Charlemagne Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Hey guys, I can't decide what to do with my situation. There's a girl who graduated from the same university as me couple of weeks ago. We were in the same group most of the time and I think she is very cute and we have so much in common. I know she has some feelings for me, but I'm not sure about the kind and intensity of these feelings. She is always very warm, caring, and seems to be around me all the time. But here is the problem. Since I've graduted from the university I went back to my town which is 2h of driving from her town, and I'm going to study in two month's time even further, about 5h... I'm not sure whether it is worth our time, effort etc. Distance is one thing, her feelings are the second. What would you do?
lizzy_09 Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 What would you do? If I were in your place and I weigh my options, first - you'd have to consider that you'll be studying in a place that is very far from her, you'll be investing in a relationship that you hardly have time to nurture for it to grow. second - the only thing you can count on is each others word for it and that is thru e-mails, chat rooms, calls and text messages. third - the only good stuff about LDR is that once you've had time to see each other, it feels great. It would probably be best if you stayed friends. Keep in touch and who knows maybe your paths will cross someday. If she's still available as you are, then maybe you'd try to check it out if its still there. Just don't expect to much of it.
Author Charlemagne Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Thank you lizzy for your answer. The fact is LDR is not what I expect from a healthy relationship. In my opinion it's not worth the time, the effort, and results are much lower than your input into the relationship. This is the first thing. Additionally I would like to focus on my studies first, I know how important it's to me at this moment and LDR with troubles, longing etc. may only hurt my learning process. She's a great woman but with all this circumstances this doesn't look like it will end well. Too many fish in the sea. As you said, maybe I will just make friends with her. She has birthday July 29, so I will invite her for a coffee, and then she promised to see me in Warsaw. Maybe someday love will find us. Who knows.
Els Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Why not just hang out with her and see how it goes? If it does work out, LDRs aren't impossible, assuming you both are really compatible and on the same page in regards to such things. If it doesn't work out, you've lost nothing. And you're putting the cart before the horse anyways.
lizzy_09 Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 I would like to focus on my studies first, I know how important it's to me at this moment and LDR with troubles, longing etc. may only hurt my learning process. Then focus on your priorities. Ever watched that Ryan Reynold's movie "Definitely, Maybe"? It's kind of a chick flick though you can try to relate on that. She's a great woman but with all this circumstances this doesn't look like it will end well. Too many fish in the sea.I totally agree. Sometimes, it's hard to be sincere since you don't know if she has developed certain feelings for somebody closer to home and your not sure if she's totally honest with you since your trying so hard to strengthen that bond you've got with her. As you said, maybe I will just make friends with her. She has birthday July 29, so I will invite her for a coffee, and then she promised to see me in Warsaw.That's great. I think it's best that you'd stay in contact but without totally expecting much of each other, knowing the possibilities, and ending up destroying what you'd have right at this moment if it doesn't work out the way you've both planned. Just check out Ryan Reynold's movie "Definitely, Maybe".
Author Charlemagne Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 Why not just hang out with her and see how it goes? To be honest it's not so easy. We are both quite busy and this additional 2 x 2h that I have to add to this meeting only makes things worse. Of course I'm going to visit her but realistically I don't believe that we can meet more than 3 times this summer. ------ Lizzy you are completely right about priorities, but after my last break up, finding a right girlfriend was supposed to be my top priority But is it a right girlfriend? I feel that if she was closer to me maybe it would work out, but concerning actual conditions I'm rather pessimistic. With my last gf it was LD kind of thing and I know how it's painful. I'm afraid that I can't handle it anymore. I haven't watched "Definitely, Maybe" yet but I will see it tonight and maybe get some insight.
lizzy_09 Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Lizzy you are completely right about priorities, but after my last break up, finding a right girlfriend was supposed to be my top priority But is it a right girlfriend? I feel that if she was closer to me maybe it would work out, but concerning actual conditions I'm rather pessimistic. Nobody can predict what tomorrow brings. I can't even tell if one would meet somebody unexpectedly at a university campus that you'd really really like. Life has always many infinite possibilities. But I believe that it has also a way of getting back at us. As I said, build your destiny first, then who knows, paths might cross. Or your meant for somebody better who'd manage to work with you and forge a better bond. With my last gf it was LD kind of thing and I know how it's painful. I'm afraid that I can't handle it anymore.Your the only one who knows yourself better. What your capable of and what you think you can't manage. This is the advantage of an adult, we know who we are, what we want of a relationship and how we try to work out our differences with other people. I haven't watched "Definitely, Maybe" yet but I will see it tonight and maybe get some insight.It's really more about his journey to self discovery and finding true love.
boogieboy Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Dont bother. Read the long distance forums first before you jump into such a thing.
Author Charlemagne Posted July 24, 2009 Author Posted July 24, 2009 You're great, wise guys. Thank you for helping me realize a lot of things. It's not the kind of relationship that I would like to develop. I will be studying at 2 universities from monday till sunday and I'm going to study in either USA or Japan in one years time. There's also a family who needs me. LDR will not survive. At this point in my life getting involved with this kind of relationship doesn't make any sense. Now I know. Thank you.
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