Mino Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 We broke NC today, after almost 7 weeks, Does this mean I am back to square one? Dam* It!!! I was doing so good.
tami-chan Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 We broke NC today, after almost 7 weeks, Does this mean I am back to square one? Dam* It!!! I was doing so good. Relax....sh*t happens ...! Start over again...
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 no. not necessarily.,. sometimes when NC is broken.. it's only to discover that we're close or almost over him/her.. sometimes it makes us see him/her in a different way..
jj33 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 No it just means you slipped. It only means you are back to square one if you want to be.
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 How was NC broken? A conversation? Physical touch/kissing/sex? JJ is right, you slipped, don't think of it as going back to square one. You're stronger now and have 7 weeks under your belt. It won't be as hard going back into NC mode this time.
StoptheDrama Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I think it all depends upon the content of the conversation and how you feel now. For example xMM and I broke NC and now I feel more free from the A than I did previously. He provoked me and I let him know exactly how I feel about him, the A and his actions during the A. I called him on his lies, games and overall behavior (basically told him that he is an A**hole and that I want nothing more to do with him) and it was liberating! Please elaborate on the context of the situation and I think you will be able to gain much better insight.
jj33 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Stop is right. It depends on what happened. In the beginning when we would talk break the limited NC by talking about personal things, I would get drawn back in. After awhile I just stopped hearing it all and just heard "still married still married still married". Considering everything you have been through with him (like the fact that he has left SO many times, that is no longer a newsflash) I think you need to hear it that way. In fact even if he moved out again, SO WHAT. Youve been there dont that, got the designer wardrobe! He needs to show you he is OUT and DONE and knows what he wants. Or so it seems to me.
Author Mino Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 I canrt beleive it... I am so kicking myself .... What the F*CK was I thinking? He dropped something off, We sat and talked, and talked.. and then yes we ended up in bed.. Damit... I cant believe I am so stupid! while we were talking he cried.. I am blaming him on this one... What do I do now? I was getting really good at this nc stuff. UGRH!
Author Mino Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 No it just means you slipped. It only means you are back to square one if you want to be. No I dont wanna be back there, too painful.
Author Mino Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 no. not necessarily.,. sometimes when NC is broken.. it's only to discover that we're close or almost over him/her.. sometimes it makes us see him/her in a different way..Lizzie, I wish I could say that. but no, the feelings were still there. What was I fooling myself these lat 7 weeks?
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Oh sh*t.. .like you said.. oh well.. then start from square one.. and this time.. keep it up..
Author Mino Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 How was NC broken? A conversation? Physical touch/kissing/sex? JJ is right, you slipped, don't think of it as going back to square one. You're stronger now and have 7 weeks under your belt. It won't be as hard going back into NC mode this time. All of it, I hope your right, at least I thought I was. apparently not.
StoptheDrama Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Mino, I am so sorry for your situation. I know all too well how you feel. My xMM pulled that crying crap on me a few times and it worked like a charm every time except the last. Please don't beat yourself up about this. Focus on the fact that you have been able to maintain NC until this point and understand what made you slip. If you understand history, you have a much greater chance of NOT repeating it. It may be back to square one but this time you are better prepared! Best of luck and boatloads of support to you!
NoIDidn't Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 ((((Mino)))) You slipped big time but you can still recover. I was reading something a long time ago about the difference between a lapse and a RElapse. You had a lapse. Repeating it over and over again in short order and making this relationship the primary one in your life again, would be a relapse. I think we've all been where you are. You made it for seven weeks without lapsing. The true test of whether you are recovering well is having the time between lapses (which are normal) get longer and longer.
Author Mino Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 ((((Mino)))) You slipped big time but you can still recover. I was reading something a long time ago about the difference between a lapse and a RElapse. You had a lapse. Repeating it over and over again in short order and making this relationship the primary one in your life again, would be a relapse. I think we've all been where you are. You made it for seven weeks without lapsing. The true test of whether you are recovering well is having the time between lapses (which are normal) get longer and longer. Thank you NID, you give me hope. I was afraid of what you were going to say. Now I got to figure out how I handle work tomorrow. This whole time I said not a word, didnt even look at him. Its so arkward going to work tomorrow. Do I do what I have been, or what, seeeeee, (sign) this is getting confussing:(
tami-chan Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I canrt beleive it... I am so kicking myself .... What the F*CK was I thinking? He dropped something off, We sat and talked, and talked.. and then yes we ended up in bed.. Damit... I cant believe I am so stupid! while we were talking he cried.. I am blaming him on this one... What do I do now? I was getting really good at this nc stuff. UGRH! Oh Mino...I didn't mean to be nonchalant earlier...I thought this was just a small "breaking of nc" (i.e. spoke on the phone) but this is a HUGE breaking of nc! All you can do is re-focus...and believe that nc will get better as time goes on....... *hugs*!
Author Mino Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Thank you TC, It was the first time I even looked at him, ugh.
jj33 Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Dont sweat it. It happens. You did it. Its over. you just need to get back on the horse. The good news is you arent sitting here saying oh we had sex and I miss him so much and he seems so unhappy and maybe I should reconsider... Well you may be thinking some of those things but you arent thinking of reconsidering. You can still go back to NC. This was just a commerical break. The movies not over yet.. I slipped 2x during the first 6 months. Then I was wise to it. He didnt help by making all sorts of grand gestures for months before I cracked each of those 2 times. Maybe it was easier because I had waited until I thought he was "serious" but still I went back to ignoring his overtures after that. Dont beat yourself up. Lifes too short.
Author Mino Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Dont sweat it. It happens. You did it. Its over. you just need to get back on the horse. The good news is you arent sitting here saying oh we had sex and I miss him so much and he seems so unhappy and maybe I should reconsider... Well you may be thinking some of those things but you arent thinking of reconsidering. You can still go back to NC. This was just a commerical break. The movies not over yet.. I slipped 2x during the first 6 months. Then I was wise to it. He didnt help by making all sorts of grand gestures for months before I cracked each of those 2 times. Maybe it was easier because I had waited until I thought he was "serious" but still I went back to ignoring his overtures after that. Dont beat yourself up. Lifes too short. Thanks JJ, I am not even thinking of reconsidering a A. Wont happen in this lifetime. I had enough pain. I know I gave it my all, I tried, he tried. I know the love between us is still there, it hadnt gotten any less. I do feel sad for him. He is in a prison, his own mind. He tried I know, he gave it his all too. I know he is hurting, but I cannot fix his illness, and neither can he. I must move on. I must!!
NoIDidn't Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Thank you NID, you give me hope. I was afraid of what you were going to say. Now I got to figure out how I handle work tomorrow. This whole time I said not a word, didnt even look at him. Its so arkward going to work tomorrow. Do I do what I have been, or what, seeeeee, (sign) this is getting confussing:( Afraid of what I would say? Never. I love ya, Mino. Plus, I'm more bark than bite. Even my kids know this. You give yourself hope in your first post on this. You broke NC but it seems you are resolute on sticking to it. This was a lapse, a fumble. It happens. And jj33, just said what I was going to say. She actually said almost exactly what I was going to say. You might be feeling the things that she mentioned, but you aren't writing that you are going to continue to break NC to "talk" about what happened. As a (former) BS (why those labels stick forever around these parts, I will never know LOL), I watched my H fumble with his co-worker too. And we made it through (she did too) without going back to square one every single time. It happens.
Author Mino Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Wow!! Thank you Nid, and everybody eles that posted so quickly! See this is whats its all about. Right after he left, I was freaking out. I jumped on to LS to confess, and to get advice. Still in a daze, but I feel so much better, so I am not going to slit my wrist;) I am afraid of the morning, but I know I have to get through it. Hey I have been strong for 7 weeks, I CAN DO THIS!!
jj33 Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Im not worried about this for you Mino - and I am an olympic worrier. Like the 2x I slipped because I thought he was serious, he hurt me so badly i would never entertain anything short of him leaving. Same for you. Youve put your all into this. Youve been here before and all it got you was more tears. You are a smart woman and you know how to take care of yourself. youre not going to go back for more. He has got nothing new to say at this point. Youve had more of the same for 5 years. Its just a bump in the sidewalk. You didnt trip, you just stumbled a little bit.
Author Mino Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Im not worried about this for you Mino - and I am an olympic worrier. Like the 2x I slipped because I thought he was serious, he hurt me so badly i would never entertain anything short of him leaving. Same for you. Youve put your all into this. Youve been here before and all it got you was more tears. You are a smart woman and you know how to take care of yourself. youre not going to go back for more. He has got nothing new to say at this point. Youve had more of the same for 5 years. Its just a bump in the sidewalk. You didnt trip, you just stumbled a little bit.JJ, I think I need some shopping therapy again;) Maybe right after work tomorrow!
fooled once Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Slipping once is a mistake; falling for it all over again means back to square one. I hope you do keep your focus which is regaining your life. If he comes by again, it means he wants to continue on with the A and he is trying to get you sucked back in. Stay strong and hope you have fun shopping!
Author Mino Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Slipping once is a mistake; falling for it all over again means back to square one. I hope you do keep your focus which is regaining your life. If he comes by again, it means he wants to continue on with the A and he is trying to get you sucked back in. Stay strong and hope you have fun shopping!Thanks, I will have fun shopping, and no I will not be the ow again... not happening, he caught me of guard today, but I know better now.
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