shayna Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I first came to LS two years ago because of a very messy and emotionally staggering breakup after 9 years together. I was still in love with the ex even once he started up with someone new last January. We haven't had contact since then (apart from a friend's wedding one day), even though we share friends (I've decided to lose touch with those friends for the most part). Anyhoo, I went away to a small little town for a medical school practicum and thought of the ex very little for the very first time since the breakup. I guess I just enjoyed the new environment and its lack of any memories associated with the ex so much. I got to know some folks fairly well (people were super friendly and inclusive there)- included a fellow about ten years younger than me (I'm 34). He and I hit it off and hung out a few times with friends. However, about two weeks after we met he was called to another town 8 hours away for work. We started emailing, facebooking, and text messaging silly little notes at first, which then turned into pretty hot stuff after awhile. I wasn't sure I was into him or not but I enjoyed the attention after two years of nothing since my breakup. I left to go back to my city (7 hours away) before he came back to the town but we still kept up our little exchanges and began speaking over the phone for real too. It was alot of fun and he was such a warm, emotionally in-touch and funny guy- so different from my ex (he essentially filled what had been missing in my relationship with the ex). Before I realized it, I was hooked. We decided mutually a week ago that the long distance would be too hard and that we should stop what we are doing until our paths collide again if ever they do in the future...Plus he met a girl who is living in his town until September and I told him that it makes more sense that he hook up with her because she's at least present there, when I'm not! I didn't want to let him go, but really it made the most sense. And I had a feeling that he was more into her than me (because of her actually being there in his town or maybe just in general I don't know and I didn't ask). He said he was thinking of staying with me (from afar) and keeping his options open for the future while seeing her but that he wasn't that kinda guy in the end. What bothers me is that I'm quite upset over the "what could have been" far more than I anticipated! I don't even know this guy!!! And we've never actually been on a date- just hung out 3 times before he was sent off for work). Why am I feeling like this? Is it that I'm so sensitive about the sheer rejection again after the hideous breakup two years ago? Am I sooooo incredibly desperate that I can build up this fantasy with this new guy even though its not real only to have fall apart in reality? Am I not worth the struggle through long distance? Arrgh! This has affected my sooooo much- its almost like I just ended another 9 year relationship. I guess I'm just so damaged from the former relationship.Now I'm sooooo scared of even thinking about dating someone now if I get hooked so quickly. What do you guys think? Have I lost my mind? And if so, how in the world do I become the once stable person I used to be a long time ago?
citizen67 Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I think you are lonely, and it is hard to find people to connect with, so when you do, and then for reasons beyond your control you can't pursue it, it hurts. Don't be so hard on yourself, you sound very mature.
Author shayna Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 I think you're very right. I just wish I could make myself get over the loneliness that keeps kicking me in the a$$ and exposing me to so much pain! I'm wondering if the new guy and I gave up too quickly. Some friends think we did while others believe it would be tough for anyone to maintain a budding relationship on so little knowledge of each other. I'm hoping it is the latter and that I didn't just throw away something special without a fight...
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