lizzy44134 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 first off i m single mom-andi have no family to talk to.I am very shy and timid so i usually only do things with my child and i cant work rite now cuz of a depression issue.This guy fr three years stole my heart and has been ling tome and cheating for the past 2 years.the first yr was incredibally awesome,but the past two yrs have been hurting myheart and my soul.i call him ,we talk,we get back to gehter for a week,than he dissapears for a week or two or three.i never know why.i know where he lives,ive been there many of times slep thtere ,me and my child and go over there when he does want me in his life.he tells me he loves me one night for like a week than i ask him for help of any kind and he tells me to go fimd another man who caan help me.but than he tells me things like if i ever go with a nother man he will leave me or that will be the end of us.I love him so much that i t hurts me and destroying me.tonight i cried in fron t of my ten yr old and she began to cry.she knows he isnt rite for me and i feel guilty cuz i spend the weekend with him.now sunday late nighti cant sleep cuz after he drove me home-i called him an hour later and his reply was(WHAT DO U WANT)i was in tears,i was like well im just calling u to sayhi and that i love u.he said (well dont call me i will call u)than he hung up on me.i called him back and was in tears,again he said (WHAT) i said k..,please why r u doing this again,we just spent the weekend togehter and now u r telling me not to call u.please dont do this to me again.my heart canttake this.I said please me and my daughter want to come over ,he just hung up on me.After getting a sitter all weekend long once again,to be with him he has destroyed my hear t again.this has been going on for the past 2 years.i cant seem to get over him,i try to think of all the ugly things he does and say s to me,but i feel like such a fool cuz i love him.how do i lethim go and gethim to feel bad for hurting me.all i want is forhim to see how badley he has hurt me and to tell me he is sorry.actuaally thast waht he does every three months and i fall for it.he has my name tatood on his chest form when we first met.we went to a bar this past,and he acts all jealous and says everything i want ot hear,but doesnt make me feel loved anymore.than when i tell hin that i dont feel he loves and cares for me,he hangs up the phone and tells me not to call him anymore that he doesnt want to hear me.i ask him for 20.00 for gas money and he tells me he has no money,but et,he is 40 and has a job and drives all day on hism.c.and trucj and dissapears for week ends and i know he is just playing me,please help me to get over him.i constantley have nite mares of him being with another women and wake up sweting todeath.he turns his phone off when i try to ccall him and talk.than i beging to let him go for a week,but than he calls me 2-3 weeks later and tells me he wants to see me and that he loves me adnt hat he wants me to get hisname tatood on mybody someplace.please.i try to keep myself busy and not think of him,i even got my cell number changed,but i gave in and text him .I keep thinking that he will realise that i am a good person and that i lovehim truelly with all of myheart and that he will fianlly tell me that he is sorry and mean it.this past weekend sucked with him,i fwltso ugly and ignored itt was sickening.he didnthug me one time,he didnt kiss me one time,he jsut was so distance from me,than when he dropped me off at home sunday evening,he went to kiss me bye ,at this poing my heart was so tore up cuz of how he treated me.i couldnt smile like always. i called him up an hour later and he tells me basically thanku for the weekend,ill call u.dont call me.I have been up all night cring and broken up.i am very cute and attratcive and guys try talking to me through u the weekdays,and i never talk to them cuz i know that he would use that as the end and tell me to fu...off.i feel trapped by a man who doesnt even love me ,why?please i need to gethim out of my and head and heart,but how?im scared.i feel cheated,i feellike a fool.cuz i went back to him again,even after my daughter had told me mommy dont go back withhim.but i do-cuz i dont have anyone else to help me.
moo Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Lizzy, listen to me....you HAVE to be strong...if not for you, then for your daughter. She is so young and impressionable. If you continue to stay in a relationship like this or have other relationships like this in the future, she is going to grow up thinking it's okay and normal to be treated like crap by men. So, that's number one. Here's number two, you have to fix yourself...you can't fix him, but you can fix you. If your depression is really bad, and it sound like it is, seek therapy. Your family doctor can put you on depression medication if it is needed. Number three, what exactly do you need help with? It sounds like money is one of them. Have you gone to social services? What else do you need help with? You have to pull yourself together and get help for yourself. I know that being in a relationship that breaks you can really pull you down. There have been plenty of days that I spent in bed because of the bad relationship I just got out of. But I don't have kids. You do. So it is even more important that you pull yourself up, starting today, for the sake of your child. I'm sorry you are in pain. It sounds like there is something wrong with this man. You don't need this butt wipe. You CAN live without this man. YOU CAN DO IT, but you may need some help along the way.
Author lizzy44134 Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 thanku moo,i know that i must stay srong for my daughter andi appreciate your words.iv e been to a counselor about him ,and i told her i havent been seeing him,cuz she would be pretty mad at me.as far as my deoression goes,i didnt begain to get depressed untill last year and she also sais its cuz of some things in my life,but i can still work.i just been stuck depressed over him.i do suffer from anxiety though and am on medication for it.as far as depression,i know that if i could just let him go,i wouldnt be so depressed.yes i have alot of problems cuz i have no body to talk to and or help me,her dad isnt around at al and all i have is my mom,but she's physically disabled.another thing,i was up all night criyng over him and i goofed up again and called him as soon as i woke up.again,he didnt anser or call me back.now what?i just cant help but feel used and abused by him.i want him to show me that he loves me,like he tells me every other week,or 2 weeks.it hurts so deeply that i am itimate with him and he doesnt call me.when we r togehter he treats me so unkind,why canti get him out of my head?y do i keep falling for him each time he calls me after like 2 or 3 weeks of nothearig from him.see,one thing is,i havent been intimate with any other guy other than my daughters dad and now i feel like i belong to him or like he belongs to me.he tells me when we r intimate that *if i ever sleep with another guy he will kick their but*he makes me tell him that i love him when we r being intimate.than as i say,after we r togehr,he dissapears for days,weeks.than i get upset and leave him voice mail with words how i feel.than he finally returns my call and tells me never ever to call him or contact him because of what i had said in my voice mail.than i call him and cry and explain to him,the resaon i said those things is cuz u havent ansered me or called me back in days and im upset and hurt after u had just told me that u were in love with me and wanted me and my daughter in ur life and that i better not be or go out with any other man.well i am feeling confused once again.But i do know that i must let him go for the sake of my daughter.at times i sneak out wiht him cuz i know she doesnt want me to see him.i know i need to let him go,but what i want to know is will he ever regret loosing me or anything.?cuz i am ,not to sound conceted,a fun and kind,gentle women who is attractive as i ve told by others and i have only been intimate to this guy and i want him to feel guilty of what he is doing to me. its also that when he does call me,he does and says what maes me feel special.how do i get him to love me like a normal person.i keep tellingmyself that he will change.i was even thwer for him a couple months ago,he was in hospitol for a week.i went there to see him.when i found out he was there,just 2 days after being with him for a week.he didnt call me and let me know,a mtutal friend told me.when he got home from the hospitol,he told me that he didnt call me to tell me he was in there cuz he didnt want me to go up there to c him.u know after i am tyong this,i feel realy stupid,it almost seems like he has somone else and is hididng me from her,but how is that possible,when he picks me up and i stay over there at his house.and also when we do go out,he takes me far away like away from where we live-this now is kinda making me wonder and its hurting me to think he has somone else when my god,ive been sleeping with him and he tells me not to be with any other guy
boogieboy Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 No one can help you, but you. What are you afraid will happen if you stop talking to him to move on with your life? Im pretty sure if you get away from him, your depression will go away when you find someone who treats you like you want to be treated. Keep in mind, if you keep going like this, you might ruin your thinking for a future healthy relationship. So you have to stop this now.
moo Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Hi Lizzy. You shouldn't be afraid to tell your councelor that you are still seeing him. Your councelor should be non-judgemental. If you are afraid you councelor will be mad at you, perhaps you should see someone else that you can trust more. If you really think that you can trust your councelor, but are just anixous about it, maybe you should try telling your councelor. Another thing...Lizzy, I'm not really sure what you need help with. Can you list the things that you need help with? Is there a coworker that you trust? There may be some anxiety group or depression group or a group that helps people with bad relationships. You can call the hospital near you to see if they run depression or anixety groups. You are very isolated. You need to be around people who can help you. I'm going to give you this number. This is a number for a depression hotline. 630-482-9696 You don't have to be suicidal to talk to them. They don't spend a lot of time on the phone because so many people call, but you can spend some time with them on the phone. I have used this number several times when I felt so bad and needed someone to talk to. I don't think there is someone there late at night or on weekends, but someone is definitely there now.
robinincarolina Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 You can't possibly have any self value to tolerate this kind of behavior in a man. That is not love sweetie, not even close. A man that loves you will walk throught the gates of hell for you. He will drop everything when you need him. You have to work on your self esteem, it is very low. Its a long hard process but it can be done. I have been there too, but never ever will I go back to being treated like that again. I know what its like to have a man walk beside you proud that you are his, I know what is like for him to drop everything for you if you are in a bind, I know what its like when they hold you at night and tell you they love you and still mean it in the morning. Your heart is a precious thing and you should hold it and only give it to those who will not drop it. He drops it over and over, no wonder you are so broken. His behavior is not that of an emotionally stable man. If a man talked to me like that I would knock him off his feet. You deserve better. Your daughter deserves better. Do it for her, do it for you. It will take time to heal, but heal you will and you will be stronger when you get to the other side. You should be laughing, not crying. Run girl, run for the hills.
moo Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 When I was with my ex, I knew my self-esteem went down, but I did not know how far it went down until he left me and I looked at how I acted in the relationship and what I was so willing to accept. I accepted SOOOO much from him. It is only after reading self-help material, reflecting, journaling, therapy, that I realized how REALLY bad he treated me and how I made excuses for everything. One day, you will look back on that idiot and you will ask yourself "why did I ever stay with him for that long?" What others have posted here is correct. Your self esteem is down very low and it's going to take time to pull it back up, but you have to take the first step. He's NOT going to help you. He's not going to heal you. He will only make it worse. That is something my roommate had to tell me over and over again because I could not believe that that man who said he loved me would treat me so badly. Well he did. He just did. He did in the relationship. He did when he left me. My eyes are so much clearer now. You can't see straight because you are in the thick of things. When you get some emotional distance and physical distance from this man, you will see things more clearly.
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