romanticgator Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I recently found out my gf of 8 months made out with 1 or 2 guys when she was in miami for a bachelorette party about 3 months into our relationship. Here are the facts: 2 days before she left we had a very serious argument for a mistake I had made so she was not completely happy with me at the time. Never the less, we were still in love and communicated the entire weekend telling one another how much we loved each other. She claims, and I believe her, that she was so drunk she did not even remember kissing everyone. I found out because the guy informed me a week ago what had happened. When I confronted her she denied even knowing it happened and acted like that was the first time she had heard of it even though I knew her friends had told her what she had done the next day. After a very serious argument, she finally admitted that her friends had told her and advised her not to tell me because it was a meaningless make out that she didn't remember and was unimportant. She CLAIMS she was scared to tell me even when I confronted her because she had already lied. For the entire time we've been together I've told her honesty is all I care about and I would respect her more for having told me she made a mistake. My dilemma is this, I have experienced this with a past gf before. Is this just something all girls do? Deny things and not talk about them bc in their mind it was meaningless and pointless? Can't admit to something they've done wrong? She tells me now she finally gets it - i just want her to be open with me. She has told me that so many times before though that I don't know why now should be any different. She claims that was the only time she did something like that to me and I believe her. I'm not sure what I am supposed to do because I had planned on moving with her in a month. She had been very good to me besides this and having a hard time admitting somethings from her past. Should I just forgive her? She says she totally respects me and won't do something like that again but if it does happen she knows now to tell me. I just don't know if I can believe that because part of me still thinks if it's something she felt was harmless (i.e. being so drunk she doesn't remember) and I would never find out about it, she still wouldn't tell me. That's my biggest question, is it unreasonable to expect a girl to be that open? I have no problem with her making mistakes, everyone is human, and i am EXTREMELY understanding - I just care that she respects me enough to tell me. (That is a point I've made clear to her so many times and I'm just extremely frustrated by what's happened because I would have forgiven her if she just told me). Now I think that she can just do something like this and not be guilty about it with me, what will she do in the future? Sorry about the long post, just really frustrated.
Exit Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Her and her friends are not in the position to say what's harmless and what isn't. She knew what she did and if she respected you, she would have told you. As far as her saying that she "gets it now" and never wants to do something like that again, it's going to be realllly hard to tell if she means it or not. I would really want to have a long talk with her. Sit down and say look, we're planning on moving in together soon, and that's a big step, and in order to do that, we have to trust each other. Because if something happens after you move in, then you have the awkward situation of living together, trying to get out of a lease, etc. Tell her you would rather have the honest truth, and if she feels that she can't stay faithful, then you don't want to get into the mess of living together. It's really your call. You need to stare into her eyes when she makes these promises to you and try to decipher if there's any truth in there. No, this is not something all girls do. If you can't hold your liquor well enough to know if you're making out with another guy, then you shouldn't be drinking. If you decide to walk away, you should not feel guilty. All you can do is make a judgment call and try to figure out if you really believe her. Hiding something for 5 months is cowardly and shows that she is not willing to communicate. Being scared of your reaction is no reason not to tell you, she deserved to be scared. Just because something difficult comes up doesn't mean you ignore the issue completely. Does that sound like the type of person who is ready to handle the challenges and responsibilities of living together?
mark982 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 if you take her back,and you don't think this will happen again. buddy you have problems. she showed her true colors,RUN.
moo Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I wouldn't say girls normally do that...every one is different. Some are very honest. Some lie because they lie to get over on people. Some lie because they are scared. Some like because they simply dont' know how to communicate effectively and truthfully. Just like men, some women are good, some are bad.
boogieboy Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 You should have yelled at her to make her feel guilty, thats what she is used to, she wont respect you now that you forgave her. Plus I wonder what other things shes done that she hasnt told you about... Run brotha, run!!
NopeNah Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I'd see if she can accept the truth....That it's OVER!!
Thomas X Forever Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 The only girl who ever cheated on me, waited 6 months to tell me. Then she finally did, and asked if I would forgive her, because she'd never, ever do it again. I told her to go die. She won't change. (I'm talking about both your and my girl).
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