bitteorca Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I'm having a rubbish time today. I want to talk to her. I have nothing else to say though and I'm sure she doesn't either. I just want to talk to her again, I really miss her. Its like I've taken two steps back in the healing process. I went out last night and got drunk, and I always feel really sad the next day about our split and want to talk to her. I don't know whether alcohol induces the blues the next day or sumthin, or whether going out really proves that I am single and she's actually not in my life any more. What a horrible realisation
Sbrizio Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Hey bitteorca, i will not say you "contact her" or "no keep NC at all costs". Only you can judge for youself. BUT, i will tell you what i did in my case and how i feel: After 3 weeks of NC, i sent her a letter (email, actually). I needed to contact her, i was feeling very bad, but from the other side, trying to figure out what to tell her and why to contact her, o could only come out with a simple truth: to tell her that i still had feelings for her. So i wrote this, trying to be as honest and clear as possible. She has not replied since then. What does that mean? It probably means that she is not in the same plane i'm living now. It means that she is actively trying to make the best out of her life (and maybe she's already making it) whereas i'm here thinking to her and us, and why, and if. She is probably feeling bad for me to be still attached to her. But she is not replying which means that she believes that she made the right choice. As for me, i made the best thing i could at the moment: state how i was feeling. Has this destroyed any possibility between us? I don't believe so (nor i believe there was any). Have i lost my dignity? No, i've been honest, not manipulative, clear. I've not begged nor pined. Do i feel bad? Yes, exactly as before contacting her. It's her absence who kills me. And contact or no contact, she's not coming back as i would like it to be. I feel for you. The best i can say is: try to figure out what you could (would) tell her, and judge if this conversation is likely to bring you anywhere better than you are now. Keep strong.
Author bitteorca Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Thanks Sbrizio I too wrote her a letter, pretty soon (about 2 weeks) after she said she didn't think we should go back out again. I'm glad I did this. I wrote what I had been feeling for her for the past 3.5 years and how I felt now, and stated that I knew where I went wrong etc. I think it was important for her to know, even if it was over. Like I have said in previous posts, I feel no resentment for her because of our situation, she hasn't done a bad thing at all. I just don't like her decision, but thats not so say its not the right one. idk. I agree with you. Contacting her now, when I feel the same, and she knows how I feel, would do me no good. It would just make me worse, and nothing would come out of it. She obviously needs to be without me now. Whether she will change her mind is unknown, even to her. I need to keep strong and give her what she wants. I need to respect her decision. Thanks
Nedved Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Hello bitteorca. Sorry i did'nt reply to your last post on another thread. I've been sick in bed all weekend. The only thing i can say about being sick is that it took my mind off my ex Sounds like your having a rough day? I'm so sorry to hear that. I agree that you have to do what feels right to you. I know its not easy not talking to her, texting her, seeing her etc. Its so hard especially when there's somebody else sitting in your seat. In my opinion contacting her now won't do you any good. its not the right time. There's to much emmotion there but as i said you have to do what feels right to you. In the other thread you asked me was my ex physically beautiful and yes she was. Like your ex she could turn heads but with her scandanvian looks but she was flawed inside in many ways also. Looks are'nt everything. Everybody hurts no matter what they look like. Hang in there my friend. You've done very well so far. just keep posting here everytime you need a rant or to let it all out. There's an irish singer called 'Glen hansard' and he has a lovely song called 'broken all the way down'. I listened to it on youtube today and nearly cracked up. LOL Summed up how i feel. We're all in the same situation bitteorca. Your not alone here. be strong.
Author bitteorca Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Thanks Nedved I hope you're ok now? Sorry to hear you've been ill Yeah I don't think contacting her will do any good, so I haven't. Just a weak moment. I just wanted to talk to her, just to chat about anything, probably a sign its not 100% sunk in yet She's a good girl, she hasn't done anything wrong, and I just miss her I know looks aren't everything. And I know I sound shallow. I think the main point was that I know she will be able to move on very quickly if she chooses, and will be able to have a good pick of the bunch! I should really think positively about it though shouldn't I!? I've had a great 3.5 years with a very attractive lady. Plus, its not like she has fallen out of love with me, or stopped fancying me, or found someone new whilst she was with me. So, technically, my ego shouldn't be bruised. I wish I thought like this all the time! Hope your ok
adamt Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I get urges to contact the ex, probably out of frustration that i want it all to go away or be fixed and get back to normal. It just feels hard to understand that someone who is into you 2 months earlier and wanting to build a future can suddenly break up with you. I just tell myself that the the girl that dumped me and in the months leading upto it is not the same girl i spent most of the relationship with. The old girlfriend has gone forever. For what ever reason she changed and lost feelings for me. I miss the girl i knew 12 months ago but not really the one in the last 4 months of the relationship who was becoming selfish. I wont contact her because i want to save my self respect and dont want her and her friends have the opportunity to laugh at my expense.I also assume she has moved on.
Nedved Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I agree Adamt. Its hard to believe a person can change so much. I feel the same with my ex. the girl i knew is gone and i miss her so much. Its like she went and never said goodbye. I d'ont know the new person anymore and that was'nt the person i fell in love with. For me focusing on the way she was before we broke up is easier. I rather think of her as cold than the kind person she once was. Still dose'nt stop me thinking of what might have been though. Good for you not contacting her and either way i'm sure and hope they won't laugh about you. I think you've been through enough and i'm sure she'l want you to be happy. Thanks bitteorca i'm fine now. I think all the constant thinking and changes i've had to go through over the last few weeks since the break up took its toll. I'm gonna look after myself better now. I agree with you and yes you had a few good years with a beautiful girl. You've tasted love with a much sought after female. Its one way of looking at it. I know though the heart still wants her and its difficult to focus on being positive. I find the weeekends the hardest. I'm bored going out to clubs and coming home alone to an empty bedroom drunk. Its the drink that depresses us the next day. Today is the 1st sunday since i broke up that i d'ont have a hangover and i was'nt depressed.
adamt Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Its hard to understand how someone can throw away 3 years without trying to sort things out and happily walks away and seems to wipe you out of their life with no contact. As if you never existed. But no way will i let myself down and make contact.
joseffrost Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Its hard to understand how someone can throw away 3 years without trying to sort things out and happily walks away and seems to wipe you out of their life with no contact. As if you never existed. But no way will i let myself down and make contact. It is very hard, and for the first few weeks I was so confused and wanted to call her every day too. But having spent a bit of time on here, I now know that what I went through isn't that uncommon. OP, stay strong and resist the urge. I was in a terrible place just over a week ago, but it's now been over 2 weeks since I last spoke to her and I feel so much better for it.
Sbrizio Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 If one thing is conforting, in facts, is to realize that we're not alone in experiencing the same kind of pain, the same kind of temptations, the same weaknesses. Also, to realize that this happens in the life of everyone, and that what, in our minds, seems would never pass, will be over. Bitteorca, this morning i have been to struck (due to external causes) by the sudden realization you were describing. I've spent a horrible morning and i feel just slighlty better now. Don't resist this pain, it will pass. It's US trying desperately to attach ourselves to some memories of the past. It's us resisting the need to look forward because the future is so uncertain in our current mindstate if compared to our past. But, in reality, once the pain will be recovered, the future will not seem dark and desperate, it will look bright and full of potential. I remember the days i was seeing things this way. We'll be back there. If we don't hold grasp on dead relics.
Author bitteorca Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 Don't resist this pain, it will pass. It's US trying desperately to attach ourselves to some memories of the past. It's us resisting the need to look forward because the future is so uncertain in our current mindstate if compared to our past. But, in reality, once the pain will be recovered, the future will not seem dark and desperate, it will look bright and full of potential. Wise words! This is what a break-up is I suppose, its a break-up from the past, and not necessarily a break-up of the present. We hold on to the memories of good times and how it used to be, even if that is not the case any more. I don't think my ex has changed terribly, I think she is just doing what she see's as right (if you look at my previous posts and back-story you can probably see it from her point of view), but it doesn't make it feel any better. I think we have to think as positively as we can in a bad scenario. Things will brighten up for us. I'm here sat on LS writing down my perceived miseries, but what if I was to meet a really great girl next week? My mindset might change completely, I might even think that my ex has made a good decision, for both of us. We just need to struggle through the rough whilst it is rough, but keep in mind that it won't be rough forever. Keep plucking out the little positives that we get. I got a smile from a STUNNING girl yesterday. It's nothing, but the point is life still exists, and life will go on! I hope you're all keeping well
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