bunset Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Been 3 years since I was OW/WS. I still carry a torch for OM, but want nothing more than for him to be happy. His D-Day sparked his W to call me and email me to demand NC. He painfully submitted to her request to save his family/marriage. I let mine continue into Hell. While mourning NC I confessed to my H. Found no sympathy (go figure ) My BS/H wanted to threaten and intimidate xMM, problem was xMM was already NC. So I took the anger and hatred due. Not well, I might add. Now 3 yrs later I type the 'confession' that I dare not speak or let H know. I would love to have contact w/xMM, but he's a good guy, keeping up his end of the deal to keep marriage intact and strong. He's invisible man. I care about him and his family, so I just like to see what his 16-17 yo daughter's up to on social networking. I see she is not keeping her underage self private, but I'm glad to see all is cool. One day, she writes stuff in her blog that rings alarm bells to me (she even posted her telephone #). I can't contact her parents, because: #1 I will be breaking NC #2 I will appear as stalker. #3 I don't believe all kids really need full parental monitoring, nor that all teen problems can be solved by panicked parents. So I do stupid thing and send an email offering kid counseling by my friend who is a pro at teen counseling in the areas kid writes about. If she creeps out over my contact, reports a strange adult, she may close the one window into her distress. Really, I only want to hand off to my friend, who knows nothing of my past stupidities. Kid doesn't need to know about her Dad's A, but I gotta explain why I know what I do and why I'm alarmed. So I explain the following: I screwed up my chances to be friends w/her family because I was attracted to her Dad and mistakenly believed that his marriage was flawed. That her Dad, with Mom's support requested that I break contact etc. That's all. I explained I was the error-maker but that the consequences of the error don't automatically make me not care. Well, she did do the right thing and beefed up privacy of her stuff and talked to her Mom. Then Mom gets back to me and rattles off riot act. Nasty email in same tone as before, 3 years ago! I am NOT the bad guy. I pose no threat to what you all have now. Why does giving a Damn make things bad? It's not like I said "Say Hi to your Dad for me." I am not capable of just forgetting and not caring. Anyway, I've gone all NC. I hope this keeps the kid a bit more protected, but without causing damage. More selfishly, I hope it doesn't get back to my H. I fear the BS egos are still fragile. I know my H still feels like I'll do it again, but fact is, just 'cause I like and care about the xMM, doesn't mean I'm gonna dump my H. The whole "We don't need you to care. We have everything we need already" and "Your kind of care is not welcome" attitude is flawed and seems to come from a place of paranoia. We cannot live fearing an offer of a hand up when we trip. We're all bound to miss the good parts of what we had, before. That doesn't diminish what we have now! Geeze! Do any of us ever heal? This does serve as an example of what not to do, but I still believe we don't have to destroy ourselves because we make mistakes.
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 You crossed the line and honestly, contacting his daughter, looking at her facebook page was/is WRONG. MM wife, kids are NONE of your business or concern and the only good thing that came of this, his daughter's fb is now private so you can't peek in on it. You ARE the bad guy, maybe your intentions weren't, but to his wife and even to him, contacting their daughter IS breaking NC in some form as I think you knew deep down that she would tell her parents, atleast her mom. Maybe your husband should find out, I'm sure he would be upset and confused as to why on earth you would be looking at exMM's daughter's facebook page to begin with. And yes, his ego is probably still shaken. FOCUS on healing and forgetting completely about exMM and his life. pose no threat to what you all have now. But HOW are they, especially his wife, to know this? I mean, what if exMM had contacted you in some form, your husband WOULD feel threatened. Don't you think? Sorry if my post has come off harsh, it's just that I believe that you shouldn't be concerned or even looking into exMM's life, let alone his daughters life, even if it is displayed on facebook.
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I know my H still feels like I'll do it again Then don't give him any reason to worry. If he does find out about this, he will think the worst and wonder what you're up to again. Focus on making your husband feel loved, special and needed. Show him in actions as well as in words that HE is the one you love and are concerned and care about, not the exMM and his daughter.
fooled once Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 You crossed the line and honestly, contacting his daughter, looking at her facebook page was/is WRONG. MM wife, kids are NONE of your business or concern and the only good thing that came of this, his daughter's fb is now private so you can't peek in on it. You ARE the bad guy, maybe your intentions weren't, but to his wife and even to him, contacting their daughter IS breaking NC in some form as I think you knew deep down that she would tell her parents, atleast her mom. Maybe your husband should find out, I'm sure he would be upset and confused as to why on earth you would be looking at exMM's daughter's facebook page to begin with. And yes, his ego is probably still shaken. FOCUS on healing and forgetting completely about exMM and his life. But HOW are they, especially his wife, to know this? I mean, what if exMM had contacted you in some form, your husband WOULD feel threatened. Don't you think? Sorry if my post has come off harsh, it's just that I believe that you shouldn't be concerned or even looking into exMM's life, let alone his daughters life, even if it is displayed on facebook. I agree - their family is none of your business. MOST kids brag and lie on Facebook. When you were a kid, didn't you 'hide' things from your parents? What kid didn't? Doesn't make it right, but HIS daughter will have to learn about life the way we all did -- by making mistakes and learning from them. Stay away from him, his wife and his family. Focus on your own life. And did you really think there would be an end date to your spouses suffering from what you did? He may never get over it. But it seems like, since he is still with you, he has chosen to try to get over it. But by you reaching out to a child that is none of your concern (and really, you are only looking at her stuff to get a glimpse of what is going on in his life) you are still wanting him and NOT moving on. I think you should tell your spouse what you have done. HONESTY is the only way you will ever build a true, trusting foundation again.
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I would love to have contact w/xMM, but he's a good guy, keeping up his end of the deal to keep marriage intact and strong. He's invisible man. All the more reason why I do wonder if you contacting their daughter had hidden motives. Maybe in hopes that HE would've been the one to contact you and not his wife? You even said it, he's an invisible man..You know nothing of his life anymore and maybe curosity got the best of you..
hopesndreams Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I am NOT the bad guy. I pose no threat to what you all have now. You still have the hots for this guy and yes, that makes you a threat to him and his family. How long is it going to take you to give up on him? You say you are working on your M but how can that be when you are searching for any kind of info on him and his family? He's gone. He is history. Why are you doing this yourself? Work on your self-esteem issues and quit making excuses by looking out for his young daughter when anyone with any bit of sense can see right through that charade. Geeze! Do any of us ever heal? Not as long as he is first and foremost in your mind.
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Not as long as he is first and foremost in your mind. Hopes is right. Fact is, his daughter or any thought of exMM at all should NOT be in your mind. He shouldn't exist in your mind anymore .. And if you do find yourself thinking of him, missing him, loving him - STOP and refocus - Remember the pain you caused your husband, the betrayal, the lies, all of it. THAT and the fact your husband gave you another chance.. What's more important? Hanging onto the past or rebuilding the future with your husband?
Author bunset Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 First and foremost... Stop assuming someone who made a mistake before will do it again. Whatever you do, don't let an alcoholics see there's beer around One more time for those that didn't read my first post more than once- I'm not sorry I made contact. The minor child was publicly posting about things that indicated she needed some HELP. I did not hack into anything. When you do a search on the internet and someone you know is connected to it, there is no harm in clicking the link. I didn't search for xMM, or his daughter. It was a pleasant coincidence. I know she has a good relationship with her Mom, but that does NOT preclude risky behavior on the child's part. Mom is now aware of the risky behavior and I am not continuing the contact. I am not deluded into thinking no one else could help the girl, I am saying that I was on the spot. I am not interested in continuing or starting an affair with anyone. I only told the girl who I was because I am not a criminal and I refuse to play spy games. If your kid tripped and fell, and your PITA jerk ex-whatever walked by and never helped or looked back, what would you think? I picked her up and dusted her off, and now that Mom has arrived, I can go on my merry way. We needed be judgmental, here. Besides, what does that accomplish? I tell the story as a cautionary tale and cogitative fodder. I'm not here to whine, nor judge, I suggest the same to others.
Author bunset Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Hopes is right. Fact is, his daughter or any thought of exMM at all should NOT be in your mind. He shouldn't exist in your mind anymore .. And if you do find yourself thinking of him, missing him, loving him - STOP and refocus - Remember the pain you caused your husband, the betrayal, the lies, all of it. THAT and the fact your husband gave you another chance.. What's more important? Hanging onto the past or rebuilding the future with your husband? That is all magical thinking. I suppose I should forget when my late exH birthday is, since we've been D'd 19 years and he's been deceased nearly 11. If I told my H, "today my x would have been 44" he'd give me a totally weird look for expressing the fact that I miss an old friend and am sorry the world doesn't have him any longer. Now what do you think he'd say if I told him I feared xMM's daughter may do something to harm herself?
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 There's a BIG difference between an exhusband and ex-lover from an affair!! Apples and oranges! First and foremost... Stop assuming someone who made a mistake before will do it again. Whatever you do, don't let an alcoholics see there's beer around I know my H still feels like I'll do it again, but fact is, just 'cause I like and care about the xMM, doesn't mean I'm gonna dump my H. Noone is assuming, you said your HUSBAND would, not us. Only person you need to be concerned about is him. And, some alcholics cannot BE around any booze, depending where they are in their sobriety. I'm not sorry I made contact. The minor child was publicly posting about things that indicated she needed some HELP. I did not hack into anything. I doubt your husband would feel this way. If you don't feel you didn't do anything wrong, then tell him what you've done! Tell him you did it out of concern for the exMM's daughter. See how he reacts. Another thing, you don't know WHAT goes on in their house, so for all you know, her parents could be aware of issues with their daughter. IT wasn't up to you to interfer, no matter what your motives were. Now what do you think he'd say if I told him I feared xMM's daughter may do something to harm herself? He would probably feel for the poor girl, but tell you it wasn't and isn't any of your business, that you should not have been snooping and looking at her facebook page to begin with. I am not deluded into thinking no one else could help the girl, I am saying that I was on the spot. You put yourself IN that spot. It was a pleasant coincidence It was still a choice to look at his daughters facebook. Coincidence or not, however you stumbled across her name, you still looked inside her page.
jj33 Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Look even if your intentions were good, its a difficult situation. Very very understandable why his wife would go ballistic. First you sleep with her husband, then you contact her daughter on facebook. There was no good way for this to happen. Even if you had emailed the wife and said I just noticed this and wanted to bring it to your attention, she might have been upset that you were looking at her daughter's facebook entry. yes its public but with your history its not wise. The fact is you looked. You didnt say this is his family this is none of my business. So there was no good way for you to get involved regardless of how good your intentions were. And lets face it you were checking up on his family. The fact that you explained the affair to his daughter is such a huge violation of their marital privacy it astounds me. If you were really concerned, you could have had a third party contact her. You already feel bad but there is no defense. If it was dangerous behavior you should have approached her parents. Contacting their daughter is stalking like behavior. What it looks like to an outsider is like you were finding another way to insinuate yourself in the family.
Lucky_One Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 First and foremost... Stop assuming someone who made a mistake before will do it again. Whatever you do, don't let an alcoholics see there's beer around One more time for those that didn't read my first post more than once- I'm not sorry I made contact. The minor child was publicly posting about things that indicated she needed some HELP. I did not hack into anything. When you do a search on the internet and someone you know is connected to it, there is no harm in clicking the link. I didn't search for xMM, or his daughter. It was a pleasant coincidence. I know she has a good relationship with her Mom, but that does NOT preclude risky behavior on the child's part. Mom is now aware of the risky behavior and I am not continuing the contact. I am not deluded into thinking no one else could help the girl, I am saying that I was on the spot. I am not interested in continuing or starting an affair with anyone. I only told the girl who I was because I am not a criminal and I refuse to play spy games. If your kid tripped and fell, and your PITA jerk ex-whatever walked by and never helped or looked back, what would you think? I picked her up and dusted her off, and now that Mom has arrived, I can go on my merry way. We needed be judgmental, here. Besides, what does that accomplish? I tell the story as a cautionary tale and cogitative fodder. I'm not here to whine, nor judge, I suggest the same to others. Bullsh*t. You wouldn't have just "found" his daughter on FB or MS without searching. It was NOT a pleasant coincidence. And if she is posting on a public forum, then EVERY one of her TRUE friends and acquaintances would read it - and she would get whatever help it is that you seem to think she needs. You are NOT needed in their lives, you are NOT a lifesaver, you are NOT her friend. You are not the only person who would stumble accidentally on a piece of information - you are one of potentially thousands. If my H's EXOW contacted our D about getting counselling, I would likely slap a restraining order against her. And I was an OW, so I understand EMA dynamics. But you have WAY overstepped a line, and you seem to think that you should be applauded for doing something heroic.
Author bunset Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 Wow, there seem to be a lot of people out there who feel that the xBS should fear that the xOW will come along and ruin their lives any minute now. I have NEVER seen this happen, personally. That is a terrible trauma to endure. I am surprised at the majority reaction to contacting the minor child to counsel her to be more prudent about personal privacy on the internet AND identifying myself in order to convey my concerns is one of outrage. Again, I practiced NO deception. I did not hunt the child's information. It is a coincidence that while a searched set of terms related to topics that I am interested in, the girl's public blog appeared amongst the results. As I read, I enjoyed seeing her views on common items of interest, so I placed the blog in my bookmarks. Until I read further I did not know who she was. I was shocked, to say the least, to find the connection. Since that time, about 2 months ago, when maudlin about absent friends and past experiences, would look back in on her blog. I became alarmed when she began writing disturbing thoughts and publishing even more personally identifiable information, such as phone numbers. I am educated in the signs of depression and self harming behavior. I could not just turn away and pretend it didn't exist. It was irrelevant who I am or what my relationship to her family was. Had I been a perfect stranger, what would the opinion be? I told her only that I was an interloper before, not that her father had committed any transgression and that I did not wish to interfere ever again. Out of respect for the young lady I was asking permission to pass her contact information to a friend who was a professional in the field of teen counseling on the subject matter the girl was blogging about. If I had just dropped this information on the counselor, the counselor would have been in the position of explaining who I was. That would just keep adding to the number of people who have to deal with this uncomfortable past rubbish. I do not consider myself deceitful, nor do I feel I need to behave in a manner of shame. I am NOT ashamed, just contrite. Shame is counterproductive to healing. It is most wisely applied to prevention of poor behavior. I fail to see how the consequences of my recent actions require derision or vilification. The xBS has had a painful reminder of the A. The daughter was told a story of how I used to know her father and that he often spoke of his wonderful daughter and his worries over keeping the communications between the two of them open and productive. I wrote of how her parents worked together to overcome interference from a foolish 3rd party. She was also told that she was publishing too much personally identifiable information. The xBW now knows of her daughter's internet antics and they have been appropriately censored. Personal relationship dynamics may vary greatly throughout any community. (WWIU reference to xH being different than ex-lovers, vs xMM/MW) I have no desire to write a dissertation on mine. Perhaps readers should consider that before writing judgments and casting aspersions. I believe the attitude of anger and bitterness toward ex-offenders of any particular moral code counter-productive and immature. We do not have control of which people have connections in our lives, and that we certainly cannot control the actions or emotions of anyone else. But, I do know I have control of how negatively I allow myself to react to these facts. I find that I have a unique ability to draw analogies between many, many seemingly unrealated experiences and things. Over the years I have found so very few people who have either the capacity, energy or desire to explore the phenomenon of synchronicity. Isolated incedents may just be that. To attribute malice to the phenomenon is the best way to attract and hold negativity in one's life. If I have the energy, later to share my additional thought processes behind my recent actions, I may.
boldjack Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 In the first post, you said that you told the girl that you were attracted to her dad. Look it up. How is that helping the girl, her mom, or the MM? If you truly believe that you did nothing wrong, tell your husband, now. And let us know what he says. You are deluding yourself if you think that you can fix your marriage and still have feelingsd for the MM. I'm not going to judge you, but you need to look at what you are doing.
StarChick Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 "I thought your dad was HAWT. I think you could use some counseling." If that's not enough to screw with an already confused young mind, I don't know what is. Creepy. Just....creepy.
Author bunset Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 You crossed the line and honestly, contacting his daughter, looking at her facebook page was/is WRONG. MM wife, kids are NONE of your business or concern and the only good thing that came of this, his daughter's fb is now private so you can't peek in on it. You ARE the bad guy, maybe your intentions weren't, but to his wife and even to him, contacting their daughter IS breaking NC in some form as I think you knew deep down that she would tell her parents, atleast her mom. I had no way to contact her Mom directly. I had destroyed all that information. I believe the best way to have gotten her to talk with her parents was to explain that I had been an interloper in the past. I WAS the bad guy. I am not the same idiot as before. Again coming across the blog in the first place was a coincidence. Checking 2 or 3 more times was a voluntary act of interest, not a prelude to any other intended action. Maybe your husband should find out, I'm sure he would be upset and confused as to why on earth you would be looking at exMM's daughter's facebook page to begin with. And yes, his ego is probably still shaken. I do not feel comfortable with a spouse whose ego is so fragile. If he feels he is not companion to someone who is in control of their own decisions and not an easy mark for manipulators, than that would mean he is not married to ME. FOCUS on healing and forgetting completely about exMM and his life. My random thoughts and fleeting curiousities about other people are NOT a statement of how I feel about my husband. My memories of happy events in my past have no bearing on how I see my husband nor the history and future we have together. I cannot control my husband's healing. I have no control over things that 'trigger' his insecurities. If I held him responsible for all the subtle words and actions that stir unpleasant memories in me, that would give him the 'power' to cause me pain and aguish at the slightest mistake. I control that and I choose to give him the same power to bring a joyful response within me when he does little things for me. But HOW are they, especially his wife, to know this? I mean, what if exMM had contacted you in some form, your husband WOULD feel threatened. Don't you think? My intention should be isolated from her actions. I feel her primary reactions should be about her daughter's immediate situation, not about protecting her 'territory'. And no, I would not feel threatened, because my husband is a fully functional adult and can make choices for himself. It is a shame that she should feel that my existence could warp her husband's desire to be true to his commitment. This is the fundamental flaw in the string of strong reactions to xOW/OM. I would have to be pretty flawed myself if xMM called me to say "hey, let's do that again" and I did. I'd hope my husband was aware that if I am not some ragdoll, easily manipulated by another. My goodness if that was true, I'd be worthless as a companion at all. he xMM was no svengali, nor do I delude myself that I have that kind of magical power. I wouldn't want someone like that. If the BS feels that the WS is that weak minded, how unpleasant it must be to live in a relationship like that. Sorry if my post has come off harsh, it's just that I believe that you shouldn't be concerned or even looking into exMM's life, let alone his daughters life, even if it is displayed on facebook. I choose not to take this stuff personally, because you only know the words in my writings. The person you think I am shouldn't be looking at or thinking of xMM's name, family, side of the street, city where he lived, forums where others have the same interests. But to allow so much significance to all the things that may have a connection to the A allows it to have power over me and my family. That is indication that we do not want power to have our own actions. As for every consequence of those actions, I can only claim responsibility for what I do and what I intend to do. I cannot claim responsibility to hide the beer from alcoholics. That is too much power to wield.
Athena Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I haven't yet read all the posts, but I do see a problem with Boundaries here... firstly, I can understand that you allowed yourself to look at MM's D's page, but the fact that you wrote to her and EXPOSED her dad/your "relationship" no matter how you underplayed it to her, was not okay! That was overstepping a boundary -- telling her about adult business. Secondly, taking it upon yourself to recommend she so see a friend of yours for psychological counseling... Have you done this for YOURself? That right there is another overstepping of boundaries -- telling Other People's children what to do, who to see, 'helping' them solve their 'problems'... seems a little, erm, creepy. Thirdly, the fact that xMM's W was told about you, the 3 year exOW contact her Family (an underage child) and re-insert yourself in HER family's business must have been absolutely Infuriating to her! It's almost like you were taunting her, you know... nah nah nah... I have been gone out of your lives for three years, but hey... guess what?! Don't be forgetting me now, cuz I can just insert myself back into your lives again! Do you think the wife needs to be reminded of YOU again?! Of your existence? Do you know how painful that must be for her? AND especially that you were contacting a minor child of hers! People are VERY protective of their children, and I don't know of ANYONE that would welcome what you did! Truth be told, when you state that you do 'not regret contacting the daughter' I think that is very revealing about your comfort level in overstepping Natural Boundaries that Most people would feel Uncomfortable doing. Fourthly... your poor H! All this time and here you are back in some kind of 'thing' with xMM! <sigh> but now you -- who hold the Truth -- have decided not to tell your H about what happened, right? Smugly got into the xMM's family (your name and action has been discussed, have no fear you most certainly HAVE been remembered by your xMM... 3 yrs later, well how lucky for you and What A Coincidence that you 'came across' a link to insert yourself where you didn't belong). There is something disturbing about the way you handled it all, and even more so, with you apparent lack of insight into your overstepping of boundaries. Why not discuss this issue in your next therapy session... er... that's is you even actually go see a counselor? There's also something very disturbing about your willingness to Withhold Relevant Information from your poor trusting husband, I feel for him...
Athena Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Been 3 years since I was OW/WS. I still carry a torch for OM, but want nothing more than for him to be happy. BTW I think it's perfectly normal for you to 'still carry a torch for OM' but I highly doubt your actions in inserting yourself and your name and your information about an indelicate past relationship with him to his young daughter is going to bring him the Happiness you claim you only want for him! His W is going to be furious, with him! Because of you.
Ariadne Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 The whole "We don't need you to care. We have everything we need already" attitude is flawed.. Omg, are you kidding me? You are like the devil himself for that girl. Who knows what she went through because of the affair. Just the contact must have given shivers to the mother and the whole family. Oh, because of your "care". I mean, talk to the guy if you want to break NC and see what he does. If not, you are out of luck.
Author bunset Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 You crossed the line and honestly, contacting his daughter, looking at her facebook page was/is WRONG. MM wife, kids are NONE of your business or concern and the only good thing that came of this, his daughter's fb is now private so you can't peek in on it. You ARE the bad guy, maybe your intentions weren't, but to his wife and even to him, contacting their daughter IS breaking NC in some form as I think you knew deep down that she would tell her parents, atleast her mom. I had no way to contact her Mom directly. I had destroyed all that information. I believe the best way to have gotten her to talk with her parents was to explain that I had been an interloper in the past. I WAS the bad guy. I am not the same idiot as before. Again coming across the blog in the first place was a coincidence. Checking 2 or 3 more times was a voluntary act of interest, not a prelude to any other intended action. Maybe your husband should find out, I'm sure he would be upset and confused as to why on earth you would be looking at exMM's daughter's facebook page to begin with. And yes, his ego is probably still shaken. I do not feel comfortable with a spouse whose ego is so fragile. If he feels he is not companion to someone who is in control of their own decisions and not an easy mark for manipulators, than that would mean he is not married to ME. FOCUS on healing and forgetting completely about exMM and his life. My random thoughts and fleeting curiousities about other people are NOT a statement of how I feel about my husband. My memories of happy events in my past have no bearing on how I see my husband nor the history and future we have together. I cannot control my husband's healing. I have no control over things that 'trigger' his insecurities. If I held him responsible for all the subtle words and actions that stir unpleasant memories in me, that would give him the 'power' to cause me pain and aguish at the slightest mistake. I control that and I choose to give him the same power to bring a joyful response within me when he does little things for me. But HOW are they, especially his wife, to know this? I mean, what if exMM had contacted you in some form, your husband WOULD feel threatened. Don't you think? My intention should be isolated from her actions. I feel her primary reactions should be about her daughter's immediate situation, not about protecting her 'territory'. And no, I would not feel threatened, because my husband is a fully functional adult and can make choices for himself. It is a shame that she should feel that my existence could warp her husband's desire to be true to his commitment. This is the fundamental flaw in the string of strong reactions to xOW/OM. I would have to be pretty flawed myself if xMM called me to say "hey, let's do that again" and I did. I'd hope my husband was aware that if I am not some ragdoll, easily manipulated by another. My goodness if that was true, I'd be worthless as a companion at all. he xMM was no svengali, nor do I delude myself that I have that kind of magical power. I wouldn't want someone like that. If the BS feels that the WS is that weak minded, how unpleasant it must be to live in a relationship like that. Sorry if my post has come off harsh, it's just that I believe that you shouldn't be concerned or even looking into exMM's life, let alone his daughters life, even if it is displayed on facebook. I choose not to take this stuff personally, because you only know the words in my writings. The person you think I am shouldn't be looking at or thinking of xMM's name, family, side of the street, city where he lived, forums where others have the same interests. But to allow so much significance to all the things that may have a connection to the A allows it to have power over me and my family. That is indication that we do not want power to have our own actions. As for every consequence of those actions, I can only claim responsibility for what I do and what I intend to do. I cannot claim responsibility to hide the beer from alcoholics. That is too much power to wield.
smile23 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 So I don't normally write responses back to people's posts on here (I do read them often, however), but this thread really angered me. Yes, I am young, but I am smart enough to know that what you did was definitely overstepping the boundary. It doesn't matter whether you "stumbled" across her page or not, it was none of your business (especially with your past history) to contact her. As other people have mentioned, if you really felt that this young girl needed help, why didn't you have someone else send her a message? Also, the part that really confuses me is why you would tell her that you used to be attracted to her dad, etc. What did that have to do with getting her help? You really need to stop worrying so much about the MM and his family, and focus on your OWN life. If you feel as though you did absolutely nothing wrong at all, why can't you tell your husband what you did? I am currently in a relationship, and I believe that if you feel as though you need to withhold certain information from your significant other, than this is because you know that they are going to react negatively and that your actions were most likely wrong. You really need to stop and think about what everyone is saying to you here, and stop being so ignorant and pretending like you are some sort of hero. I understand that, yes, perhaps you made the girl's parents aware of her issues, but was that really up to you to do? Once again, as others have said, since this was public information, I am sure she had a multitude of other individuals such as friends and relatives who were aware of these posts. Overall, I just think it is odd that you would contact the MM's daughter, and if I were the wife of the MM (or even the MM perhaps), I would be completely and utterly outraged. Sorry for coming off as harsh, but as I said earlier, this thread really enraged me.
Athena Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Sounds like some very creepy stalking. worse than that... sounds like some very narcissistic writing... check out post #13. Wow just wow.
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