3 months N/C! Great for me. Question about fantasizing and photos

[contax]

Background story - I left her out of anger cause she was hanging with this other guy. 3 days later she gets into a serious relationship with him. We were togther for over 5 years.

 

It's been 3 months since I picked up the phone cause she called me.

2 months since she emailed me and I didn't reply.

 

I have since went to New York City and Europe!

 

There were days even on vacation when I broke down. Waking up is the hardest because I have negative thoughts.

 

Today I fantasized about her. Sometimes I want to look at our photos and videos. I haven't done that for like 5 months - longer than the n/c. She has since looked at our photos, letters. So I feel it's better to leave it at her looking at them last, not me. But me adamently not looking feels like It still haunts me. Then the thought of me looking feels like I'm giving in, while shes with some dude.

 

I decided not to throw them out, but I did put them away in boxes.

 

It's challenging for me to forgive. I feel anger, hurt, fear some days.

 

I can't see how she can do that, and then I'm the one keeping the pain going.

 

My goal is to be completely healed from this break up. No anger, torture or pain and try to have fun and be happy during the healing process.

 

I have not cried about it now for like 3 weeks, that's progress for me.

[Thomas X Forever]

DON'T look at pics or videos. Oh god, no. That can set you back to day one.

 

I was NC for a few months, accidentally found pics of her I didn't realize I had. Hurt SO bad that I didn't even cry. Still, about 2 weeks later, I am ****ed over it.

[Exit]

Try to resist looking at the pictures and digging up memories until you are completely healed. It might be nice to look at them, but it won't really do you any good. There are things from my relationship that I'll certainly never throw in the trash, but right now it wouldn't be appropriate for me to look at them.

[Thomas X Forever]

I disagree with exit. Unless it's extremely expensive, throw EVERYTHING away. Don't hold onto anything, PERIOD. There's just NO point. There's no logic or psychology to why you would one day take pleasure in looking at something from a time you were with someone you lost and will never get back. It is masochistic, no matter the time in the future. I've heard every argument to why someone would do this, and its all fallacy and falls down to masochism. If you want to live in the past and be masochistic, then why wait? Look at the pics and other things right now; screw waiting.

 

If you are sane, then get rid of it. Throw it away. If it IS expensive, then try to get your money back.

 

Every pic, every note, every present, THROW IT AWAY or trade it in. Trust me.

[lostwithafuture]

I agree with Thomas here, just get rid of everything. If things dont work out between me and my girl I will be looking forward to burining everything she has given me and emailing her the pictures just because I am angry with her and want her to feel some pain too.

[Thomas X Forever]

Yeah, lost, do it.

 

When my first gf and me broke up, I grabbed the bear she bought me from build a bear. Everytime you squeeze it, it said "I love you Thomas X <last name>". I grabbed a knife, and that bear hasn't been singing since. MUCH better off than saving it.

[contax]

Thanks for the comments.

 

That's the thing see. I think still being angry at it all is masochistic. Forgiving and being able to look at it and not be phased is on point.

In a way.

 

Check this. I do creative work. It's the digital age, so alot of our photos are on data discs I have to get back to for info. I would have to go through 60 discs, delete the photos, and make new ones without the

pics.

 

As of now, I don't go back to the discs, but I did a few months back. Ran across a photo and was not phased. I glanced at it accidently and kept going. I deleted her off facebook and myspace long time ago.

 

Thomas I see what your saying about it being masochistic and even torturous. You said you took a knife to a teddy bear. That's a little extreme lol.

 

As of now. I am clean. As in I have not purposely looked at her photos for over 5 months.

 

Based on this info, I plan on throwing away physical photos down the line.

 

Today I woke up and thought about her and him again. Then I thought, why am I spending so much energy on this?

 

I just want her out of my head. I'm doing everything - n/c, exercise, not dwelling, grieving when I feel it.

 

I have faith that she will be out of my head soon. Or when the time comes.

[moo]

I threw every single picture I had of him away...ripped them up. I felt that one day I would regret that, but I believed at the time it was the best thing. I'm glad I did it. I destroyed every email too. It's just better that way. If I did not do those things, I would be reading emails and looking at pictures and crying. As I mentioned before in another thread, there was no need to throw any presents away. In a year, the only thing he ever gave me was two e-cards. That was it. I wish along with the emails and the pictures, I could have put him in the trash.

[NopeNah]

I still have pictures of ex's I dated in college. Almost like a "trophy case", if you will. Once you're completly over them it's nice to look back on your life's memories...some good some bad but, that's who you were and how you got to where you are today.

[contax]

I still have pictures of ex's I dated in college. Almost like a "trophy case", if you will. Once you're completly over them it's nice to look back on your life's memories...some good some bad but, that's who you were and how you got to where you are today.

 

 

That's what I was thinking in a way. I can look at old photos of exes and I really don't care anymore. I don't though. Right now, I'm deciding not to. If I come by them accidently in the future, it's whatever. Not intentionally though. Thanks!

[broken_promises]

Everyone is different... I guess that sometimes frustrates me about advice, dating books, etc. Everyone processes grief differently. So, for some people, throwing out photos, burning love letters, etc. is cathartic and for other people, it feels like you are destroying a part of your past.

 

I have kept one little box of momentos from my past relationships. They are at my mother's house and I think I've looked in them one or two times total. When I have, it is more like looking at any other family photos of someone who has died or reading notes from a friend from high school that you no longer have in your life. You might have a little sadness, but overall - it is just a nostalgic piece of your past.

 

Basically, you have to do what feels right to you. There is no one "right" way to get over a breakup psychologically and that includes what you decide to do with your photos and such.