dark1san Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 What exactly is this? I already asked my girlfriend to marry me, we just got her ring yesterday, but last nite at a party we were at, one of her friends said, "that she'd mentioned that she would really like a formal engagement". I'm so confused as to what this is. Can anyone help me
Thaddeus Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Sounds like she's looking for you to throw some sort of "official engagement" party, but expects you to read her mind on this. A sign of things to come? I truly hope not. Just ask her.
norajane Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I think that involves either engagement announcements - sending a card to people announcing that you're engaged - or an engagement party. I always thought formal engagement parties were hosted by the parents, but maybe she wants to have one herself. In any case, it's not something that you've let her down about, so there's no need for the . Just ask her what it is she has in mind.
allina Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I think that involves either engagement announcements - sending a card to people announcing that you're engaged - or an engagement party. Isn't this just super self-important and........stupid? I would feel ridicules sending out engagement announcements. I thought a formal proposal was the guy just proposing, the woman saying "yes" and a ring being put on her finger, with the understanding that you are now committed to marrying each other.
Thaddeus Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I thought a formal proposal was the guy just proposing, the woman saying "yes" and a ring being put on her finger, with the understanding that you are now committed to marrying each other. I thought that too, but obviously dark1san's betrothed doesn't see it like that. It's just too bad that she's not telling dark1san what she really wants and somehow expects him to "just know." Frankly, that's worrisome...
Author dark1san Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Yeah I asked her a little bit ago, and she said that'd she told her friend that no we haven't told our parents yet, that we were waiting till we got our ring which we picked out yesterday and will get next week, to tell them. And then have an engagement party for our parent's to get to know one another. That in itself will be weird, because her dad and mom are divorced and her mom is remarried so we might have to have two different get togethers.
Trialbyfire Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 dark1san, just ask your fiancee. A formal engagement requires an announcement of some kind, whether by dinner, party, putting it in the papers, announcement card, etc. Btw, that's silly about having two parties. She should invite them both with the understanding that the other has also been invited. It's very likely, if things aren't amicable, one will decline. If they both accept, it's up to her to have a little chat with them about "civility and respect".
norajane Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Isn't this just super self-important and........stupid? I would feel ridicules sending out engagement announcements. Well, I agree with you, but in some social circles, that's how it works. The print engagement annoucements in the paper, send out engagement announcements, and throw formal parties. It's usually something done in wealthy families, or families with a lot of social obligations...upper crust Social Register types. I think a party is fine, especially for the parents to meet, but it doesn't have to be a big deal. The "formal" part of the formal engagement doesn't need to be all that formal, unless people are trying to impress their friends.
Trialbyfire Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 It suddenly occurred to me that this might all be a timing issue. The "friend" who discussed this issue with you, might have been discussing old news, in that your fiancee could possibly have been feeling insecure since the engagement was kept hushed until after the two of you bought the ring. No one likes to be kept a secret, in that many "secret" engagements, especially without a ring, are false engagements.
Author dark1san Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 She tried to tell her one friend but she kept going on about how her life stinks because she's single and this and that, and she didn't tell the other friends yet, because it'd get to her parent's who are old fashioned and need to see a ring to believe it's a real engagement.
Trialbyfire Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Okay, so after you pick up the ring, discuss the "announcement" aspect with her and how the both of you can agree to and handle the process. One thing that might earn brownie points with her parents and herself, if she's old-fashioned enough, is to ask her father's consent to having her hand in marriage. Discuss this aspect with her and see what she says.
Author dark1san Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Nah her dad don't care, it's her mom that does, she's more a "i need to see the ring" type person, her stepdad doesn't have no input on it. She asked me about an idea of hers so we have it planned out how we're going to do it.
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