profiles and they act consistent to the image they're conveying, and they contact dozens of women a day (it's numbers game). It seems like it's the only thing that truly works there. A friend of mine even used to lure women with money, and he'd screw them eventually, but they'd never see a dime of that money (which he never had lol). Can't say I advocate that, but hey... if it works, it works
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