Cora Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Sometimes I just don't get it and it's very frustrating at times. I don't care what anyone says.....dating is hard work and quite emotionally draining. Well, that's the case for me at least. First of all you have to go through the process of finding someone who is at least suitable to date. I'm talking about those who aren't just looking for the casual fling or hookup. I'm talking about a REAL date aka dinner and a movie or something. Maybe I have a problem, but guys I meet out in public don't give me the time of day, barely look my way etc.. Or else they are already taken and not available. I'm done with the whole online thing. That is a joke in and of itself because the majority of the guys on there are looking for sex. It does not even matter if on your dating profile you have posted that you are looking for long term potential. You still get contacted by all the sex crazed men who lie their pants off just to get into yours! If by some miracle I happen to find a decent enough guy, one in which is looking for more than just a casual encounter and who wants to take me out on a REAL date, it only ends up with one or two dates before they become uninterested. It's like what the hell am I doing wrong? Is dating really this hard? Once they disappear on me because of uninterest, the whole process starts again until I find that one in a million guy who wants to date me. I have to go through all that trouble just to get to this point...the point where a guy wants to take me out. This is not even accounting for the fact that we may not be compatible! Jeeze, I have never even made it to that point yet. That would really be a miracle if I made it that far! Hell, making it to the third date would be extraordinary for me. This just makes me come to the conclusion that it has to be me. I must be doing something wrong, giving off the wrong vibes etc.. Maybe I'm too shy, possibly not interesting enough, not attractive enough etc. etc. The list could really go on and on. I'm not sure anymore. I honestly don't enjoy attracting the wrong kind of guys. It's just that the right kind of guys are either uninterested or taken. It's exhausting!
Thaddeus Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I can relate, Cora. Though my experience with online dating wasn't as grim as yours, it is difficult finding someone that's compatible and has similar interests. The "right" kind of women are married/otherwise taken (and I refuse to get involved with someone who's already spoken for) or play for the other team. The rest seem to be gold-diggers, loaded with tons and tons of unwashed baggage or I just don't find them physically attractive. But I'm not giving up though. Not yet, anyway.
Lindarose84 Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Believe me Cora- I hear ya! Which is why I'm currently on my dating sabbatical. Dating really is frustrating and it's way too emotionally draining which is why I'm taking a time out to focus on my career and just doing things I like to do. I think dating has definitely changed with the current generation- it's hard to find someone interested in more than just sex. What happened to the days of hand holding on the first date and then working your way up to a kiss or a hug on the second date? What happened to the days when guys would pick you up at 7 and take you to a nice dinner where you two laughed and shared stories and maybe went for a walk afterward where he proceeds to take you home and, if he's lucky, gets a kiss goodnight as he promises to call the next day (and actually means it!). Now it's meeting at a bar for drinks, getting drunk and ending the night with sex. That's a date??? Dating has become a game- it has lost all sense of romance and the allure of getting to know another human being. It is no longer enjoyable to me which means I need to step away for a bit. I think you need to as well. It's nice to come on LS and read about the dating stories (and disasters) of others and know that my single life is looking mighty good right now. I educate myself more on more on what I will and will not accept from a guy from folks here on LS which means when I do start dating again, I won't allow myself to fall into the traps I've succumbed to so easily before which led to my own dating disasters. Btw Cora, I think it's great that you're even discussing the aspect of dating because it means maybe you're ready to explore other avenues outside of the dude we've been speaking about. I think the best thing to do is not to throw yourself back into the dating game but rather to take a break altogether and allow yourself time to get over that guy and then take stock of what you want in a potential life partner so that you don't make the same mistakes over and over again.
Author Cora Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 I agree, dating is not what it used to be. I remember when I was a little girl and my babysitter would come over to watch my brother and I. She would tell me stories about her and her boyfriend, how they met etc.. She would mention how he was taking her out that night to dinner and then a night of bowling etc. He would come pick her up and sometimes he would just come over to our house when she was over babysitting just to see her because he missed her. She would go outside to talk to him and I remember sneaking over to the window to watch as they smooched away haha. They are married now and have two little boys. I also have a lot of older cousins who I remember going out on actual dates when they were my age. That is how I thought dating should be. What the hell happened? It's like once I got old enough to date, it has turned into something completely different! It seems times have changed. I'm not saying there aren't good guys still out there, they are just a lot harder to find these days it seems. No longer are things simple. Dating is no longer sweet and exciting. It seems to be more casual and at a much faster pace than before. Linda: No, I am not ready to date again, and I agree with you that I just need to sit back awhile and take a break. I'm still waiting to hear back from this grad school I applied to. So if that works out, I will be starting in a couple of months and that will keep me more than busy! I also may be starting a new job soon if everything works out so it's not as if I will have all this time on my hands to just be bored and miserable! Thank goodness! Yes, it hurts that I continued making the same mistake with that guy, but I refuse to sit and pine away over someone who did not give a damn about me. That is just pure and utter foolishness! I look at my friends who have these wonderful, caring guys and I say to myself, that is what I want someday! If they can find them they gotta be out there right? I just need to do my own thing for awhile and stop worrying so much about finding someone. They will come when they come. The time just isn't right now. The sooner I see and acknowledge that the better. Dating should be fun right? Not exhausting and emotionally draining! When it gets like that it's time for a BREAK! Thanks for the advice!
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